Monday, August 31, 2009

"Real Chance of Love 2" Episode 5: Stop Acting Like the Woman Who Cast You

Last week, 51Minds and/or VH1 had a real softball opportunity to clarify their position regarding Ryan Jenkins, and his casting on “Megan Wants a Millionaire.” How did a man who’d already been convicted of hitting a woman get through the rigorous screening process to be cast on an “of Love” show? What is that screening process, exactly? How does it work?

Instead, a woman from whom I would not buy a used car talked about her feelings, her total shock over how Ryan Jenkins (apparently) murdered his wife, and how his subsequent manhunt and suicide deeply affected her- the person who had (apparently) cast him on “Megan.”

Stuart Brazell’s appearance on “Larry King Live” was the most distasteful hour of television the people responsible for “Charm School” have ever been a part of.

It was as if VH1 and 51Minds were throwing down the gauntlet. Daring the viewers not to watch. And those who remain, those willing to actually sit through any more of their shows would obviously be the same viewers that Ms. Brazell herself criticized in that same Larry King “interview.” The viewers for whom VH1 and 51Minds seem to have such contempt.

Real and Chance are two of the more likable centers for these shows. They seem as sincere as anyone can seem, under the circumstances. It’s true they claim to believe in Bigfoot, and they engaged the services of a foot psychic last week, but in the first episode they expelled two physically attractive women for fighting.

They expelled two women for fighting, on the first episode. Of a VH1 reality show.

This week, however, the women vying for Real’s and Chance’s affections will be wrestling. That is their challenge.

It’s like Bizarro World. I expect to hear them say “Goodbye” when they enter a room. How Bizarro is it? In the first minute of today’s episode, Chance admonishes Blonde Baller and Junk, the two women he did not eliminate last week (and isn’t eliminating women the point? if you were Real, wouldn’t you feel cheated that you eliminated someone and Chance didn’t because he couldn’t make up his mind?), “Baller, Junk- you on some thin ice man, let’s keep it peaceful up in this sucker.”

VH1 reality shows have entered the Bizarro World. Don't believe me? Just keep this in mind: “Baller, Junk- you on some thin ice man, let’s keep it peaceful up in this sucker.”

This is the Chance who eliminated Vegas and Show Me on the first episode. But, you see, the women are going to wrestle on this episode. The women are going to wrestle.

It is not going to be mental wrestling. “Wrestling” in this case is not a metaphor. The women are going to get into a ring and fight each other.

“Baller, Junk- you on some thin ice man, let’s keep it peaceful up in this sucker.”

Blonde Baller’s best friend might have been shot last week. She got a call from a friend saying as much. Blonde Baller’s reaction to this news was… not what you would expect from someone who has just learned that her best friend has died. There were some tears, but her primary concern throughout the episode was in proving to everyone that she was “there for her man.”

Johnny Fairplay from "Survivor: Pearl Islands" and "Survivor: Micronesia" was a trailblazer among reality show contestants. Interestingly enough, following his first "Survivor" appearance, he got into professional wrestling.

In the last great season of “Survivor,” the infamous Johnny Fairplay instructed a friend to deliver to him the sad news of the death of his grandmother, in order to gain sympathy from his fellow contestants. In an interview, Fairplay disclosed to the viewer that his grandmother was most assuredly still breathing, and probably watching “The Jerry Springer Show” right that moment. It was a brilliant reality show moment, because it completely usurped our expectations of a reality show contestant’s behavior. It was a very clear example of just what a person would be willing to say in order to win $1 million. Would you tell your fellow contestants that a relative had passed away in order to gain their sympathy? I asked myself. A lot of people asked themselves the same question.

Fairplay’s reference to “The Jerry Springer Show” added an extra layer of PoMo self-awareness. In America, I think “The Jerry Springer Show” is the forerunner of the modern reality show, especially shows in which VH1 specializes. People willing to do or say anything, seemingly with little sense of shame, revealing about themselves intimate secrets for a chance at just a taste of infamy.

Think about it- would any of your favorite VH1 characters be out of place on an episode of “Springer”?

Jerry Springer, another reality show trailblazer. Would there have been a "Flavor of Love" without him?

In trying to keep it “110- like, not even 100” with Chance, Blonde Baller offers Chance the unlock code to her cell phone. Chance is impressed. That is something a “real person” would do.

But, Chance- would she put someone in a headlock for you? That’s the “real” question this week.

