Friday, May 9, 2008

Jokes About Your Favorite Celebrities: Britney Spears, Paula Abdul, Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Jamie Lynn Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Simpson!

A joke about Paula Abdul:

She once lost a spelling contest to the black stuff between her own toes. Why would she even enter such a contest? She was told that the first prize was self-respect. She didn’t realize that self-respect is something you have to earn on your own; it can’t be awarded by someone else!

A joke about Paris Hilton:

She is so dumb, she thought an iPod was a breathing device. The reason she put it into her vagina was because one of her ex-boyfriends fell in, and when rescuers couldn’t get him out, he complained that it was difficult to breathe.

A joke about Britney Spears:

For a Starbucks gift card with $34.19 in credit on it, Britney Spears inadvertently sold her two sons to the ringleader of a worldwide child prostitution ring. The sons were taken to Thailand, where by day they were forced to work in a factory making shoes that cost over $250 in America. By night, they were used as the playthings of the most sickening, twisted, and perverted businessmen from around the world.
When she was presented with her “Mother of the Year” award by the National Parents Association, the plaque read, “Presented to Britney Spears, our Mother of the Year, For selflessly allowing someone more qualified than her to raise her children.”

A joke about Kim Kardashian:

Her buttocks are so large.
How large are they?
They are so large that that is all she is known for.

A joke about Jamie Lynn Spears:

Boy who got Jamie Lynn Spears pregnant: Come on, let me have sex with you.
Jamie Lynn Spears: Okay, but use a condom.
Boy: Why?
Jamie Lynn: Because I don’t want to get pregnant.
Boy: You can’t get pregnant on your first time.
Jamie Lynn: I’m not a virgin.
Boy: But I am.
Jamie Lynn: Then put it into me!

A joke about Jessica Simpson:

Jessica Simpson is dating a professional football player because her breasts remind him of footballs.

A joke about Lindsay Lohan:

One night Lindsay Lohan got very drunk and forgot to get her bikini area waxed. She had a full day's growth of hair down there. When she found a man she wanted to have sex with, she was too embarrassed to let him see her with so much hair, so she told him that she could not have sex with him that night, because she was on her period. The man said that he didn't mind the menstrual fluid, since all he really wanted was to have sex with her. But she said that she had a problem with her flow, it was very, very heavy. Sometimes she would lose over three quarts of fluid during her cycles, sometimes within a few hours. Again, the man said he didn't care about that, he'd fallen in love with her in the ten minutes they'd known each other. Still not wanting him to see her unshaven, she explained that in addition to being on her period, she also had some kind of disease caused her to discharge a substance that had the consistency of Karo syrup, the odor of spoiled milk, and the feel of battery acid. The man looked deep in her eyes and told her that all he wanted was to share a special moment with the new love of his life, and he would brave all to do so. Finally, she could see the sincerity in his face, so she hiked up her dress and exposed her hairiness. "Oh my god!" the man said, disgusted. "I'm not putting my dong into anything that looks like that!"

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