Saints Win Super Bowl at Cost of New Orleans Hurricane Recovery

The Saints won the sporting event known as the "super" bowl. I know, I couldn't give less of shit about that myself. As I have written repeatedly on this blog, one of my crackpot obsessions is the use of taxpayer money to finance sports corporations.

The Saints might be the worst. As the president, Barack Obama casually mentioned in passing when making his (inaccurate?) "super" bowl prediction earlier this week:

President Barack Obama says the Indianapolis Colts "have to be favored" in the Super Bowl, even though he has a "soft spot" for the New Orleans Saints.

You will note that Mr. Obama equivocated with a "have to be favored" rather than a "I think they're going to win." He is a politician, after all.

As for that "soft spot" for the Saints sports corporation:

Still, Obama says he has a soft spot for New Orleans, "mainly because of what the city has gone through over these last several years" since Hurricane Katrina struck in 2005.

Gosh knows the Saints suffered during hurricane Katrina. How did the Saints ever recover from that hurricane that so devastated them?

Actually, the Saints did all right.

After more than a year of negotiating, the Saints say they have reached a tentative agreement with the state that will keep the NFL franchise in New Orleans through 2025, remove the need for a new stadium by upgrading the Superdome and resurrect an abandoned section of the Central Business District with a refurbished office tower and a new sports entertainment district.
...
As part of the deal, which officials said could save the state $281 million when compared with the current agreement that pays the Saints $23 million in subsidies, the state would make $85 million in improvements to the Dome, and Saints owner Tom Benson and his family would buy the vacant Dominion Tower and New Orleans Centre and lease office space back to the state.

That's big of the Saints, who were threatening to leave Katrina-ravaged New Orleans, to forego that "$281 million," in favor of a mere $85 million. That is real sacrifice. And then leasing land back from the owner of the team on top of that. How much does that cost?

Don't know. But don't worry about that -- the Saints' owner says it's a good deal:

"Our community is coming back slowly, and I think this is going to be the shot in the arm that's going to keep it going in that direction, " Benson said Wednesday. "I really believe that this is going to be something that is going to be very sound for our community."

Says the guy who just got $85 million in renovation money, and who knows how much for buying land around the stadium, to be leased back to the state. You can see how selfless this man is, and how concerned he is about the community's recovery.

"There was a lot of excitement about the savings to the state, " Superdome Chairman Ron Forman said. "There were still concerns because this is a tough fiscal year. But we also believe that if we are going to have professional sports in New Orleans, this is so much better than what we had before. And when we show the savings to the legislators, we think we will get whatever we need."

It's good of them to be "concerned." It's that "concern" that led to the Saints' selflessly foregoing $281 million for $85 million. Hell's bells, they saved the state almost $200 on the deal. They really are "Saints"!

Speaking of that $85 million -- where's it coming from?

State officials and lawmakers say the money will likely come from the state's surplus.

Wait, what?

Louisiana has a "surplus"? The Louisiana that was hit by hurricane Katrina? That state has a "surplus"?

"Surplus" means "extra money," doesn't it? As in, they've spent everything they need to, and still have money left over for frivolous shit like a football stadium? So I guess the recovery from hurricane Katrina is complete, then?

Maybe not.

But the path to that higher ground is steep. Blocks upon blocks in the city are still pockmarked with vacant lots or abandoned houses. Violent crime, while down significantly in recent months, still plagues much of the city, and the low-wage, stagnant economy that has burdened so many of the city’s poor black residents has not been retooled.
...
“The recovery has not moved that far along,” said Renette Dejoie-Hall, the executive editor of The Louisiana Weekly, a black-interest publication that endorsed Mr. [Mitch] Landrieu over other [mayoral] candidates who it said would have needed “on-the-job training on how to maneuver through labyrinthine governmental bureaucracies.”

