Monday, June 22, 2009

EXCLUSIVE! Jon & Kate Plus 8 Announcement: Kate is NOT the Mother of Jon's 8 Children!

This is a shocker! Kate Gosselin is NOT the mother of Jon Gosselin's children! The stars of "Jon & Kate Plus 8" have been living a lie, but my sources tell me that Kate only recently became aware of the situation, and is devastated!

"It is devastating to me to learn that I am NOT the mother of these eight wonderful children," my source quotes Kate Gosselin as confiding.

Apparently, Kate learned that she was not the childrens' mother last summer, but has tried to stay with Jon for the sake of the children.

"It's a lie, and Kate is full of integrity. She could not continue living this way."

The news was especially devastating to Kate, who only recently learned all of the childrens' names.

This is a breaking story, check back here for updates.

Their happiness was a lie. The children are not Kate's. Jon gets everything.

Pic source.


shampoo said...

years from now... who can say what the internet will be? but when these children see this quaint and arcachic page made with blog tools two or three years old... they will know HOPE.

they will run to their degenerate and simpleton father (sorry kids, he married her). "father!" they will cry as one. he will not, of course, respond until they call him by his pet name "f--ktard" (children of the future curse, especially when hopped up on adderall and hope).
then they will Ask "who is our mother if not the hateful shrew we all hate so much for she demeans us constantly as you were too chickensh-t (future, sorry) to stop f--king (future) her after the first time when she beat you unconscious for your lack of skill?"

unfortunately after he sobers up and figures out what they're saying to him, all hope will be lost. but still. oops, sorry kids.

Ricky Sprague said...

I think I read somewhere that Kate wants to continue with the show, and Jon wants out.

My question is, If Jon leaves the show and Kate remains, who will she metaphorically castrate during the "interview" segments?

"I just got another offer from Jon's lawyer. Can you believe he wants HALF? I was the one who got us this show- he was just the sperm donor." (rolls eyes) "Of course, I love my kids."

shampoo said...

I have barely watched this show yet kate's uberbitchiness came through. also, I find her disgusting. she has LITTERS.

now, if a woman just so happens to have more than one child per birth, I have no issue with that. it's the excessive and calculated breeding I find distasteful.

jon disgusts me as much as kate. he knew what she was but he kept getting her pregnant. now he is going to leave those poor kids alone with her!

I feel bad for the kids. I read a blind item that some couple is dragging out their divorce for two years due to desire for profit. hm. wonder who.

please don't think any of the hostile tone is for you or anyone except jon and kate. neither of them should pass along any more of their dna. may God and their children forgive them.

A.Jaye said...

Hey Robot guy

I'm accusing you of dragging the names of reality simpletons onto a respectable blog in order to induce hits. Whatever next? Paid advertising?

Did it work by the way?

Ricky Sprague said...

You got me, A.Jaye.

In fairness to me, there was no "Charm School" this week (I think VH1 decided not to run it because of Jon & Kate's big "announcement"), so I just had to write about something. I guess I could have written something about Brooklyn.

It didn't work as well as I would have liked.

A.Jaye said...

I know nothing of this Kate and Jon baby sellers. That's one part of America that doesn't get shown over here. Or maybe it does on the HRT or the Hot Flushes channels. My subscription only goes so far.

Of course whatever the Americans can do we can do too. With chav effect and lousy accents.

Jordan and Peter Andre all over the tabloid front pages this morning. They're splitting up. She's been slagging him off on twitter.

Jordan. Twitter. That's it. Iran!

Watch my hits go through the glass screen. This blog is brought to you by...

david said...

Why would anybody say it that way, you can easily get your point across in a polite and courteous way. Lets all just get a long.
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