Junk doesn’t buy anything Blonde Baller is selling: “She’s just as fake as the eyelashes on her face, and the blonde in her damn head.”

Because “The Stallionaires need a really slamming chick who can hold her own and… really throw down,” Junk will have the opportunity to pull that blonde out of her damn head.

PS interviews: “This is my moment, this is when I’m gonna get to beat some ass.”

Junk is upset that she and Blonde Baller are on the same team, because she wants to beat Blonde Baller.

At Venice Beach, a ring has been set up for “Stallionaire Slam 2.” Just as Real and Chance like Bigfoot, so too do they enjoy professional wrestling. It’s one of their favorite sports. So they want to see the women wrestle for their affection.

The women, in three teams, will receive training from professional wrestlers. The first event is called “Playground Beatdown,” as Chance explains. You remember Chance- he’s the one at the beginning of the episode who told Junk and Blonde Baller,

“Baller, Junk- you on some thin ice man, let’s keep it peaceful up in this sucker.”

They are trying to get you not to watch. They are trying to make you turn away in disgust. If you do not, then you are Stuart Brazell’s kind of viewer. There is no other explanation for this.

A female professional wrestler whose name is (I believe) "Sexy Hollywood" will break it down for the "Playground Beatdown" team, and teach them how to whoop some butt. Again, Chance tells them this.

Next event is Generation Slam, and the third event is called Culture Clash 09. That for the more highbrow viewers.

The women are given some sexy gear and fifteen minutes to practice their wrestling personas and learn the script. So, you see, it’s all playacting. They’re not really fighting- there’s a script. It’s a set up! Like a play. A play with combat, for which fifteen minutes of training was offered. They need to stick to the script, because there’s nothing in the script about any real fighting. No real ass beatings- this is just for fun.

The Fabulous Moolah, arguably the greatest professional wrestler of all time, male or female. I suppose you could argue that professional wrestling was the original "reality television." It begat "Springer" (1991), which begat "The Real World" (1992), which begat "Survivor" (2000), which begat "The Surreal Life" (2003), which begat "Flavor of Love" (2006). But that's probably an entry for another time. This is really just a way to rationalize Real Chance's "wrestling" challenge.

Regarding the “Playground Beatdown,” Chance interviews, “They are physical man, these girls are crazy… they are breakin’ it, boy!”

“Baller, Junk- you on some thin ice man, let’s keep it peaceful up in this sucker.”

The women do throw each other around, and simulate their wrestling punches with genuine enthusiasm. Hot Wings leaps from a turnbuckle and lands on PS, who interviews that she is willing to get hurt “for her man.”

Real interviews that this shows her intentions are real and she’s there for him.

Oh, Real- weren’t Show Me’s intentions proven by her willingness to fight for you? Weren’t Vegas’s? Why did you send them home in the first episode, if you were going to have a wrestling challenge later? Think how much they could have shown you of their sincere intentions.

Show Me and Vegas show just how sincere were their intentions toward Real and Chance.

In Generation Slam, Junk gets her chance against Blonde Baller. Instead, she spends the match pretending to work out, for some reason. Both Real and Chance are disappointed. Chance interviews that he was waiting for Junk to “bust some moves.”

“Baller, Junk- you on some thin ice man, let’s keep it peaceful up in this sucker.”

Next is Culture Clash, and both Real and Chance are impressed.

Now with the show over, the announcer says, “Let’s bring out the girls who put their lives on the line for our entertainment.” Again, this has got to be a test. After everything that’s happened with VH1, 51Minds, with Ms. Brazell’s disastrous appearance on “Larry King Live,” no one thought to recut or edit this episode so as to make it less distasteful, because there is no way to make this less distasteful. “Stalloinaire Slam” is just inherently skeevy.

Chance says to Hot Wings: “Hot Wings we didn’t know you was that damn athletic. I mean, how you bended your back made me want to arch your back myself.”

Chance, who admonished Blonde Baller and Junk (do you remember that- at the beginning of the episode? if not, here’s a reminder: “Baller, Junk- you on some thin ice man, let’s keep it peaceful up in this sucker.”) not to fight, has just told Hot Wings that seeing her fight made him want to have sex with her. Chance is so hypocritical and lacking in self-awareness that he could get a job casting 51Minds shows.

Hot Wings: “This is my shining moment.”

