Monday, March 23, 2009

I Love Money 2 Continues to Impress

There are few things more wonderful in life than seeing someone whose best qualities are his obnoxiousness and loudness-- who thinks that everything is under his all-powerful control and he cannot be stopped-- tumble and fall like the douchebag he is.

This week on "I Love Money 2," viewers were treated to the sight of the loathsome, obnoxious, slightly moronic Frank the Entertainer being eliminated from the show he so desperately needed to win. To get out of his parents' basement.

It's so difficult, as a fan of the show, not to swell with pride. I can't imagine what Tailor Made, the Dwight Eisenhower of "I Love Money," went through while the episode was filming. The culmination of all his carefully-laid plans; how every piece fell so perfectly into place. In such a situation, when righteousness triumphs over buffoonery, can one not gloat?

The episode began with Frank the Entertainer believing he had the game under control, bragging about his ridiculous alliance, sure that absolutely nothing could go wrong for him. Yelling, asserting his illusive power like some sort of wild, stupid animal, so so certain that nothing could go wrong for him.

His fellow green team member and fellow alliance member Saaphyri was named captain of the green team, somewhere off screen apparently because I didn't catch it. Didn't matter- it was unimportant.

The important thing was, the oddly alluring Becky Buckwild made an enfeebled attempt at trying for the captaincy of the yellow team, only the swatted down, almost off-handedly, by Tailor Made, Ice, and Prancer. Tailor Made was the captain.

Take that Buckwild! Take that, Entertainer!

Sapphyri and TM are asked to disclose the names of the two team members they trust the most. TM of course selects Ice and Prancer, while Saaphyri selects- oh, I don't really remember. It doesn't matter.

The green team lost! In a challenge that seems eerily similar to the challenge that ended Frank's tenure on the previous season of I Love Money, the yellow team pulls it out, and someone from the green team- Frank's team- is going home.

Because there is no doubt that Frank will be the one going home, the fun of the episode is getting to that delightful moment.

Tailor Made and Myammee corner It, and convince him to join them in thwarting the green team's efforts to select three team members to put up for elimination.

I have not written about It yet, mainly because he's been little-seen thus far. He has managed to stay under the radar, avoiding overt alignment with either the Entertainer's or TM's alliances. The lovably dazed and confused young man, whose charmingly slurred speaking style has endeared him to anyone with a heart, has relied on his "good looks" (Saaphyri thinks he's hot, and enjoys cuddling with him in bed, but has a low opinion of his intellect) thus far, but TM assures him that it's time for him to take a stand. Will he be with TM, or the Entertainer? With the forces of good, or stupidness? Because if It is sent up for elimination, and he will be, that's for sure, then TM will send him home.


It is charming. It is in it for the money. It is barely verbal.

It doesn't want to go home.

It wants to work his magic on Saaphyri.

It speaks to Saaphyri.

It turns Saaphyri on Frank.


Saaphyri is smarter than Frank the Entertainer, but then, a gnat with a lobotomy is smarter than Frank the Entertainer.

Prior to entering the Vault, Frank the Entertainer attempts to get the others on the green team to vote for someone, anyone other than himself. But he. is. so. stupid. that he cannot bring himself to display any sort of cohesive "leadership" or "strategy."

If you don't watch the show, I have no words to adequately express this: Frank the Entertainer is missing something in his brains.

In the Vault, Saaphyri wastes no time. Within seconds of the start of deliberation, Saaphyri asks, "Who wants Frank in the box?"

Three hands raise. Frank is slowly, so slowly it's all the more sweet, coming to realize that he is not the raging intellect he believes he is. He is a jerk that's being played.

The green team is unable to decide on three to nominate for elimination, so TM gets to decide for them.

This could not be any better. TM selects Saaphyri, Frenchy (Angelique), and Frank. Frank, still filled with moronic hubris, cannot believe he's up for elimination. How could this have happened? he wonders. The fact that he can't understand the why is all the answer the viewer needs.

On the Power Outing, Frank decides to pour on the charm. Frank has no charm. He has no political skills. He tells TM that if he is not eliminated, he'll have TM's back. He'll join with TM's alliance. He says that Saaphyri is a "snake," and can't be trusted. (By the way, on this show, when a contestant calls another contestant a snake, it means he feels like he's being outsmarted by him. It's the ultimate compliment.) TM insists that he believes Frank is trustworthy, more trustworthy than Saaphyri, but I suspect it's all for show. TM is not stupid.

It was Frank. It was always Frank. It was always going to be Frank. From the moment this season began, it was going to be Frank. Tailor Made eliminated Frank the Entertainer. Light beat darkness. Good destroyed evil. Calmness crushed buffoonery. For one week, at least, everything is right with the world.


With Frank the Entertainer gone, Becky Buckwild thinks she has no one else to canoodle with. She has terrible taste in men. I think I might have a chance.

Frank, the ultimate loser, is sent home to his parents' basement. As Saaphyri said, How can you trust a 37 year old man who still lives in his parents' basement? You cannot. You should not. Frank is out.

His parting gift is a sloppy kiss from Becky Buckwild, proving that she had odd taste all the way to the end.

Next week, the teams are dissolved and it's everyone for himself. I am tingling.


Frank, now that it's over, any regrets?

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