Thursday, July 30, 2009

Erin Andrews is Worse Than Britney Spears

In his great book of essays "Shock Value," filmmaker and public speaker John Waters offers the following observations on sports:

Whenever I hear a friend casually mention an interest in a sporting event, I immediately reconsider our friendship. After all, I argue, sports are responsible for lowering college academic standards and ruining holidays by dominating every family get-together with a loud and obnoxious "big game." All sports are contemptible. Basketball: freakish giants with midget IQs "dunking" balls in macrame baskets that are the exact height of the players. Football: fat hogs knocking each other down and huddling to tell secrets that no one in his right mind would care to repeat. Boxing: ugly, notoriously underprivileged men beating each other up without the thrill of breaking the law. And skiing: eager-beaver masochists in polyester outfits anxious to break a leg in the name of fitness.

To that I would add: Spoiled, rich assh*le owners who exploit the "players" and the citizens of the cities in which their teams are located.

I will always and forever resent the fact that my tax money goes to "subsidize" these stadium deals that are supposed to give cities "prestige" and encourage "economic development," all the while actually costing the cities money.

That is why I know so little of professional sports. Most of what I read about them comes from gossip web sites. For instance, there is one player, Reggie Bush, who plays the football ("the pigskin," American football, not to be confused English football, which is apparently what David Beckham plays), who recently either dumped or was dumped by the irritating Kim Kardashian. Either way, he is better off. Then, there is a player for the reprehensible Jerry Jones' Dallas Cowboys, Tony Romo. Apparently, he dumped the comically foolish Jessica Simpson the day before her birthday.

(Aside: Why is it so scandalous that Romo dumped her the day before her birthday? Setting someone free is one of the most wonderful gifts you can give someone. Especially if things just are not working out. And really, can you imagine anything ever working out with that woman?)

This brings me back to Erin Andrews. She is the sports "sideline reporter" who was surreptitiously filmed naked in her hotel room. Prior to this, she was known for her attractive physique and, I suppose, her "sideline reporting" skills, whatever that entails (does she "interview" players during games? does she provide important news commentary or reporting on the "plays" being "run"?).

Now, however, her primary notoriety is from that disturbing video. The filming of that was reprehensible. The posting of it online was just as bad, perhaps even worse. No one should have to deal with that.

And, on top of that, Andrews recently had "two assh*les sitting outside [her] house." That, according to her 911 call, which can be heard here. Erin Andrews, "sideline reporter" and object of sports fanboy fantasies has to deal with the papparazi, just like Kim Kardashian, Jessica Simpson, and Jon & Kate Gosselin. To that end, when she saw some strange men sitting outside her house, she called 911:

EA: "I'm all over the news right now"

Operator: "I'm not familiar. Why are you all over the news?"

This Operator is to be commended for not knowing who Erin Andrews is. Wouldn't it be nice if I could say the same thing?

Later in the call, she laments:

EA: "I did nothing wrong, and I'm being treated like f*cking Britney Spears."

Not Britney Spears.

Still not Britney Spears.

Nope, still not Britney Spears.

Here is where Erin Andrews loses me. In reference to being filmed in her hotel room without her knowledge, yes, she "did nothing wrong." But I think that title "sideline reporter" has gone to her head. She must think she's a "journalist." No, she is not. She is a sideline reporter. For sports.

"Sports" is not news. "Sports" consist of two private businesses competing against one another inside a stadium, in front of a crowd of gullible rowdies. "Sports reporting" is nothing more than commercials for those private businesses. ESPN is a network devoted to stories about businesses, that control access to their employees ("the players," "the coaches") and their product ("the games"). Erin Andrews, you are an entertainer.

Erin Andrews, you are "f*cking Britney Spears."

Actually, come to think of it, you're worse. You're a cheerleader for crooked businesses that cost taxpayers millions of dollars a year. You are part of a massive megaconglomerate (ESPN/Disney) that promotes other conglomerates (teams). Yes, so was Britney Spears. But at least she recorded "Oops, I Did it Again."

Have you ever done anything so entertaining, Erin Andrews?

The great Richard Thompson performing what is probably the only listenable song Britney Spears ever recorded, "Oops, I Did it Again."

First EA pic source.
Second EA pic source.
Third EA pic source.


shampoo said...

oh how i'd love to see john waters sideline reporting. it would have to be at a particularly exciting event like the stanley cup playoffs so he could critique celebrities' outfits and the hors d'oeuvres being served in the v.I.p. section.

Anonymous said...

All erin andrews videos now is available here
she is star now :)

Ricky Sprague said...

Shampoo, I would actually watch a sporting event if John Waters were providing commentary. I have a hard time imagining he would do it, though. Maybe some enterprising entertainment program or channel will invite Mr. Waters to work the red carpet at an awards show or something. Or give him his own talk show.

Lupy: Thanks for validating the success of my blog.

shampoo said...

can you imagine what he'd make of the symbolism of some of the plays? haha but his eye would stray to the ice only occasionally. he would never do it, but he'd be awesome.

A.Jaye said...

Can you imagine a woman who doesn't like make up? That's a dude who doesn't like sports.

Hate Beckham. Love football.

Generic Viagra Blog said...

I don't know if she is worst or not, but I think she is trying to imitate Britney, and honestly that's totally pathetic.

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I like so much sports and games actually ESPN is one of the best channels but what I like the most is their beautiful reporter that's why I watch that program everyday.

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You are right, Erin Andrews haves no brain at all, she is the essence of what a white trash is.