Saturday, March 29, 2008
EXCLUSIVE! John McCain Plastic Surgery Nightmare!
This is a big exclusive, so hold on tight! For weeks, the political world has been so focused on the two Democratic presidential candidates, Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton (in case you've forgotten who they were) that very little attention has been paid to John McCain, who recently returned from an overseas trip sporting a "new look!" His handlers claim that the presumptive Republican presidential nominee is simply glowing because of his success at the polls, but more alarmist sources claim that McCain has had extensive- and ruinous- plastic surgery, in an attempt to appear younger to voters worried about McCain's advanced age (he's 104)! Personally, I've been reluctant to report on this, as the whole thing seems a bit far-fetched, but that was before "The King of Pop" Michael Jackson offered the Republican his coveted endorsement. I'm no conspiracy theorist, but I believe that McCain won Jacko's ordinarily hard-left heart because they share the same plastic surgeon! Looking at this fantastic photo of the two, taken during the press conference announcing MJ's support, it's easy to see why many believe they've been nipping and tucking at the same place.
Talk of McCain selecting Jacko as his running mate is premature, but I'm starting it right now so that when it happens I'll get credit for my great prognostication!