The reunion is necessary for those of us who are going through painful withdrawals. Even now, there's still a part of me that fully expects to see another episode of "I Love Money" tomorrow. A brand new episode with Tailor Made, It, Saaphyri, Prancer, and of course Myammee. Instead, there's just--
--well, there's today's reunion show. And after that, it's time to grow up, be a man and stop pining away for a television show. Even if it is the greatest show of all time.
As the program opens I'm wondering, Who does Craig's wardrobe? His faux leather Road Warrior coat isn't exactly flattering. Still, it would take a lot to make him look bad, and somehow he pulls it off.
First, the contestants are introduced. Not everyone made it to the reunion- noticeably absent are Saaphyri, who is apparently in prison, and the first woman who was eliminated, whose name escapes me at the moment but whose elimination was particularly memorable owing to the fact that she came across as slightly less intelligent than It.
Tamara was the first to leave. Sorry I couldn't remember her name, but her meltdown was pretty memorable.
And even some who have deigned to return don't look quite the same. Prancer's hair is darker and her breasts larger, and of course Becky Buckwild looks more like her publicity photos- oh wow.
Angelique shames everyone by speaking perfect French when Craig brings her on stage. This is something to keep in mind- the producers had a lot of fun with "Frenchy's" accent, but she actually has quite a firm grasp of the English language. Her English is certainly better (bettair) than my French or Spanish. She was also physically strong and a good strategizer. So her accent is thick? So she's a stripper? So she makes porn? Those are all good qualities as far as I'm concerned. Think of how much joy she brings people, just by taking off her clothes.
Her assertion that everyone but Saaphyri and Myammee were snakes and cheaters doesn't quite jibe with what we saw on the show, but what can you do?
Prancer makes a good point about "karma." Generally when people start talking about karma I just kind of zone out- it doesn't exist and it's immeasurable and inscrutable if it does. Angelique's assertions that she has good karma that will take out your negative karma is fine for her, I guess, but when Prancer gets into she asks her if karma had anything to do with Angelique's interesting plastic surgery look (Wanda from "In Living Color").
No, Angelique does not look like Wanda from In Living Color.
Angelique spent $10K on her breast enhancement? Also, Angelique repeats the idea that Prancer looks like a turtle (Becky Buckwild leveled the same accusation at her in a previous episode). I just don't see it.
Angelique spent $10K on those breasts, and TMZ puts stars over them? Some very, very dirty pictures of Angelique can be found here. You can watch an interview in which she discusses doing porn here.
One feels bad for Angelique, considering she couldn't use her "vibro." Craig gives Angelique a chance to hit on 20 Pack one last time, but Angelique explains she's over him, and has a boyfriend in Vegas. Good for her. I have no idea who her "boyfriend" is, but I guarantee he's a better catch than 20 Pack. For his part, 20 Pack claims to have a crush on Brittanya from Rock of Love Bus. This is a clear and bald-faced attempt to get his own show with her. No one's buying it (I hope).
Affairs of the heart can be messy. Leilene knows this now. You can see her nude here.
The almost tragic Leilene is up next. She was unable to control her emotions- seeming to fall in love with everyone. As Saaphyri said, "This is I Love Money, not I Love Love." But she looks hot, in nothing but a long t-shirt.
Wait- Leilene's boyfriend in the UK dumped her because he found out she was on a reality show? Wow- what a capital-L Loser. I demand that all my romantic partners at least try out for reality shows.
Heat has Backstreet Boys on his iPod. Leilene likes that. (Leilene, I have Richard Thomspon signing a Britney Spears song on my iPod- will that do?) There follow some Heat highlights- too few. He's almost a genius, able to create his own words like "betrayded" and "vindiction." And put away copious amounts of alcohol. But again, it's impossible to ignore the fact that he was eliminated by Frank the Entertainer. One loses any claims for "mental" with that.
Leilene is genuine, but she's got to "capture her soul," as the eloquent Heat puts it. Very strong mentals. Craig ruins an otherwise touching moment by telling her that she's not found love with Buddha and Heat, but she has found two friends and mentors. Yes, Heat and Buddha are "mentors." One of my favorite of Craig's qualities is his dry wit, but this might have been a little too mean for my taste.
