Tuesday, September 23, 2008

An Open Letter To The Jerk Who Used My Credit Card To Buy Gas In Florida

Dear Jerk,

You are a total jerk. Stop using my credit card to buy gas in Florida. Only a jerk would do that. It is my credit card, and my money, so stop using it.

Listen, I know these are tough economic times. I know that Florida is a depressing state to live in. That's two strikes against you, you jerk, and I don't even know who you are. You might also have bad breath or be physically unattractive besides (and I bet you do suffer from those things, you jerk). But guess what? Having a bunch of strikes against you does not give you the right to act like a jerk.

Now that all that's out of the way, I'd like to ask you how you did it. I mean, my card never left my wallet, and I am definitely not in Florida, so how did you get gas with it? That shows a lot of ingenuity, especially considering how big a jerk you are.

Why not use some of this ingenuity to get a productive job, maybe something in government, or at an investment bank? Those are the jobs for jerks like you, you jerk!

Psych! You're a big jerk, and I don't think you should get any job, except being a jerk, which is what you're already an expert at.

So the next time you're thinking of being a jerk, why not stop a few seconds and consider not being a jerk? I realize this might be difficult for you, but the rest of us, the people who are not jerks, will thank you for it.



PS: I hope the gas you bought with my card was the wrong grade for your vehicle, and you get engine knock, you jerk.

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