Now I'm confused. There is a "surplus," but there are still "blocks upon blocks in the city [that] are still pockmarked with vacant lots or abandoned houses." Why do they have a "surplus" to spend on a freaking football stadium for a sports corporation, when New Orleans is still so bad off?

So, anyway, congratulations to the Saints on their big "super" bowl win. I look forward to seeing their victory parade as it winds its way down those blocks upon blocks of the city that are still pockmarked with vacant lots or abandoned houses.

On Sunday morning, Mayor-elect Mitch Landrieu announced that he would yield the limelight over his landslide election last night to three days of local delirium over the Saints, the Super Bowl, the team's return from Miami on Monday and - win or lose - Carnival parade for the hometown heroes on Tuesday.

Drew Brees was named the MVP of the "super" bowl. His team's win has done so much to help the city of New Orleans feel better about itself. More, apparently, than the state is doing.

Drew Brees pic source.

Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan: One Lip-Syncs, the Other is Probably Not a Hoarder

Does the famous celebrity singer and dancer Britney Spears sound like a mediocre karaoke singer with asthma?

The video embedded below (found via this website) contains what is supposedly the actual audio feed from Britney Spears's microphone. It is hypnotically awful.



Also, at the end -- at around the 3:46 mark -- does Ms. Spears say "That was retarded"? What if Sarah Palin sees this video? Will she demand that Ms. Spears be fired?

Here's something else: When you go to a Britney Spears concert (I am not a fan and I don't know anyone who is, so I really can't ask anyone this question), do you get super excited to hear the new, slowed-down version of "Hit Me Baby One More Time"?

At this point, everyone has pretty much moved on from Ms. Spears. Lady GaGa is a much more entertaining performer with catchier songs. So perhaps Ms. Spears should just stop lip-syncing altogether, and use the actual audio feed from her microphone. That could be her new angle, sort of a freak show kind of thing: Step right up and listen to the painful sounds of the kitschy performer, as she desperately struggles to hang on to what she had at 16!

And as long as I'm on the topic (and this does seem on-topic) -- it turns out that Lindsay Lohan might be a hoarder.



Or probably not.

Niecy Nash, the host of "Clean House" and former star of the late, lamented "Reno 911!," does her best to add drama ("I always say that clutter is an outward expression of an inward thing"), but I'm not really seeing the "secret celebrity hoarder" angle. Maybe I'm just callous, but all I'm seeing a privileged rich kid who gets a lot of free stuff that she keeps.

And who is also a casual liar, telling Ms. Nash something like, "The craziest thing is, I know every single thing I have in here. I have, like, a photographic memory," to which Ms. Nash asks, "Okay, what's in this box?," in reference to a box they happen to be standing beside at that particular moment. Ms. Lohan's reply: "Oh, I haven't looked in that one yet."

I take nothing this shoe-obsessed woman says seriously. Watch one episode of the A&E show "Hoarders," and then tell me if you can feel any sympathy for Ms. Lohan.

The most interesting thing about this clip for me was, I didn't know that Niecy Nash was on the television show "The Insider." Apparently she's a regular correspondent. I admit I'm an occasional viewer of "Clean House," and I have to say I'm disappointed to see her here. One of the best things about "Clean House" is Ms. Nash's "I-don't-buy-that" attitude when people give her excuses about why they can't or won't clean up. She should have been harder on Ms. Lohan.

Taylor Lautner is not MY Stretch Armstrong

Have you ever heard anything stupider than the news that "Twilight" pretty boy Taylor Lautner has just been signed to play the toughest action figure of the 1970s, Stretch Armstrong?

Taylor Lautner has signed on to star in “Stretch Armstrong,” Universal’s movie based on the Hasbro toy.

That's not a misprint. They're making Taylor Lautner into Stretch Armstrong.

Taylor Lautner!

This guy...

Is going to play this guy...

Seriously, can you imagine Taylor Lautner taking on the menace of Stretch Monster?