But Real and Chance disagree, and it’s the “Culture Clash” team that wins. Hot Wings is a loser for the fourth time. Flirty, Pocahontas, Mamacita, and Sassy get dates with Real and Chance.

The date is what you expect, with the women trying to show that they’re really there for the men, for the right reasons, that their chemistry is there, and etc. There is much alcohol and laughter, and some eyegazing. Some tearful confessions of childhood troubles.

Then, Chance spends time insulting Mamacita’s family, and Mexico. Mamacita doesn't eat beef, but she does eat fish, which seems to mystify Chance. And then he goes to take a pee outside. Even Real is concerned by Chance’s boorish, (apparently) drunken behavior.

“Chance,” he says, “Stop acting like the woman who cast this show, and start acting like a decent human being.”

Not literally. But that was the gist. (And yes, according to this article, it looks like Stuart Brazell was one of the people who cast "Real Chance of Love 2." And here's how she assesses Real and Chance:

“Girls are looking for the guy they want to f*ck or the guy they want to marry,” Braznell [sic] says bluntly. “Chance is crazy, a total assh*le. He’s feisty. I love him. Real is down-to-earth, looking for true love and the mother of his children.”

Go back and compare her assessments of Real and Chance with her descriptions of Ryan Jenkins in the Larry King interview liked to above.)

Chance has passed out drunk, so Real offers Mamacita a shoulder to cry on. Mamacita interviews that she wishes that Chance was a little more like Real.

Back at the house, Hot Wings is packing her bags to go home. She’s done chasing. She’s not seeing the man she’s there to see. Somehow, Sassy talks a very sincerely hurting Hot Wings out of quitting the show.

Next day, Real and Chance take Sassy and Pocahontas to “The Chelsea Lately Show,” where they get to watch Real and Chance make a “hilarious” (according to Sassy) appearance. We don’t get to see enough of the interview to make a judgment. Chelsea Handler should have asked them how their show was cast.

Possible future "Charm School" host Chelsea Handler. A far better interviewer (it's not even close, actually) than Larry King.

Junk goes to Chance to tell him that she still thinks Blonde Baller is fake. Chance mutters something about wanting to know more about Junk’s “insides.”

Lady gets nervous during her one-on-one time with Real. Real is waiting for her to “spit it out, just tell me what’s going on with you.”

Mamacita is crying over Chance’s terrible date, and moreover upset that she didn’t get to meet one of her idols, Chelsea Handler. Real, a gentleman, pulls her aside and offers to console her. He doesn’t want her to leave, and he would like to get to know her himself. “I’m here for you,” Real tells her.

Would he take his brother’s woman?

Yes he would. “Sorry, bro,” he says to Chance, during the chain ceremony. But Chance has his own chain for Mamacita. Mamacita has to decide- Real or Chance?

Real, of course. She’s over Chance, after that date. That means Lady is going home.

Chance’s last chain was for Mamacita, so Junk, the last “Chance Girl,” is also sent home. Meanwhile, Real and Chance will fight over Mamacita. You will remember Mamacita, in a previous episode, gave Real and Chance pause when she "joked" that she was only there to be on TV. And Real said, "There's truth in every joke," or wise words to that effect.

Whatever her reasons, she's there now, and both Real and Chance want her. She has come in this way to represent the very fame she came to achieve- elusive, and pursued by both men.

Bizarro World code pic source.
Johnny Fairplay pic source.
Jerry Springer pic source.
Chelsea Handler pic source.
Fabulous Moolah pic source.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Project Runway 6 Episode 2: Poodle Bitch Misses the Handstand Woman

Poodle Bitch is happy to say she has her own blog which can be found here.

Poodle Bitch did not bother with discussing last week’s Project Runway “All Star” Edition- it seemed to merit little in the way of commentary. There was Santino, behaving like Santino, conducting himself in such as manner as to guarantee the most screen time while neglecting his clothes, which ended up being quite shoddy and sleazy looking. Although, Poodle Bitch does find his impressions of Tim Gunn to be funny. There was poor Chris, seeming to pass out every five minutes. There was Sweet P, whose designs have always confused Poodle Bitch and should not have been in the top four. There was Korto, who likely should have won, but for her sour attitude upon being announced the runner up. The winner, Daniel, seemed to win the prize based upon a single dress. As well made as it was, Poodle Bitch was appalled by his ridiculous extra challenge dress, which had the appearance of dynamite strapped to a suicide bomber’s stomach.

