Tuesday, March 25, 2008

In Ohio, you may only cast a vote if you are pure of heart, and of motive.

“I’m here to vote.”

“That’s fine, sir. What is your party affiliation?”

“I’m registered as a Republican, but I would like to change that to Democrat.”

The poll worker eyed me suspiciously. “I see,” she said at length. “And why is it that you want to change your affiliation to Democrat?”

The voter was offended. “I don’t have to tell you that.”

“Oh yes you do. According to state law, poll workers have an obligation to assess the purity of voters who wish to change their affiliation on the day of the polls.”

Reluctantly, voter said, “I’d like to vote for Hillary Clinton.”

She stroked her chin, and her eyes narrowed. “Why do you want to vote for Hillary Clinton?”

Voter sighed heavily. “Because I want to vote for her!”

Poll Worker leaned back in her chair and rolled her eyes. “But why do you want to vote for her.”

Voter said, “I like her… policies…”

“What policies of hers do you like?”

“The ones about… the government.”

“Could you be a little more vague?” Poll Worker asked, popping a piece of chewing gum in her mouth.

“Her policies on the war!” Voter said in a triumphant tone.

“Hmm,” Poll Worker said. “I don’t think so.” She handed him a Republican ballot, then folded her arms. “Maybe next time.”

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