Tuesday, December 18, 2007
EXCLUSIVE! JAMIE LYNN SPEARS CARRYING MIKE HUCKABEE'S LOVECHILD!
Okay, this is a H*U*G*E scandal, with a capital "SCA"! My sources are telling me that all of Brit's efforts to gain the attention of Republican presidential hopeful Mike "F*ckabee" Huckabee have been for naught, because the Southern Baptist satyr only has eyes for her younger sister, Jamie Lynn! The Zooey 101 star just revealed today that she is preggers, but she hasn't revealed the whole story: That the father of the bastard fetus is F*ckabee! My sources tell me that F*ckabee is annoyed as hell with the nymphet because a) she told him she was on the pill, and b) she told him she was much older than 16! While 16 might be the legal age of consent in F*ckabee's home state of Arkansas (or it might not be, how the hell would I know?), the state of California, where Jamie Lynn resides, is not nearly as "progressive," and the Attorney General (a Democrat) is looking at possible statutory rape charges!
Strangely, this hasn't affected F*ckabee's surge in the polls-- if anything, it seems to have helped him, since his poll numbers have risen in key early primary states since the news broke! Farlowe Fanshaw, a registered Republican in the great state of Iowa, tells me that he intends to caucus for F*ckabee: "He's a good Christian; you can tell that because she's not getting an abortion. None of the women he's knocked up are getting abortions, and the people who are dredging this up are just out to get him because he's not rich like Romney or a cross dresser like Giuliani."
In this highly dubious undated photo, we see F*ckabee with Jamie Lynn, allegedly before the tryst that led to Jamie's "condition"! On a personal note, I'm not gay, but I would definitely hit that-- the man is buff!
Anyway, good luck "Huckalynn"!