Poodle Bitch would have awarded the title to Chris, although she worries that the excitement of winning might have caused him to lose consciousness.

Much more interesting to Poodle Bitch, and surprisingly so, was “Models of the Runway.” Poodle Bitch waited until just two days ago to watch the first episode, as she falsely believed the models were little more than objects for the designers. Why not have a show about the fabrics the designers use, Poodle Bitch joked. Or, perhaps, their sewing machines? Instead, Poodle Bitch found herself intrigued by life in a model house, and with the concerns and fears of the women who have to strut down the runway in the sometimes silly things the designers concoct.

She was most especially made more sympathetic to the plight of Mitchell’s model. Poodle Bitch believes wholeheartedly that the nightgown man should have been eliminated last week, and getting the story of how his “design” was created from the model’s point of view only solidified her opinion. Poodle Bitch will continue to watch.

This week’s Project Runway opened with Mitchell, Poodle Bitch’s least favorite designer, joking about sending a naked woman down the runway. Nicolas added, “With a really beautiful collar,” but Poodle Bitch would have to disagree even with that. The collar was certainly not anything Poodle Bitch would wear, and if Poodle Bitch would not wear it, then it is not beautiful.

Poodle Bitch already misses the handstand woman.

For their challenge, the designers had to create a dress for the pregnant actress Rebecca Romijn. This fabulously wealthy and famous woman lamented the fact that she was having a difficult time finding fashionable clothing to fit a pregnant woman’s body. So the designers will give her something that is “pregnancy chic,” for any event.

Logan from Seattle endears himself to Poodle Bitch by admitting that “babies kind of scare me.” As they do Poodle Bitch.

But he is still standing in the shadows, as are all the designers, of poodle companion Irina. As she puts it, “there shouldn’t be such a gap between maternity clothes, and regular clothes.” Poodle Bitch finds it difficult to argue with this point. Irina is both tasteful and practical.

Poodle Bitch is happy to note that, now that the handstanding woman has left the show, it is the androgyne Malvin who has taken up her mantle of strangeness, endeavoring to design a dress inspired by eggs and bird nests. “Basically, this look is called ‘the Mother Hen.’”

Poodle Bitch is happy that he chose not to call it “the Mother Poodle.”

Mitchell verbalizes exactly why he should have been eliminated last week when, much to Poodle Bitch’s disgust, he interviews that he is “not looking to go out on a limb,” and is not looking to win the challenge, but to play it safe. Poodle Bitch now hopes that the Mother Hen stomps on him. He might look like the actor who plays "Dexter," but that does not excuse his attitude.

Tim’s advice to Louise the Vintage Girl during the walkthrough is some of Poodle Bitch’s favorite ever: “If your viscera says ‘uh-oh,’ it’s probably true.”

Yes, listen to your viscera. Poodle Bitch concurs. He could have said that to Malvin as well. Instead, he is too polite. “I’m not bored,” he says, when Malvin says he wants to create wide-hipped jodhpurs to give a feeling of “chicken thighs.”

This episode’s runway show is one of the strangest Poodle Bitch remembers. The “bellies” do not seem to fit any of the models properly. This is not only because all of the models seem far to thin and frail to actually carry human fetuses. Poodle Bitch is no expert on human pregnancy (nor is she much of an expert on dog pregnancy- she has been spayed) but she did not think that human bellies rode quite so low as they did on the models as they strutted down the runway.

Once again, it was Irina who provided what was, to Poodle Bitch’s eye, the most beautifully designed and well-made of the dresses. Her blue dress was “fun,” as she described it. But once again, the judges did not agree, and Irina was sent off the runway with neither one of the highest or lowest scores.

However, Poodle Bitch did appreciate Louise the Vintage Girl’s almost-lingerie dress Clearly, she is more than just a non-evil version of Kenley. Shirin’s dress and coat were also nice.

But they were not Irina.

The guest judge whose name Poodle Bitch did not catch says that she has friends who would wear Mitchell’s mess. Poodle Bitch believes this should disqualify her from judging, and looks forward to the return of Michael Kors.

Poodle Bitch does not feel it was too great an injustice that Shirin won the challenge.

The final two were not unexpected. Poodle Bitch is, however, disappointed that once again Mitchell was selected to remain, while the more “unusual” contestant is sent home. Poodle Bitch wonders first of all, who will be strange one nest week (the woodland sprite woman?), and will Mitchell once again not try to win the challenge, but just get by, and end up in the bottom two?

