Saturday, January 3, 2009

Astrology "Featured" on Yahoo's Main Page

Of course I had to click through and see what was in store for me in 2009, since astrology is so amazing and accurate. Here is what is said for "Sagittarius":

You tend to attract just about everything you want this year through your warmth and magnetic Sagittarian That said, you may also go through some great transformational shifts in 2009 as you realize that your happiness no longer depends so much on possessions, but rather on the deeper meaning associated with things symbolic of love and sharing.

The grammar is just as subliterate as the sentiment. Really, read that first sentence again. There's at least one word missing and one piece of punctuation. Moreover, anyone who knows me personally will tell yo that I am neither "warm" nor "magnetic" (although I certainly think that I am, so I guess I should score that as a "hit" for the astrologers).

Instead of controlling what's happening around you, you now have experiences that perhaps you don't understand, but in allowing new insights to come in and have a voice, the rearranging of your resources and your values gives you a sense of security and growth.

Reading this sentence was an experience that perhaps I didn't understand.

By surrendering to your higher power, you realize you don't have to struggle as much to get what you want. As you open up to the ideas and energies flowing around you, your priorities shift dramatically. And -- you'll be happy to know -- you don't need to work as hard to enjoy sensual pleasures either!

Do I get to pick which "higher power" I "surrender" to? Seems a bit wishy-washy to me- dammit, when I check my horoscope I want concrete answers.

I'm not sure what the author of this horoscope has to go through for "sensual pleasures," but mine generally come with relatively little effort. That's part of what I enjoy about the sensual pleasures.

Great opportunities arise as your explore your potential, and discover what kind of environment best serves you in your endeavors. Being in touch with this part of yourself helps you align with your higher purpose, and your drive to continue will lead to great success. Life becomes much easier when you trust that the universe will take care of you.

Indeed, life is so much easier when you let some higher power make all your decisions for you. Especially in these tough economic times with rising inflation and unemployment and debt and bailouts and world crises. I'm just going to close my eyes and wait for the universe to take care of me, while I'm losing my job and getting kicked to the curb in an eviction. That's super.

Thanks, Yahoo, you bunch of yahoos.

The Amazing Randi on astrology:

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