Tuesday, January 6, 2009

The Flash- The Fastest Man Alive, or the Biggest Hypocrite?

He's both! At least, the "Police Scientist" Barry Allen version. Check these incriminating panels:

The Flash issue 280 page 3

Catch that? It might be too subtle for most readers, but I spotted the hypocrisy immediately. The Flash, a policeman, is not arresting those men for carrying unregistered firearms! That, and he's a costumed vigilante telling the hoi polloi not to act as vigilantes. Hypocrite!

The Flash issue 281 page 6

Here the Flash, the fastest man alive, rushes one of his policeman buddies to the emergency room. After noting that his friend's injuries are not life-threatening, he insists that the doctors move his friend to the head of the line, ahead of all the starving children without medical insurance, for whom the emergency room is the only real medical care they receive. Sorry about that last sentence, it was a bit awkward, but I don't mind telling you that the breathtaking hypocrisy in this panel makes me almost totally insensible. Hypocrite!

The Flash issue 282 page 5

Barry "Flash" Allen's "beloved" wife Iris has been brutally and horrifically murdered. The Flash is attempting to discover who committed this heinous act when it suddenly occurs to him- a mere seven issues after his wife's death (in the classic Flash #275)- that he has a treadmill that allows him to harness his superspeed powers to travel through time! And what is his first thought? Maybe to travel back in time to just before the murder and prevent it? No, not at all! The hypocrite Barry "Flash" Allen would rather solve the mystery of who killed his wife than actually prevent the murder from occurring. Hypocrite!

The Flash issue 294 page 12

This one is kind of convoluted. A race of supersmart apes lives amongst the humans, even having representatives in New York, as members of the United Nations. Well, their leaders have decided that they don't like the humans' influence on them (disco dancing and television shows have left them slightly stupider than they were before they started associating with us- what an indictment of humanity!, by the way), so they have decided to create a device that will manipulate the minds of every single human being on earth, causing them to forget that the supersmart apes even exist! Flash is only reassured about this plan after one of the supersmart apes tells him that his, The Flash's, brain won't be altered in any way. Well okay then go ahead. So nothing can go wrong with this plan to manipulate the minds of everyone on earth, right? Except, as the last panel suggests, the evil Gorilla Grodd has escaped from his cell and is about to wreak havoc- and there just happens to be a machine that can manipulate the minds of everyone on earth! Well, at least The Flash is safe, right?

Say it with me: Hypocrite!

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