Friday, December 21, 2007

Exclusive Excerpt from Lynne Spears' book on parenting



As a publishing insider, I was able to call in a few favors from some other publishing insiders, who wish to remain nameless (Paulie and Wilson) and get my hands on a manuscript copy of Lynne Spears' parenting book, which was supposed to be published Mother's Day 2008, but has been pulled indefinitely. I also got my hands on a copy of the mock-up for the cover.

As you'll read, the prose style is for want of a better word "hillbilly." But the insights provided into the raising of famous children are invaluable. Nevertheless, I didn't want to present too much because I'm afraid if someone from the publisher sees this they'll ask me to take it down. Anyway, read below:

Excerpt from “I Am A Real Mother, and You Can Be Too,” by Lynne Spears, mother of Britney Spears and Jamie Lynn Spears

CHAPTER THREE:

I GOT THREE DAUGHTERS

Go ahead and read that chapter heading again, I can wait. It reads, “I got three daughters,” in case you couldn’t go back and read it again. You probably didn’t know that, did you? You probably just thought I got only two daughters, one goes by the name Britney, the other one goes by the name of Jamie Lynn. But them two is only the famous ones. There is another daughter too, another daughter what’s not famous. Her name ain’t important, but I would like to mention to you, the reader, about what she’s not famous for.

She’s not famous for she ain’t got the emotional maturity to be famous yet.

For you see, a real mother will take her daughters aside and say, “Are you ready to be famous?” If the girl will look the mother in the eyes and tell her that yes, she is ready, as Britney did when she is 12 years old, and you can tell by looking in her eyes that she is ready, then the real mother will take that daughter and buy her the prettiest tank top and lipstick that she can find, along with a nice short pleated skirt, and pony-tail her hair up, and take her to auditions. She will do so tirelessly, for a real mother sacrifices what her own life is for to help her daughter.

Now when you got the one daughter who is making it as a singer and a actress (“Crossroads,”) you will ask the other daughter, “Now little daughter, is you ready for to be famous?” and if she can say that yes she is ready, and you can tell from the look in her eyes just how bad she wants it, as my other daughter Jamie Lynn did want it, then you will take that second daughter out and buy her something maybe chiffon colored, and you will bleach her hair blond, and you will leverage the success of the first daughter to get the second one a tv show, on account of she’s maybe not as talented as the first one, even though she wants to be famous just as bad. Who is the mother to judge such things? To the real mother, each of them daughters is equally talented.

Now suppose you are concentrating on making sure that daughter number one stays on that righteous Christian path you set her on, and then daughter number two is also on that same path, you got to spend so much energy as a parent just making sure, that you learn all kinds of things. Well, then you ask the third daughter, “Is you ready to be famous?” and she either answers yes or no, but it doesn’t matter which way she answers, on account of you got to look in her eyes, and if you know she ain’t ready, then you don’t let her go out and be famous. That is what the real mother does.

Yes, that’s right, I got three daughters, and I am proud of each one of them. But you only know about the two you know about, for a real mother don’t send her daughters out till they is ready.

1 comment:

Melissa said...

Oh my god. You didn't.