Sunday, July 26, 2009

Jane Austen's "Daisy of Love" Chapter 11


Daisy’s spirits- having been subjected alternately to fear, trepidation, anxiety, and vexation, now rose to playfulness, as she embraced tenderly her chosen one. She engaged him to provide a full accounting of his falling in love with her. “Surely it is unreasonable,” she said, charmingly, “that we should have found so strong a connection under these circumstances.”

“Indeed,” replied her chosen gentleman. “But that first day, when I saw you dancing and singing with your backing dancers, a firm foundation of affection was established.”

“But was it merely my talent that attracted you?” Daisy inquired. “I know that my musical skills are quite wonderful, and of course my physical beauty is the stuff of hymns itself. But were those my only attractive qualities?”

“Those, and more,” he said.

“Is it my flightiness? Is it my uncanny ability to put out of my mind any care for the feelings of others? Is it my self-possession? My regard solely for my own approbation? Is it my singular sensibility? Is it my rocker-chick attitude? You simply must tell me what it is that your find the most remarkable about me, my chosen gentleman!” Daisy’s eyes sparkled in the Hawaiian moonlight.

“It was all of those things, Daisy,” was her chosen gentleman’s reply. “All of those things, coupled with my own desire to remove myself from the pursuit of civility, deference, and affection. Having reached such a point in my life, my dearest, you were the epitome of my perfect mate.”

12 Pack with Heather on "I Love Money." He has really taken a tumble.

Daisy had journeyed to Maui with her three remaining gentleman suitors, Flex, 12 Pack, and London. These three having endured the arduous and emotionally trying journey to uppermost regard in Daisy’s estimation. Despite the camaraderie that the three gentlemen shared, there was still some lingering resentment toward London; for, although he had drunk Tabasco sauce only a few days before, 12 Pack and Flex were still angered at his leaving Daisy’s estate after only a few days; only to return to her after a period of some weeks.

“If London wins her heart,” Flex confided to himself, “I shall feel most aggrieved.”

The gentlemen having packed their bags in anticipation of their trip to the exotic island, awaited Daisy’s arrival at the foot of the stairs. With charming glee she sent her bag down the steps, and then followed behind it. As she reached the marble floor below, she tripped over her own ego, and sprawled on the cold floor, laughing.

The gentlemen, being gentlemen, joined her revelry. All were most excited about the trip on which they were to embark.

“Are you gentlemen ready to go to Maui?” Daisy inquired, after dusting herself off.

The gentlemen were ready.

“Let’s go,” Daisy announced, as if she were fully in charge.

An aerial carriage was engaged, and the four passed an idle few hours in the journey. This time spent in the air merely served to double the sense of anticipation. Their trip would be one of leisure and comfort, and most conducive for the romantic engagement of which they were contractually obligated.

Contractually obligated by the felicities of the heart, of course. For this was a journey of a most romantic sort. And the three remaining gentlemen were there for all the right reasons.

“There is plenty of room for you in the trunk, London,” 12 Pack remarked, as they were placing their bags upon the horseless carriage.

London went away for awhile, then returned with renewed vigor, and pointed his nicotine-stained love finger straight at Daisy's heart.

“Oh, how they do chide one another,” Daisy thought, remarkably. Then added, to herself, “I have never been to Maui before- and I am most excited by the prospect of sharing this adventure with three gentlemen who would happily spend time with so charming a one as me anywhere on earth.”

They were greeted at the lodging place by Mr. Rachtman. Daisy’s faithful manservant had made the perilous journey on the same aerial transport, but had retrieved his bag several hours before Daisy et al (owing to the fact that Mr. Rachtman had not gotten lost in the airport), and therefore gotten to the lodging place early enough to hire native dancing women and drummers.

“Aloha, gentlemen,” Mr. Rachtman announced, employing the native language of the island.

The gentleman split their attention between Mr Rachtman, and the festive drinks they held in their hands.

The gentlemen were shown to their quarters, while Mr. Rachtman took Daisy to hers.

The gentlemen’s quarters contained a room in which was located two small bunks. Each of the three attempted to claim one of them- but it was Flex and 12 Pack who asserted their authority over London. Disheartened, London proceeded to explore the rest of the room, and was rewarded for his natural curiosity by the discovery of another bedroom, in which was located a full, adult-sized bed.