No way. No way can that "Twilight" pretty boy wrap himself around the strange plastic and corn syrup (or whatever it was that comprised Stretch Monster's innards) that made up the nefarious Stretch Monster, which was easily Hasbro's most terrifying action figure nemesis.

In order for Taylor Lautner to have a chance against him, they're going to have to cast someone like Clay Aiken in the role. I mean it -- I just don't see it.

Universal is really playing with fire here. Stretch Armstrong is an important part of our childhoods, and basically Universal is saying, "We're just going to take a big steaming crap all over your memories in order to make a few bucks by casting a bankable star that a bunch of little girls or something want to watch in this movie." And that sucks, man.

How many hours did I spend... pulling that guy's arms and legs? How many hours did I spend wondering what in the holy hell is the liquidy goo stuff that is inside his body? How many hours did I spend wondering what the hell that stuff tastes like?

And Universal, with callous disregard for the literally millions of Stretch Armstrong fans, who have been dreaming about a film version of their favorite action figure for decades, has decided to cast that kid from "Twilight"? That's it. I am already calling for a boycott of this.

Seriously, who is with me? I already hate this movie, it's a huge mistake, and I don't we should reward a cynical movie company that only cares about making a profit instead of making a movie that will appeal to those of us who have loved this wonderful character that meant so much to our childhoods.

They ruined Transformers. They ruined G.I. Joe. They ruined our childhood. At long last -- they have gone too far. This stops now! Down with the cynical exploitation of our favorite action figures for movie profit!

Leave Stretch Armstrong alone!


Stretch Armstrong and Stretch Monster pic source.
Taylor Lautner pic source.

The Obamas Seem Not to Care So Much Anymore About their Daughters' Privacy

Back in August last year, president Obama wanted the press to keep away from his daughters.

Unlike recent presidents, Obama has two young children, and the first couple is adamant that the girls be left alone. That means no approaching, cameras in tow, when Sasha and Malia are trying to get ice cream, or perhaps ride on the island’s famed carousel.

Aside from wishing a good time for all, in fact, the president had one clear message yesterday for reporters, said Bill Burton, the deputy White House press secretary: “The first family would very much appreciate if you respect the privacy of the girls while they’re out here on vacation.’’

That sounds reasonable. After all, it's not the kids' fault that their parents are politicians; why should they be punished for it?

Now, however, it seems that the "first family" (do they really refer to themselves that way?) is somewhat less concerned about the daughters' privacy. In fact, Michelle Obama, the wife of the president, blabbed to the world about -- well, it appears as though Ms. Obama blabbed about her daughters' weight.

"We went to our pediatrician all the time," Obama said. "I thought my kids were perfect -- they are and always will be -- but he [the doctor] warned that he was concerned that something was getting off balance."

"I didn't see the changes. And that's also part of the problem, or part of the challenge. It's often hard to see changes in your own kids when you're living with them day in and day out," she added. "But we often simply don't realize that those kids are our kids, and our kids could be in danger of becoming obese. We always think that only happens to someone else's kid -- and I was in that position."

All "first ladies" (what an irritating term!) champion some sort of "issue" (what an irritating tradition!). With the previous "first lady" it was literacy. The one before that was into more general childhood/adoption issues (she also tried to pass universal health care). The one before that was literacy. The one before that was "just say no." Etc.

Ms. Obama's issue is apparently childhood obesity.

On the one-year anniversary of Michelle's move to the White House, she has finally chosen her pet issue: childhood obesity. This news comes at the same time as a CDC report that says childhood obesity has plateaued. 17 percent of children are obese—that's about the same as it has been for the past five years. However, the number of extremely obese children is on the rise, and Michelle seeks to reduce these rates through changes to the school lunch program and continuing to maintain the White House vegetable garden.

(My emphasis in the above because, really, how is a White House vegetable garden supposed to do anything about childhood obesity? Is the author of that post really so clueless, or are Ms. Obama's initiatives regarding her "pet issue" really so sparse?)

