Friday, November 14, 2008

Does Obama Have Sex The Same Way the Rest of Us Do?

We all know that president-elect Obama is "the messiah," and "the one," someone more than a man on whom so many of our financial crisised, paranoid citizens have projected their hopes. Even that stalwart of journalistic integrity, Chris Matthews, has said he'll do anything he can to help the administration of the man who sent a thrill up his leg.

Obviously a lot has been written about all the amazing things Obama will do as president, but there's one issue that I haven't heard nearly enough about: How does Michelle Obama engage in carnal relations with him? Personally, I've always found it difficult to sleep with anyone for whom I have too much respect. I have to have some, of course, but frankly, if I have too much then I'm unable to do all of the things that I like to do. And if I thought that person was the freaking messiah, for crying out loud? Uhm, no, I don't think I could "hit that."

Plus, for all we know, the man ejaculates butterflies or something. I mean, he really is amazing. It wouldn't surprise me.

Of course I've spent the last eight years thinking about what sex must be like for the Bushes. I have no doubt it involves cowboy boots and hats, branding irons and bridles. His silt is probably slightly acidic. It's easy to imagine because Bush is just an average human being. Possibly even a little below average. The same, obviously, cannot be said for Obama.

Here's to four great years, America!

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