“I am calling this one!” London declared, in reference to the bed in question.

London: "I left once. Would it be poor form to leave again?"

“No, I like this one,” 12 Pack asserted.

12 Pack and Flex then proceeded, in the style of gentlemanly hazing, to wipe their horse-dirt covered boots upon the pillows, and to urinate upon the sheets.

“We are breaking in your bed, as a favor to you,” Flex told him.

“Thank you, gentlemen,” London said, with equal good-nature. “I sleep on a filthy couch, anyway,” he explained. “Please, feel free to rub the sheets upon your scrotum, Flex.”

It was at this point that Mr. Rachtman made his entrance.

“Already have you wrought devastation upon this room!” he declared.

“Oh, no,” 12 Pack said. “We were merely having some good-natured fun.”

12 Pack discusses "Daisy of Love" strategy with Heather and Frank the Entertainer. No wonder he did so well.

Mr. Rachtman’s tone became serious. “Gentlemen, I have something serious to impart. Daisy has written for each of you a letter, with a special, personalized message, full of importance. These letters are so important, and so personal, that Daisy wants you to read them aloud to one another.”

To Flex was the first such letter handed. He read,


I have never dated a gentleman like you. At first our romance was sort of not that great, but it has grown like crazy. I am falling for you, but I have some concerns about your youth and immaturity, for you are less wise and mature than I.

MOST Sincerely YRS and Affectionately,

To 12 Pack went the second letter:

My MOST DEAR and etc 12 PACK,

You are so confident! But sometimes you are too cool for me.

YRS with great affection,

And to London was the third addressed:


I fear you will-

London had to stop reading for a moment. “My letter is tear-stained,” he complained. “I cannot read this word- is it ‘run away’? or ‘fun a day’?”

12 Pack offered his help and encouragement. “It says ‘run away,’ you runaway,” he said.

London continued reading,

I fear you will run away, if we get together. You will leave me heartbroken. It could be amazing, but-

“What is this word?”

London's letter was seven pages long; it is not the purpose of this narrative to recount it in its entirety.

YRS sincerely,

“Be on the beach in 45 minutes,” Mr. Rachtman said.

On the beach, the gentlemen went paddle boarding with Daisy. Naturally, Flex was the first in the water, and Daisy admired his willingness to try anything, as he swam out into waters that were full of serpents and large fish that had yet to be discovered by naturalists.

12 Pack and London were not long in joining him. Each of the gentlemen endeavored to impress her with their falling down in the water; all the while Daisy, who’d been given a lesson prior to the gentlemens’ arrival, stood upright on the paddle board and paddled to the Orient and back.

Unfortunately, upon her return, she announced that there would be a serious dinner that night. Two hours later, Daisy was carried on the shoulders of native Hawaiians, and joined the gentlemen at the table.

They watched as the Hawaiians chopped coconuts, and danced native skirt dances, as is the wont of the peoples of the island.

The revelry passed, the time came for serious discussion. London was the first to offer his sincerest thoughts.

“Daisy, I have thought much of the heartfelt letter that you wrote. Having finished reading it after three hours, I came to realize that the reason I left before was that I was afraid. My vulnerability is both frustrating, and charming, I am sure. I am trying to remove the ‘frustrating’ aspects of it, while retaining the ‘charming.’”

Daisy nodded knowingly. “I, too, am charming,” she said.

“I left because of my feelings for you.” He then borrowed a line from a film he’d seen, many years ago: “You make me want to be a better person,” he concluded.

“What a heartfelt answer,” Flex said, unimpressed.

“I make mistakes,” London said.

“All you do is make mistakes,” Flex said. “You are 30 years old!”

“Why do you have to attack London?” Daisy asked.

“I fear I must point out his foibles,” Flex said, “for I fear that you might miss them if I do not.”

Daisy nodded. “That has nothing to do with us,” she said.

12 Pack, sitting back in his seat, observed with satisfaction as his rivals undercut one another. “Daisy,” he began, “when you said in your heartfelt letter that you wondered about my affection for you, I was most curious.”

“You say that you like me,” Daisy said. “And we certainly have shared some wonderfully tender kisses, in our undergarments. However, I need a gentleman to be more demonstrative in his declarations of obvious affections.”

“I would rather not share that with you before the other gentlemen,” 12 Pack said.