There is plenty to debate about the "obesity epidemic," but there are also a lot of kids who do not eat "healthy." I don't see anything particularly wrong with trying to educate people about what they can do to maintain better health. But it doesn't exactly have a "cutting edge" feel to it, does it?

First Lady taking on childhood obesity.

Okay, fine, I guess. But I wonder if any of Ms. Obama's childhood obesity initiatives will include any programs aimed at improving parenting skills? Because I have to say that if I had been the son of a "first lady" who went on television when I was a little kid (I have no idea how old the Obamas' daughters are) and implied to the world that I was almost, just by the narrowest of margins a little fatty boy, it would be enough to drive me to eat. A lot. Heck, it might even get me started on drugs, and make me stop reading, and caring about kids.

Which would be a slap in the face to all the "first ladies."

Did Michelle Obama forget that the White House has said her daughters are off limits?

Michelle Obama pic source.

New Post at When Falls the Coliseum: Light Bulb Prohibition

The coming War on Incandescents can be previewed here.

Joe Simon and Jack Kirby Take on the Nefarious Menace of the Marijuana!

I have only just this week gotten around to reading the beautiful book The Best of Simon and Kirby, which features some absolutely amazing comic book artwork by two masters of the form, originally published in comics dated from 1940 to 1966. I can't recommend this book highly enough.

For the artwork.

The stories are a little -- dated, in places. Simplistic. Sometimes embarrassingly propagandistic. Such as one of the "Crime Drama" pieces, titled "Trapping New England's Chain Murderer!" This story of a serial killer of women published in May 1947 has some truly riveting and visceral artwork. However, it's in the service of a laughable message about the dangers of falling victim to the marijuana. Check out the last page:

"I killed 'em all!! When I don't get a reefer, I go crazy.... crazy!"

That was the government's line. Reefer makes you into a crazed, well, chain murderer.

It's interesting that the comics toed this line about the dangers of the marijuana (and Simon and Kirby's story was not exactly the only comic warning about the dangers of reefer), yet that wasn't enough to prevent the government going after them. As Mark Evanier notes in the introduction to the "Crime Drama" section,

The Kefauver Commission -- helmed by Tennessee Senator Estes Kefauver, who hoped to ride it all the way to the White House -- saw the gunplay and saw the blood, and that was enough for them, especially since the entire industry was suspect.

From out of that senate committee investigating comic books (!) came the comics code, which did a pretty effective job of neutering comics content up into the early 80s.

Of course, comics today are propaganda-free, as artists exercise their expanded freedom of expression to write stories that challenge authority and the status-quo.

New Posting at When Falls the Coliseum

I was inspired by the fact that Dr Phil came out against the game FarmVille, and shared a little insight into my own life here.

It's funny I think!

I'm Pretty Sure that Lady GaGa is Living the Life I was Supposed to Live

She's rich, she's famous, and she creates dumb but impossibly catchy songs that even hipster doofuses like.

And now, as if that wasn't enough... She had an affair with Angelina Jolie?

According to Ian Halperin, author of the recent bestseller Brangelina: The Untold Story of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, the Tomb Raider star might have cheated on partner Brad Pitt with Love Game singer Lady GaGa.

Jolie — who is openly bisexual — and GaGa — a rumored hermaphrodite — had a secret rendez vous at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel that lasted all night, Halperin alleges.

“Angie is obsessed with Lady Gaga,” a source said.

And what is sex with Ms. Jolie like? Well, in an interview with something called InTouch, a housekeeper offers the following insights:

Anna Kowalski, a housekeeper who worked extensively with the family on their numerous visits to the Waldorf-Astoria in New York, says she walked into Jolie’s room and saw Jolie’s bed strewn with sex toys.

“The room was a disaster,” Anna revealed. “There was water all over the bathroom and empty vodka bottles everywhere. Every towel had been used. And over five dozen cattleya orchids were scattered around the room, and there were the tops of the flowers in the tub, with candles.