The irritating mental slug Frank the Entertainer takes the stage. Frank and Heat sitting there in their chairs have three IQ digits between them. Heat says he's not vindictive about Frank's eliminating him, which is only further proof of his low intelligence. Frank says "I had to do what I had to do," regarding his elimination of Heat, but that's a lie. Frank didn't have to eliminate Heat at all- he could have eliminated Becky Buckwild and had 20 Pack and Heat working for him. Of course I'm glad he didn't eliminate Becky.
I didn't want to post any more pics of that walking irritant Frank the Entertainer, or of the questionable Heat, so here's a picture of I Love Money 1's Megan and Brandi C making out. Nude pics of Megan can be found here. Links to Brandi C's nude pics and porn can be found here.
Frank might stay in his parents' basement forever. He thinks it's time for him to shine, with a new show set in his parents' basement. Heat makes an impassioned pitch for his own show, featuring women of all races and colors, and his mother. His mother will beat the women, apparently. As much as it pains me to admit this, I would watch at least one episode of a program featuring Heat, with Heat's wheelchair-bound mother beating on a rainbow of lovely women. I might actually pay $19.95 to watch it on pay-per-view.
It. Craig says "you either love him, or you love him." Truer words rarely spoken. It apparently gets lost on his way to the stage. It drank during the challenges. Uses the liquor to calm his nerves to get "focused." His strategy was to lose challenges, and he ended up losing the whole things. "The smartest loser," as Craig dubs him.
Ice says "he's a dumbass." It claims to like to be looked upon as a dumbass, because he's very strategic and analystic. He proves how analystic he is by dancing. Ice is impressed. Ice confides he has a disability, retinitis pigmentosa. Moreover, he opens up about his relationship with Saaphyri. She was the only one who gave him "play." "When we far away from home, we need some sexual attention," he says. "She mad cool though, but she not here right now..." Now would be the time to tell us what happened to Saaphyri, instead, we discover that it has been calling Cali almost every day. Those two deserve each other.
Next up is the Dwight Eisenhower of I Love Money, Tailor Made. He is a real genius. How does he feel about how he played the game? Tailor Made feels he played with integrity, and he did. He looked for people who were "oppressed." Becky Buckwild says, "Everyone you don't remember is in your alliance." Becky's an asshole sometimes. Tailor Made is clever and articulate, with undeniably higher mentals than anyone else on the show- including Craig, probably.
Would you vote for this man for city council? Well, it depends on the city, and it depends on the council.
Tailor Made and It hang out in the 'hood. They just happen to have some footage of themselves hanging out together- with It giving Tailor Made some tips on life in the projects. I sincerely hope that VH1 is watching this. A show with It and Tailor Made. They announce that they're running for city council. Oh my gosh this is the greatest news in history. They coincide really good.
It displays rare eloquence in solving the crisis in the Middle East: "The Jews is throwing stones at the Muslims...they both different but they got a lot in common like they don't eat pork, they wear beards...so they're from both walks of life."
I hope hope hope that they're listening to this man's words. Do they get VH1 in the Gaza Strip?
What about It? Would you vote for It? Would he wear a cape at his campaign stops? Would he use his "black power" to solve our problems?
How much persuading will VH1 need to give these two their own tv show? Come on. Give them their show, dammit.
Next up, winner Myammee. She comes out in lingerie, reminding us why we're glad she won. Oh wow. Why did she wear lingerie? She says she lost one of her bags in transit, and almost all she had was lingerie. It's that ability to "roll with the punches" and "play the hand she was dealt" that got her to the end. Myammee again, graciously, expresses her gratitude to Tailor Made. Tailor Made expresses his happiness that Myammee won.
Myammee's plans for the money: Church, family, student loans, business loans. She's apparently going to start a hair care company or hair styling salon, or something. That's her true calling.
Myammee, some advice: Keep modeling. Lingerie. You're very good at it.
No one had a chance against Myammee. One almost feels sorry for the other contestants.
Tamara pic source.
Leilene pic source.
Angelique topless pic source.
Wanda pic source.
Brandi C and Megan kissing pic source.
Tailor Made pic source.
It pic source.
Myammee etc pic source.