Moreover, Poodle Bitch has a message to producers: More Irina!

Models of the Runway picture source.
Mitchell picture source.
Louise picture source.
Irina design sketch source.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Megan Fox is the Ryan Reynolds of Comic Book Film Adaptations

There's a rumor that Megan Fox (who once called "Wonder Woman" lame) is set to appear as Catwoman in the next Batman film.

Megan Fox has allegedly landed the role of Catwoman in the next Batman film.

According to The Sun, the Transformers actress will be ditching Autobots for a tight PVC cat suit to play the part of Selina Kyle in the new Christopher Nolan directed film.

Megan Fox has already been cast in "Johan Hex," which is an adaptation of a DC Comics Western hero. She's also been cast in "Fathom," an adaptation of Michael Turner's Top Cow comic.

She has entered Ryan Reynolds territory. He, too, has been cast in at least three major comic book-based films.

Sadly, I've heard a rumor that Fox and Reynolds are now fighting over who will get to play MODOK.

Will it be Ryan Reynolds, or Megan Fox who brings MODOK to the big screen? The race is on!

MODOK pic source.

"Megan Wants a Millionaire" Casting Director on Larry King Live, and the Questions King Should Have Asked Her

The full transcript for the episode can be found here.

First, here's how Larry King introduced the Megan Wants a Millionaire casting director on the show:

OK. Let's discuss this incredible matter that occurred last week. Stuart Brazell is the casting director for "Megan Wants a Millionaire." She recruited Ryan Jenkins for the show.
He doesn't tell us for whom she worked. 51Minds? VH1? The "outside company" that did background checks on the contestants? This is just one reason why I think Larry King is hands down the worst interviewer on television. He doesn't ask follow-up questions, and often acts as if he's surprised to be talking to anyone at all.

I didn't watch the entire interview; it's possible at some point there was a chiron that told viewers for whom she worked, but that information isn't in the transcript.

It's vitally important, however. Remember that 51Minds, in their statement, said that they used an "outside company" to do background checks on the contestants. If Stuart Brazell works for 51Minds, an interviewer who had done a bit of research beforehand might ask her:

"How much background information did you get on him?"

"Did you take his contact information and pass it along to this outside company that does the background checks? How did you give them this information? Was it part of a list of potential candidates for the show?"

"Did you in any way rank the candidates in the order in which you hoped to cast them? In other words, did you in any way convey to this "outside company" that you very much hoped to cast Mr. Jenkins on the show? Did you have any influence over how the background checks were conducted?"

Instead, he asks her:

KING: You, Stewart, cast Ryan Jenkins for "Megan Wants a Millionaire." What was the reaction first before the story broke, before you learned about a suicide?
Can you guess her answer?

BRAZELL: Shock, disbelief. It took me 24 hours to even process that it truly happened. I could not believe what I was seeing, that it was everywhere, just complete disbelief. Then tragedy for these families.
The story is tragic. The only people who might not understand that are a few TMZ commenters. With all due respect, I am not interested in her reaction to the story.

KING: What kind of contestant was he?

BRAZELL: Ryan was the ideal contestant for these shows. You want a big personality. You want loud. You want someone that's entertaining and that's going to cause conflict in the house. That's exactly what I looked for and that's what he was.
Here, if King had done any research at all into these shows, he would have asked followups about other characters on these reality shows. For instance, what about Brittanya, who was featured on Rock of Love Bus, where she spat on past winner Ambre, and was then featured on Charm School, where she spent the entire season worrying over her sentencing for assault? Then there was Saaphyri, from Flavor of Love, Charm School, and I Love Money 2, who was on the run from the law when she appeared on ILM2 (for identity theft- she's currently in prison). Then he might have asked about Cage from Daisy of Love, a professional cage fighter who was desperate to fight Flex, and so had to be (tearfully, of course) eliminated by Daisy. And what about 51Minds' penchant for having contestants on their shows engage in physical combat? Remember that Daisy eliminated Cage the week before the big mixed martial arts challenge. Remember also that next week, on Real Chance of Love 2, the women are going to "wrestle." For that matter, on Rock of Love, they had the "mud bowl," in which the women played football in the mud, and a roller derby challenge.

