PCMR Newswire Exclusive By Ricky Sprague
My sources tell me that John McCain has narrowed the list of possible running mates to five lucky contenders! My sources have also provided me with the list in question, complete with pros and cons for each contender!
Ashley Alexandra Dupre:
Pro: She forced New York Governor Eliot Spitzer to resign in disgrace, showing she has what it takes to bring down a seemingly invincible Democrat!
Con: She is a 22 year old prostitute.
Pro: He's very popular with Independents, a constituency that John McCain is trying to reach out to.
Con: Hillary Clinton is trying to get him to run as her Vice President.
Pro: An integral part of the current administration, which McCain is trying to extend.
Con: An integral part of the current administration, which McCain is trying to extend.
Pro: His volatile temper makes him the perfect foil for the soft-spoken McCain; he's also an excellent fisherman.
Con: Picked Pittsburgh to win this year's NCAA tournament.
Mike "F*ckabee" Huckabee:
Pro: He is well-liked by social conservatives, and has God on his side.
Con: God didn't help him win the nomination, did He?
I guess we won't know for certain which of these lucky people will get the nod from McCain, but one thing is absolutely beyond dispute: It will for certain be one of the five people on this list, and you can bet money on that.
Carrie Pugsky contributed research to this story.