Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Exclusive! Barack Obama's Short List of Possible Running Mates

Barack Obama has just asked the guy who helped pick running mates for Walter Mondale in 1984 and John Kerry in 2004 to find him a running mate for 2008! Because, obviously, things worked out really well in '84 and '04! This guy is a genius! I mean really first class! And he's already got a short list down to 5 possibilities, presented below in this PCMR exclusive!

Choice 1: Hillary Clinton

Pros: She is a woman, and a lot of women are fanatical about supporting her.

Cons: She is a giant douchebag.

Choice 2: Michael Bloomberg

Pros: He is wealthy beyond all imagining. Obama has had trouble raising money, and McCain looks like he's going to have gobs and gobs of money, so Bloomberg's wallet will help Obama keep up.

Cons: He is a giant douchebag.

Choice 3: Joe Lieberman

Pros: He gives Obama instant credibility on foreign affairs, because he is such an expert on everything.

Cons: He is a giant douchebag.

Choice 4: Mel Gibson

Pros: As a deeply religious man, he will reassure wary "values voters" that Obama is at least tolerant of religious men. He is also a skilled filmmaker, who will shoot great campaign ads, mostly involving scourging and gutting.

Cons: He is a giant douchebag.

Choice 5: Ron Paul

Pros: Has a legion of followers who will send him tons of money, and gosh knows Obama needs plenty of that (see Bloomberg, above). And John McCain hates him.

Cons: Too charismatic.

Ultimately, we'll just have to wait and see who Senator Obama selects as his running mate. Who will it be? I don't know, but one thing is certain: It will be exactly the wrong person!

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