“I could name a million things about you that I admire,” Flex said. He then proceeded to name Daisy’s worst qualities, and proclaimed them to be assets.

Daisy smiled and nodded knowingly. “Our relationship would be most healthy,” Daisy thought.

Flex in a shirtless, contemplative moment. "Do I really want true love?"

12 Pack, thus inspired, was moved to finally reveal his true feelings for her. “Daisy, I am falling so in love with you,” he declared, his voice thick with emotion.

For his trouble, he earned from his beloved a tender kiss.

“Tomorrow, I shall make a most important decision,” Daisy said. “One of you shall be going home.”

Daisy de la Hoya- the final prize.

The next day were the gentlemen’s hearts heavy, as they applied their makeup and styled their hair. So heavy were their hearts that the gentlemen compared their feelings of unease to that of being sent to a gas chamber. Clearly had their perspective been skewed, and all for their deep and abiding affections for the lovely Daisy.

The gentlemen were taken by horseless carriage to the aerial transport livery. The three stood before their beloved, fearful and sad. The sound of their own hearts were so loud that they nearly drowned out the sounds of the aerial transport vehicles, which in turn drowned out the sounds of Daisy’s words, as she declared that London would not be leaving.

Luckily, neither Flex nor 12 Pack was surprised by this turn.

Next, Daisy called up 12 Pack, and sent him home.

Disappointment filled his heart. “There is no ‘good’ in ‘goodbye,’” 12 Pack said, walking away.

Flex took his beloved in his arms and offered her reassurance. “You made the right choice,” he said.

12 Pack stood there, miserably considering his past experiences on televised reality competitions. Disappointment after disappointment. He’d lost the affections of his beloved New York, then missed out on the chance for a fortune in Mexico; but this was the most stinging rejection of all.

He watched as Daisy and Flex retired to a rotary aerial transport vehicle, so as to embark upon their own special solo date. As his heart sank, he watched 12 Pack and Daisy rise up into the air, squealing with delight.

“Every time I tell a lady I am falling for her, she leaves me alone in a parking lot,” 12 Pack lamented. “I don’t know if I will ever again reveal so much about myself to any lady.”

12 Pack with Megan Hauserman. "Hey, Megan- I know you've got a show coming up...Can I be on that one, too?"

Surprisingly, Daisy spared one thought for 12 Pack, as she and Flex soared into the heavens. “I hate being a heartbreaker,” she thought. “But, then, that was the entire point of this exercise.”

Daisy and Flex soared over island, above the treetops and waterfalls. She held his arm, and kissed him tenderly.

That night, at dinner, Flex revealed that he felt a great deal of affection for her. “I have so much affection for you, it’s ridiculous,” he confided. “Every time I touch you, I feel your skin. I am falling in love with you.”

“Part of me feels the same way,” Daisy said.

“That’s all I need to hear,” Flex said, having heard her say that she was falling in love with him, as well. At least, part of her was.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Flex just looks like one of those guys who could have any woman he wanted. So why does he want Daisy?

They shared a tender kiss, then retired to her lodging room, where rose petals decorated the floor and bed. More tender kisses were exchanged, each with increasing ardor and affection.

London, composing for Daisy a song of love, found himself unable to sleep, in anticipation of Flex’s return.

When Flex did not return, London naturally contacted the lodging’s security team, to inquire as to Flex’s whereabouts. “Perhaps it was that he got lost between the dinner table, and our room,” he wondered.

“He retired to the lady de la Hoya’s lodgings,” was the reply.

London channeled his tempestuous feelings into his musical efforts.

“Daisy, Daisy, you’re driving me crazy,” he sang.

The next morning, Flex knocked upon the room’s door. “I left my keys in Daisy’s room,” he told London, as he opened the door.

“Congratulations,” London said.

Daisy and London were taken by horseless carriage to a horse ranch, where they engaged in the gentlemanly and ladylike activity of horseback riding.

“I had no idea that animals could be so unpredictable, as to defecate and produce such foul odors,” Daisy declared. “I expected there to be more romance, around the horses.”

“Perhaps we should away to a more intimate surrounding,” London offered.

They returned to Daisy’s lodgings.

As they exchanged tender kisses, London inquired, “Would you like to hear the song I promised you, back during our first challenge?”

“I would be most flattered and moved to hear your song.”

“Because, this song is from the heart, and is most real to me, in an emotional way,” London said.

“Please, play for me!”

London sang with such emotion and feeling that Daisy found it difficult to clearly understand all the words. But she understood the feeling behind the words.

London from Daisy of Love Pictures, Images and Photos
London is a for-real rock and roll musician. He steals his lyrics from Daisy's myspace page and sleeps on couches. Also, he takes cool photos.

“I am afraid of you,” Daisy confided. She then made the statement she’d been practicing before her mirror: “Sometimes I think you could be everything I’ve been looking for, but nothing that I’ll ever have.”

London left the room, worried. Daisy sent him away, crying. “I hate this,” Daisy thought. She stared plaintively out over the balcony. Finally, she sought the wise counsel of her faithful friend and servant Mr. Rachtman.

“Love doesn’t come without risk,” he observed, with an astuteness of attitude that Daisy had come to rely upon.

“London is the biggest risk,” he continued. “For he is the gentleman most like those you have had romantic feelings for in the past. And here you sit, still feeling great sadness, after having spent a day with him in such an exotic location. Such circumstances should bring tears of joy to your visage, not tears of sorrow.”

Mr. Rachtman, having just given his sage advice, took his leave.

That night did the gentlemen take the long horseless carriage ride to the beach setting, where their beloved Daisy arrived in a short dress that tastefully showed off her most ladylike qualities.

Mr. Rachtman offered a few words of encouragement to her, then took his leave.

“It’s down to two gentlemen,” Daisy observed. “Flex- you are so much more than just a beautiful specimen. You are everything that I should want.”

“London, I almost kicked you out of my estate on the first night. But I kept you, only to have you break my heart. You are selfish, egotistical, emotionally damaged, capricious, silly, frivolous, foolhardy, casually cruel, suffer an overabundance of sentiment, and you spend entirely too much time on hygiene. In short, I believe the reason I am so drawn to you is that you remind me of myself.”

Each gentleman heard statements from Daisy that gave them reason to believe they were to be chosen, and each gentlemen heard statements that made them believe they would be sent away.

“London is the one I want,” she said.

“Where do I go?” Flex thought. As he approached Daisy, he confided to her, “I understand. What you want is what you want.”

“I have to follow my heart,” Daisy agreed, in her most agreeable and charming way.

“I am much aggrieved, but I shall endure,” Flex continued, “for I know that you want what you want.”

As he took his leave, Flex thought about everything he’d done to ensure Daisy’s happiness and well-being. He worried over her future with London. And then he wondered how long it might take him to find another woman. It might take him awhile- perhaps as long as six hours.

After Daisy and London shared the conversation recounted at the beginning of this chapter, the two began planning their wedding, for it was obvious to both that they were fated to be together.

“You are my rock star,” each said to the other. Never before had two people ever meant those words more than did Daisy and her gentleman, London.


This is how I choose to remember London. Passed out drunk, with a concerned Flipper hovering over him, worried.

12 Pack with Heather pic source.
12 Pack with Megan pic source.
Heather 12 Pack Entertainer pic source.
Flex modeling pic source.
Prize Daisy pic source.
Shirtless Flex pic source.
London's love finger pic source.
London rocking and rolling pic source.
Contemplative London pic source.
London passed out drunk pic source.


Melissa said...

I'm so happy to see that true love still exists in the world. Who knew?

shampoo said...

maybe flipper and london stayed in touch. flipper could sleep on daisy's couch and hover worriedly over london whenever he passed out. how lovely would that be?

loved daisy's recounting of london (and her own) charms. hehe

Ricky Sprague said...

I'm kind of worried about London, especially after his comments about "on the reunion shows they always say they're going to take their time, and we're trying to figure how I can miss my flight and join Daisy in her room."

First of all, no DOL reunion show. Second of all, Daisy's already spent the night with Flex and 12 Pack. And NOW she's trying to figure out how to miss your flight so you can join her in her room?

Sorry, London.

shampoo said...

wait? are you trying to say daisy DID NOT sex up london? wha? did he pass out on her or something?

plus... I know daisy + london = lacking in brains. but surely no one needs to "figure out" how to miss a flight?

flex claims he didn't have sex with daisy. I guess they spent the night showing each other all of their favorite bible verses.

A.Jaye said...

So long Jane. It was a thirteen week sojourn. Bravo.

Megan or Real & Chance?

Ricky Sprague said...


asfin said...