“The bed was covered with black rubber sheets, and there were sex toys on it.”

Water all over the bathroom (where was all the water? in the bathtub? in the toilet bowl? where else would it be?), vodka bottles, flowers in the tub (how romantic!) and rubber sheets. That sounds pretty exciting.

There is no doubt in my mind -- Lady GaGa is living the life I was supposed to live.

This woman is living my life.

Lady GaGa pic source.

My First Post at When Falls the Coliseum -- Promiscuity Only Sex Education

I'll be posting occasionally at a website called "When Falls the Coliseum," which is well worth your time even if you don't go there to check out my stuff, although you'd be foolish not to mosey on over and check out my heartfelt piece on promiscuity-only sex education.

There is also a particularly goony-looking photo of me. When did I get so, um, interesting looking?

No Vacation from Whipping Yourself

If you think the former Pope John Paul II took a vacation from whipping himself with a belt, the Associated Press will disabuse you of that particular misapprehension with a single paragraph:

Pope John Paul II whipped himself with a belt, even on vacation, and slept on the floor as acts of penitence and to bring him closer to Christian perfection, according to a new book by the Polish prelate spearheading his sainthood case.

That's right. Pope John Paul II whipped himself with a belt -- even on vacation! He didn't let a trip to the beach, or Disneyland, or what have you, get in the way of his particular brand of self-abuse.

"Hey, Pope, slow down! Put the belt away! You're on vacation!"

"That doesn't mean I can't -- ouch! -- bring myself closer to Christian perfection -- ouch!"

The Polish prelate's book has the charmingly unambiguous title "Why He's a Saint," and the whipping himself and sleeping on the floor (hey! I do that too, sometimes!) are only two of the reasons why John Paul II should be sainted.

The book also reported for the first time that John Paul forgave his would-be assassin in the ambulance on the way to the hospital moments after he was shot on May 13, 1981, in St. Peter's Square. And it reported that he initially thought his attacker was a member of the Italian terrorist organization the Red Brigades.

This raises the question: Once he found out that it wasn't a member of the Italian terrorist organization, did the Pope retract his forgiveness?

But that's beside the point. We get a few more paragraphs down the AP story, and we're hit with this:

In the book, [Monsignor Slawomir] Oder wrote that John Paul frequently denied himself food — especially during the holy season of Lent — and "frequently spent the night on the bare floor," messing up his bed in the morning so he wouldn't draw attention to his act of penitence.

First of all, we're not told exactly how much food the Pope denied himself (I guess we have to buy the book to find out). If it was a lot of food, like a buffet, maybe I'd be impressed. Then again, I get grumpy when I don't get my nightly serving of foie gras. But check out the last bit of that quote. It turns out, there are no witnesses to the Pope's floor-sleeping! He messed up his sheets so as to not draw attention to the fact (?) that he'd slept on the floor all night.

And if he wasn't trying to draw attention to it -- how did anyone find out about it?

Maid: "Pope, your bed is so messy!"

Pope: "Uh, yeah... because I slept in it... I didn't sleep on the floor as an act of self-denial. I slept on the bed, and really messed it up."

If he really wanted to throw them off, he should have peed on the bed.

Come to think of it, why did anyone know about the Pope's self-whipping? Did he do that out in public? The sleeping on the floor is too much, I don't want to overwhelm everyone with my amazing self-sacrifice, I'll just pretend like I actually spent the night in my warn and downy-soft bed. But the whipping myself with a belt... that I can do at the beach.

By all means, saintify this man.

Jay Leno and the White House Correspondents Dinner Conspiracy Theory-- How Far Does it Go?

Things are looking down for Barack Obama right now. In Massachusetts, voters elected their first republican senator since 1972, at least partly as a rebuke of Obama's agenda.

Just what squeamish Democrats signaling they are ready to punt on health care reform didn’t need to hear: A brand new post-election poll of Massachusetts voters shows two-thirds of the respondents say their vote was in part to send the message that they oppose the Democratic agenda.

