Friday, June 6, 2008

New McCain Campaign Strategy De-Emphasizes War Experience

Given the fact that often in recent presidential elections the candidate with less military experience has lost to the candidate with more military experience (GW Bush beat Kerry and Gore; Bill Clinton beat Dole and Bush; Regan beat Carter), John McCain's campaign has decided to de-emphasize his military achievements.

The plan is a difficult and highly controversial one, considering the fact that McCain has traded on his reputation as a war hero for his entire political career. But the campaign believes they can pull it off if they "ease" the electorate into perceiving McCain as a draft dodger. The first phase is to convince voters that McCain actually spent all of the Vietnam war as a member of the Pennsylvania Air National Guard. (Why Pennsylvania? It's a swing state!) To that end, McCain's campaign has released this photo, purportedly showing a young McCain hanging out, having fun beside an airplane, ready to take to the skies the minute Pennsylvania airspace is threatened! The next steps will include showing McCain at anti-war rallies in England, letters of deferment from the draft board to a young, college-student McCain, to be followed by a birth certificate showing that McCain was only six years old at the time the war occurred.

Concurrently, the McCain campaign will leak evidence showing that Barack Obama is actually a highly-decorated member of the 25th Infantry Division!

My sources agree that while this strategy is a long shot, it is McCain's only chance to beat Obama in November.

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