Thursday, July 9, 2009

Prediction: Marion Barry Will Have His Own VH1 Reality Show by the End of the Year

The former mayor of Washington D.C. and current city councilman Marion Barry has been accused of stalking an ex-girlfriend. He was arrested for stalking, but that charge was dismissed. Now, however, it looks like there's going to be an investigation into (alleged) payment of public funds to his ex-girlfriend.

But that's all fairly typical of politicians, and boring.

What's going to get Mr. Barry his VH1 reality show is the voice mail messages he left the object of his interest. Here is one (transcript taken from here, where you can listen to the original message):

Donna this thing’s gotten outta hand. That’s too bad. I don’t want to continue talking to you about anything and I don’t want to press no charges, I don’t wanna do nothin.’ I just want to be left alone and so you oughtta do the same thing. Don’t call me. [unintelligible] care about you. Don’t call me. I won’t call you. I won’t do anything crazy. I won’t call your mother. I won’t call any friends of yours or mine. I won’t do nothin’. Donna, watch right now. I’m gonna be off the radar screen. You oughtta take me off your radar screen. And you go about caring about yourself and you go about workin’. Put this to bed. You know. I’m not gonna pursue any charges. I’m not gonna talk to you anymore. I’m not gonna try and help save your life. That’s all gone. So let’s do that. Call me and tell me that that’s it and you’ll never hear from me again and, you know, never call me again, for any reason. So that’s what we ought to do. Because it takes too much energy to do this. I hated what I had to do tonight. That’s worked on my soul, that it would come to that, and so I’ve decided, I prayed on it since I’ve been [unintelligible] about an hour and a half. That’s not what we ought to be about. There’s too much love and having a history. So call me back and tell me that it’s, all over, that you’re not gonna do anything. I’m not gonna do anything. I’m not gonna badger you. I ain’t gonna leave no messages on the phone. Not out of fear. I’m not fearful of what you may do or what you may say because that’s the way I am. But I call upon your humanity and I call upon my own humanity to drop this and let it go and be busy about what you gotta do. Let me be busy about what I gotta do and we not talk to each other again. That’s all. Call me and let me know that you accept that and I will not ever call you and you shouldn’t call me and then we be alright.

Be honest: Who hasn't left a "don't call me again, but call back me so we can settle this" voice mail/email/text message at one time or another? That's relatable. But Marion Barry did it BIGGER. That's what you want from a reality star- relatability, and bigness.

VH1 already has a show that features the reprehensible "Hulk Hogan" family. They had shows featuring Danny Bonaduce and Tom Sizemore, and they have a new season of "Celebrity Rehab" featuring Sizemore and the woman he was convicted of assaulting, Heidi Fleiss.

The concept could be something simple, like just following the councilman around as he engages in his everyday routine of doing the city's work, and picking up ladies on the side. Or, it could be an "of Love" competition show, where the councilman gets to pick from among 20 or so typically attractive VH1 reality contestants. Competitions for the women could include having them drive him to public speaking events (whoever doesn't crash the limousine gets special "one-on-one" time), dividing the contestants into teams to see which creates the best "campaign commercial," or taking the contestants (who are most likely going to be strippers and, therefore, a little uncouth) to a "manners bootcamp" so that they can learn how to behave at all of those fundraisers that Mr. Barry attends.

Be honest: You would watch this show. I would.

"The Mayor Of Love," "Barry Good Love," and "Making Marion" are just three of the possible titles for VH1's new Marion Barry reality show. And those are just off the top of my head.

Marion Barry pic source.


A.Jaye said...

Bonsomme hitmaker!

That's a show I'd recap but only if the mayor of crack-bridge was shot in full colour and not grainy CCTV.

Ricky Sprague said...

I think they should have some grainy CCTV footage, if only for stylistic purposes. They could set up hidden cameras in the clubs and fundraisers where Barry goes. Sort of like they did for Mystery's show "The Pick Up Artist."

I had another idea for a title: "The Mayor is a Player."