(Also, it didn't help that the democrat who ran for that seat was a total scumbag).

Obama's approval numbers are way down.

The Rasmussen Reports daily Presidential Tracking Poll for Saturday shows that 24% of the nation's voters Strongly Approve of the way that Barack Obama is performing his role as President. Forty-three percent (43%) Strongly Disapprove giving Obama a Presidential Approval Index rating of -19.

Another poll shows that "health care reform" is also unpopular.

[P]olling released earlier today shows that 61% of voters nationwide want Congress to drop the health care plan and focus on the economy and jobs.
The final tracking numbers indicate that public expectations for the legislation fell sharply following Tuesday’s Senate vote in Massachusetts. Prior to Republican Scott Brown’s stunning victory in that overwhelmingly Democratic state, 70% of voters nationwide said it was at least somewhat likely the legislation would pass. Polling on Wednesday and Thursday nights found that number had fallen to 42% while 50% said it was unlikely to pass.

Can things get any worse for the president? Yes, they can! Because he has chosen Jay Leno, so widely-reviled by the media and the twitterverse, to perform at a ridiculous event called "The White House Correspondents Dinner."

Timing is everything. Unfortunately, the White House's stinks.

How else to explain why President Obama's crew thought it would be a good idea to enlist Jay Leno—the reigning Most Hated Man in Prime Time Late Night—as the emcee of this year's White House Correspondents Association dinner?

Granted, the organization made the decision to hire the comic several weeks ago, when CoCo fever hadn't even started, let alone reached fever pitch. And the group no doubt felt it was making a moderately safe and relatively under-the-radar choice with Leno, a comic who, up until a couple weeks ago, didn't have a controversial bone in his body.

Everyone knows the cool kids are on "Team Coco"!

Neither the president nor Oprah Winfrey is on "Team Coco."

All the cool kids except Oprah Winfrey, that is:

Jay Leno is set to appear on'The Oprah Winfrey Show' next Thursday in a one-on-one interview, according to a report in Entertainment Weekly.
...
Leno and Winfrey are friends so he can expect few, if any, pressing questions -- just air time to polish his image.

I don't want to sound like a conspiracy theorist, but I have a conspiracy theory about this. As the E! online article (which is pretty poorly written, actually... do they have editors over there?) states, the decision to use Mr. Leno was probably made awhile ago. They can't back out of it now, even though the cool kids are on "Team Coco," as I've already said. So, Mr. Obama goes to his good friend and campaigner Ms. Winfrey and asks her to help this Leno guy rehabilitate himself in time for the correspondents dinner thing.

Jay Leno has friends in high places-- like the presidency.

Also, Mr. Leno has been a "good soldier" for NBC, which is (for now at least) owned by GE. The CEO of GE is Jeff Immelt. Jeff Immelt is a member of Mr. Obama's economic advisory board:

President Barack Obama has named Jeffrey Immelt, CEO of NBC Universal parent GE, to his new economic advisory board.

The new board is modeled on the foreign intelligence advisory board created under President Dwight Eisenhower, according to the White House, and will "provide an independent voice on economic issues and will be charged with offering independent advice to the President as he formulates and implements his plans for economic recovery."

This is clearly a massive conspiracy involving the winner of the Nobel Peace Prize, the most popular woman on television, the head of a huge megaconglomerate, and the host of a prime time and soon to be late night talk show.

It's also telling that, in an age where the president has criticized "shameful" bonuses doled out on Wall Street, Mr. Obama has remained silent on Mr. O'Brien's huge payday. The implication of this is clear: Let's just shut Mr. O'Brien up, get him out of the way, and let Mr. Leno take over the show again.

Can it be a coincidence that the supreme court just announced that they are striking down some "campaign finance laws"?