He might also ask why there is so much alcohol made so freely available to the contestants, who all live together in a house.

At some point, this seems to be a pattern of casting people of questionable self-control on programs that promote physical confrontation.

Would that King have asked this casting director about these things. Instead:

KING: How did you come to cast him?

BRAZELL: The way this works is, a lot of times you travel from city to city. My first city was Las Vegas. You go in a team. It is two people. I was there with a co-worker. Literally had landed in Vegas two hours later. Was at the Venetian. Took an escalator down. First person comes over, baby, baby, baby. He hit on me.

I met him because he approached me. I said, well, I'm going to use this. Part of what I do is I recruit talent for these shows. You literally go --

KING: He's trying to date you and you say to him, you want to be on a show?

BRAZELL: He was just having fun. It's Las Vegas. He's there to have fun with his boys. There was a big porn convention. They were there to enjoy what Vegas has to offer. I happened to be a pretty face that he wanted to come and talk to.

Ms. Brazell is a pretty face. She's appeared on television herself, and has a demo reel on YouTube. But, again, she's not really telling us anything about how the casting actually works, especially in light of 51Minds' statement about the background checks being done by an "outside company."

Stuart Brazell, a pretty face.

More confusion is caused by King's next question:

KING: Did he go right away for being on the show?

BRAZELL: Right away. He talked to me -- it took a couple sentences and he was down for it immediately, and then started talking about how he always wanted to be a movie star and actor. He was the perfect candidate for the show.

So what is the procedure for doing background checks? King doesn't ask that. He gets sidetracked by another guest, who expresses some doubt about the suicide of Ryan Jenkins, because from her understanding, his feet could touch the floor. Could be a conspiracy, and people love conspiracies. Maybe he was murdered?

And with that, King goes to a commercial break. When he comes back, he asks Ms. Brazell another of those "how do you feel about this" kind of questions that give us no real information:

KING: Before we bring in Candice Delong, who is our former FBI profiler, a couple more things -- Stuart, you remain with us as well. Did you see any hint that this guy might have been violent?

BRAZELL: You know, I was completely shocked that he would have been capable of doing this. Obviously these type of people that everyone enjoys watching -- he was charismatic. He was a lady's man. People were drawn to him. He ran around talking in tons of voices.

I could see that he could be a loose cannon. No, did I think that he was capable of murdering his wife? Absolutely not.

Of course not! If she'd thought that, she wouldn't have cast him. And besides, there was a background check done on him. At some point. By some outside company. Here's a chance for King to ask about that!

He does not.

(You will also note that Ms. Brazell manages to subtly implicate the viewer in this horrible situation, in the sentence I emphasized. She had to cast this guy- he was the type that everyone enjoys watching.)

KING: Didn't he get married while he was on the show.

BRAZELL: No, the show had wrapped. He was done filming. A lot of the cast members came from Vegas, because, as I told you, that was the first city. So he kind of came to hang out with them, met Jasmine, married her three hours later.

KING: Did you know her?

BRAZELL: I did not know her.

KING: Did he text message you after he married her?

BRAZELL: He did. He text messaged me the next day and said, I met the love of my life. This is the woman of my dreams. Just how happy he was. I would also say that he was happy to marry someone from the U.S., because he was very much looking for citizenship. I think that had a big part to do with it as well.

Waaaaiiiittt a second. King knew about the text messaging? So he did research on the text message, but not on past contestants on 51Minds shows? What kind of interviewer is this?

King then shows a clip of Megan and Ryan on their solo date on "Megan Wants a Millionaire." And then he has an "FBI profiler" "profile" Ryan Jenkins. From a twenty second clip from a reality show.

KING: All right, Candice, you're a profiler. Profile him.

CANDICE DELONG, FMR FBI PROFILER: Well, from everything we've seen, in addition to this little clip, these guys are master manipulators. They can control themselves in their waking environments, their working environments. They control their angers, their tempers. It's the wives and girlfriends in private that suffer from guys like this.

What interests me is on the clip with Megan, is that he said I wanted to show her a little vulnerability. Wait a minute. Vulnerability is a spontaneous -- you either have it or you don't. It's not something you put on the vulnerability suit.
Fascinating insights. Let me ask the profiler this question: Is profiling something you just put on, like a profiling suit? How much research had she done into Ryan Jenkins's story? Seriously, I am not a "former FBI profiler," but there is nothing that she said to King that I could not have come up with myself, after reading two stories on TMZ.

