I would appreciate it if you would print this out, sign it, and then fax it to all my potential employers. Thanks a lot!
To whom it may concern,
I am writing this letter with a heavy heart. Heavy because it is about Ricky Sprague, and he is attempting to find employment with you. Why is my heart heavy? Because he is awesome in every way, and I want to keep him all for myself.
Let me tell you a thing or two about him. First of all, do not believe everything you see on the internet. The word that I would use to describe him is "gifted," and also "special." I realize that ordinarily those terms are euphemisms used to describe people who are challenged in some way. Well, the only way that Ricky is "challenged" is when he "challenges" himself, which is every day, because he is so gifted and special.
I have been in a unique and privileged position to witness his growth as an individual. This growth has been exponential, and it's been abundant. Not only in his current field of study, but in all others. The word "autodidact" comes to mind. That is the word I would use to describe him. I realize I used two other words to describe him in the previous paragraph, but the fact is that he is so unique that one word is not enough to describe him. I just realized that I used "unique" to describe him in the previous sentence, and that is definitely another word I would use to describe him.
With great confidence I recommend that you hire Ricky to do your research, or teach your students, or clean your oil traps, or whatever it is that his febrile mind is pursuing. I can unequivocally recommend him for any job whatsoever, even brain worm removal, if that's what you need. He hasn't been specifically trained in that field, but if you give him a couple of weeks and some decent training, he can pick it up.
He can pick up anything. And he will, too. It's what he does. That is why I am so anxious to offer this recommendation.
[YOUR NAME AND SIGNATURE HERE]