This is clearly an abuse of power meant to rehabilitate the image of Jay Leno. "Team Coco" hasn't got a chance! From now on, the only job Mr. O'Brien will be able to get will be doing dinner theater performances of my own play, "The Swedish Catamite," at Shakey's pizza.

Casting now, by the way!

Team Coco pic source.
Jay Leno pic source.

John Edwards is the Ultimate Politician

John Edwards, motherf*cker, is in Haiti. Because, you know, he really cares about poverty and misery and all that and he just wants to help people. His selfless trip has nothing to do with trying to divert attention away from the fact that he is now admitting that he fathered a child with the woman he denied having an affair with.

Former senator and presidential candidate John Edwards arrived in Haiti Thursday to distribute aid to earthquake victims. But his good intentions will not be enough to overshadow the latest twist in the scandal that ruined his political career.

The quote is the first paragraph from the cbsnews.com story linked above. Did you catch the enabling, sleazy line the author of the story dropped in there? If not, I highlighted it for you. Because it's just so subtle.

John Edwards's "good intentions." After everything this motherf*cker has done, how oh how can anyone accuse him of having "good intentions"?

That "latest twist in the scandal that ruined his political career" is the admission that he is the father of Reille Hunter's child. The article chops up Edwards's statement:

"I am Quinn's father," the former senator declared in his statement, as the second birthday of Frances Quinn Hunter approaches.
...
In the statement Edwards released Thursday, he said, "I will do everything in my power to provide her (Frances) with the love and support she deserves. I have been able to spend time with her during the past year and trust that future efforts to show her the love and affection she deserves can be done privately and in peace."

Edwards also said, "It was wrong for me ever to deny she was my daughter and hopefully one day, when she understands, she will forgive me."

"I have been providing financial support for Quinn and have reached an agreement with her mother to continue providing support in the future," the statement said. "To all those I have disappointed and hurt, these words will never be enough, but I am truly sorry."

Lest we forget, it's not merely that Edwards denied he was the father of this girl. He also cheated on his wife when she was sick with cancer, and apparently told Ms. Hunter that they'd have a great wedding, with the Dave Matthews Band, when his wife finally kicked off.

He also convinced a campaign aide to claim that he was actually the father of Ms. Hunter's child:

A former Edwards aide, Andrew Young, initially claimed paternity of the child shortly before the 2008 presidential primary contests began. Young is scheduled to release a book on Feb. 2 that details the scandal.
...
In an excerpt of an ABC News interview released Thursday, Young says that Edwards asked him to arrange a fake paternity test.

"Get a doctor to fake the DNA results," Young said Edwards told him. "And he asked me ... to steal a diaper from the baby so he could secretly do a DNA test to find out if this (was) indeed his child."

(How does the "will-you-get-a-doctor-to-fake-a-paternity-test-for-me" conversation start?

Edwards: Hey, Andy, you heard the new Dave Matthews CD? It really grooves.
Young: Yeah, it's good.
Edwards: By the way, uh, could you find a doctor who can fake a paternity test for me?)

There's also the fact that he is under investigation for using campaign funds (you know, money that people donated to his campaign for president, for crying out loud) to pay for Ms. Hunter to keep her damn mouth shut while he tried to win the democrat nomination.

John Edwards is a motherf*cker. But how unpopular is he? The Huffington Post has a story up about that very topic, headlined "John Edwards Now Most Unpopular Figure Anywhere, Anytime: Pollster."

How unpopular is John Edwards? Though it seems obvious, the findings of a new poll on the former senator and vice presidential candidate John Edwards are still startling if only for the reflection of how far he has fallen in the world of public opinion.

The North Carolina Democrat is viewed positively by only 15 percent of voters in his home state, according to the firm Public Policy Polling. That total makes Edwards the "most unpopular person we've polled anywhere at any time," conclude the survey's authors.

He's still seen positively by 25% of Democrats but only 9% of independents and 3% of Republicans. Interestingly despite his new image as a philanderer men have a more unfavorable opinion of him (75%) than women (68%).