KING: Also, Ryan Jenkins had a past history of violence towards women. He got 15 months' probation in 2007 on assault charge and apparently maybe a suicide try. What do you make of all that?

DELONG: Let's talk about the assault first. Probably the most reliable indicator or predictor of future interpersonal violation is past interpersonal violence. So having a history of battery against women in his past would certainly make him a bad bet for a husband or boyfriend for the future.

As for the suicide attempt; the variety of reasons why people may attempt suicide -- but without question the vast majority of people don't. Here's a man who obviously is questioning whether he wants to be on this Earth, certainly ended his life that way, and thought about it before. It's an unstable guy.
Now King is displaying that someone did some research. But I have to wonder, yet again, and this is the important question:

Why didn't Larry King ask the casting director about this? The assault- the suicide attempt (I didn't know about that)- how could these things have gone undiscovered in 51Minds's "outside company's" background check?

King has some family members of Lacy Petersen on, and they discuss Scott, her husband who was convicted of murdering her. That's a sad story, and I must say I find it tasteless that King chose to have her family members on the same program as the casting director for "Megan Wants a Millionaire." And that "former FBI profiler." Later in the episode, King asks the casting director another of those "how do you feel" questions:

KING: Let's ask each of our guests about early warnings. Stewart, did you see anything, in retrospect, that you could have said -- I should have saw something?

BRAZELL: Once this happened, I replayed this and replayed this, so devastated for Jasmine, the family. You kind of go through, was there something there? And to be honest, I would have met Ryan. He was like anyone else. For a show like this, you put hundreds of people on camera, come in and out of your lives. This was a different show, because we were looking for a fluent gentleman, so we spent more time with them. I was with him in a social environment. He just seemed like a happy, go lucky guy. I would say he could be a loose cannon, if provoked. But this? No.
Again, here's a perfect opportunity for King to ask a follow up about the background check process. The process of casting "big personalities," and 51Minds's past casting choices. He does not.

Later, he asks the casting director a question that he deems much more important:

KING: Stewart, did you like him?

BRAZELL: I would not say -- he wasn't exactly my cup of tea. But he was likable. You know, he used funny voices. Women were drawn to him. He was the life of the party. He was likable. I did not personally chose him as a friend.
She liked him, but not enough to be friends with him. After all, the man is a suicided killer. Allegedly.

King then, finally, asks a background-check question:

KING: Did he have a lot of money?

BRAZELL: He did have a lot of money. His parents had a lot of money. He was legit for what we were looking for.

KING: Father's a lawyer, right?

BRAZELL: Father's an architect, I believe a real estate investor.

KING: An architect, successful businessman?

BRAZELL: Exactly. He was given ever opportunity to succeed.
Here, King could follow with a question about the background check. The past contestants of these shows. Something. But here's his next question:

KING: But you didn't dislike him?

BRAZELL: I didn't dislike him. I kind of saw him for what he was.

KING: Which was?

BRAZELL: Which was perfect for this show: loud, obnoxious, made for great TV.
If I were a contestant on any of these shows, and I heard the casting director say, on national television, that Ryan Jenkins was perfect for one of the shows, made for great TV because he was "loud" and "obnoxious," I might consider suing for defamation.

King has another chance to ask about the background check, and the actual mechanics of becoming a contestant on a 51Minds reality show. He does not:

KING: You think he might have been picked on the show? Did you ever guess he was going to be chosen?

BRAZELL: I thought 100 percent he would get on the show.

KING: Did you think he would be winning on the show?

BRAZELL: I thought he would make it to the final, at least the top five. He's a good-looking guy.

KING: He didn't make it to the top five?

BRAZELL: He didn't win the show.

KING: We haven't seen it yet?

BRAZELL: Well, it's been pulled. He was in the finals.

KING: He was? You can say that. He was a finalist.

BRAZELL: He was in the finals.
Emphasis added.

So, although Ms. Brazell "cast Ryan Jenkins," she really didn't have any say in his being cast on the show? Again, here's a chance for King to ask her something about how these people are actually cast. He does not. The show is over.

More questions than answers.

Stuart Brazelll pic source.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

RE: VH1 Cancels Ryan Jenkins Shows, And, How Thorough Was the Background Check Done on Him?

People is reporting that both "Megan Wants a Millionaire" and "I Love Money 3" have been cancelled by VH1. