Saturday, November 24, 2007

Weekend Box Office Predictions for The Weekend of November 23-25

I'm still on the inside, as far a Hollywood is concerned, so I have a unique perspective. Here are my picks for the top ten:

ENCHANTED: Are you kidding me? This is the most enchantingly titled film of the weekend, possibly in history. There is no way a film of such enchantment could fail to make anything less than $1 billion, as audiences flock to see this enchanting story of a princess who becomes a real woman. I think it involves transgenderism, and a young man dressed as Cher. It is also getting rave reviews as the critics choice, as most critics have called it as enchanting as anything, ever. Expect this to enchant moviegoers as well. As stated previously, I expect this film to make $1 billion, but that is a conservative estimate. Look for a $3 or $4 billion weekend for this piece of enchantment.

BEE MOVEMENT: Jerry Seinfeld provides the voice and attitude for a lovable, computer-animated piece of excrement, who takes the human race to court after he is flushed down a toilet. In the end, he wins his court case, and the human race is forced to treat all its poo just like real human beings, at least until the case is heard by the Supreme Court. Idiosyncratic justice Anthony Kennedy is the swing vote, and in a controversial 5-4 decision, the original ruling is overturned, and it's back to the sewer for "Bee" and all his poo friends. I expect audiences won't "poo-poo" this film, and it will make over $550 million this weekend.

THE MIST: I've been warned not to reveal the shocking twist ending to this terror fest, in which the Mist turns out to be a giant flatus pancake, and the townspeople must defeat it by forcing a cute little child to kill his own even-cuter dog. But once word of the twist gets out, expect this film to get a sizable per-screen average of $979,248.67, and that's no "mist"-ake.

AMERICAN GANGSTER: The amazing scene toward the end, when Russell Crowe's and Denzel Washington's characters make tender love, has audiences gasping for more, and I expect this film to continue its blistering box office pace. It should only drop about 73% from last weekend, bringing its total to a very high number.

BEOWULF: Eye-assaulting visuals will continue to make this film a big ticket seller at the box office. I expect based on what my gurus are telling me that a drop of about half what they expect (the studio is downplaying expectations, although because of certain accounting principles expectations are actually about a third as high as you think they are) would still give this film more money than the original story made for its original author, who existed before modern copyright law. Sucker!

FRED CLAUS: Really? Is this movie still out?

NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN: If this film were playing in more than one theater, it might actually make some money. As it is, it will probably only make about $98 million, which is still pretty good considering its tough-sell subject matter (murder).

AUGUST RUSH: A lovable homeless kid learns to play piano by practicing on discarded pizza boxes. He plays Carnegie Hall. Everyone is enchanted. Moviegoer awareness is tracking very low on this challenging feature, so look for it to make in the low 80s of millions of dollars, for a disappointing cume.

HITMAN: Based on a video game, this exciting-looking film will no doubt get the gamers to put down their "joysticks" and pick up their "movie tix" to check out this adaptation of their favorite game. Hollywood has a history of getting video game adaptations right, so look for this film to open H*U*G*E, to about a $235 million weekend (I'm including Wednesday and Thursday in that total; sorry, I should have mentioned that before).

MR AGORAFOBIUM'S EMPORIUM EMPORIUM AQUARIUM EMPORIUM: Last weekend, this was the most enchanting title of all the films in release. This weekend, moviegoers won't even remember the title, as they spend all their "enchantment" money on "Enchanted." This movie about an old man and his endless shoe supply should still "walk" its way to a cume of $100 million, after about 450 years.

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