Wait-- what?

After everything John Edwards has done, he's still seen positively by 25% of democrats, 9% of independents, and 3% of republicans? 15% of voters in North Carolina have a positive view of him? His "unfavorables" among men are 75% and among women 68%?

Whaaaaaaaatttttttt?????? How could anyone have a "favorable" view of this motherf*cker? What do you have to do to skeeve out those 32% of women who don't have an unfavorable view of this guy?

John Edwards is the ultimate politician.

(Then again, Scott Peterson was surprisingly popular with the ladies, even after being convicted of murdering his wife.)

Anyway, what John Edwards did was not much different from what all politicians do. He just did it bigger.

All politicians use their families for political gain. Remember when Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace prize, and he said,

"This is not how I expected to wake up this morning," Obama quipped later. "After I received the news, [daughter] Malia walked in and said, 'Daddy, you won the Nobel Peace Prize, and it is [family dog] Bo's birthday.' "

Ha, ha. See how he subtly used his daughter to show that even though he's the president and winner of this big prestigious prize, he's still got a child who isn't all that impressed with his accomplishments-- just like normal folks!

Politicians take their kids with them on the road for campaign stops all the time. The kids are props used to trick people into believing politicians are "human." Edwards used his kids for political gain, as well. But he did it bigger:

Edwards had told [John] Kerry [2004 democrat presidential candidate] he was going to share a story with him that he'd never told anyone else—that after his son Wade had been killed, he climbed onto the slab at the funeral home, laid there and hugged his body, and promised that he'd do all he could to make life better for people, to live up to Wade's ideals of service. Kerry was stunned, not moved, because, as he told me later, Edwards had recounted the same exact story to him, almost in the exact same words, a year or two before—and with the same preface, that he'd never shared the memory with anyone else. Kerry said he found it chilling, and he decided he couldn't pick Edwards unless he met with him again.

Edwards used his dead son for political gain.

Politicians use their wives, too. You know, to show that even though they're politicians, somebody actually loves them, and, of their own free will, actually spends time with them. Even the last president, GW Bush, had a wife, who for whatever reason thought enough of him to go out and campaign for him in 2004:

Mrs. Bush is hitting the road these days, already putting in long hours on the campaign trail.

The Bush campaign sees the first lady as a major asset, and officials say they plan to use her to woo independent voters in key swing states — like Arkansas, the first stop on her latest trip.

Laura Bush's style is low key, and, as a former schoolteacher, she usually emphasizes noncontroversial education issues.

John Edwards also used his wife. But again, he did it bigger.


Edwards used his wife's cancer for political gain.

Politicians use diversionary tactics to distract from their own loathsome behavior. When Bill Clinton was being grand-juried over the whole "Monica Lewinsky scandal," it suddenly became very important for him to appear, you know, presidential. So he bombed a pharmaceutical factory:

Sources in U.S. Intelligence apparently claimed that there was only one "window" through which to strike at bin Laden, and that the only time they could hope to hit his Afghan fastness by this remote means was on the night of Monica Lewinsky's return to the grand jury.

Edwards doesn't have the benefit of the power to bomb people. (Can you imagine if Edwards had actually won the presidency? Think about that-- John Edwards might be president right now-- or at least vice president!) But what he does have is a massive earthquake that has caused a humanitarian crisis in Haiti. So he released a statement saying that he is the father of that baby for whom he denied responsibility for so long, on the day he flew to Haiti to hand out some water bottles and display his "good intentions."

Edwards used an earthquake that killed tens of thousands of people, and left hundreds of thousands without homes, for political gain.

John Edwards is the ultimate politician. He does it all bigger.

What The Ultimate Warrior was to professional wrestling is what John Edwards is to politics. He used all of the skills and cunning of his chosen profession to rise to the top, but burned too brightly, too quickly, and flamed out spectacularly.

Edwards pic source.
Ultimate Warrior pic source.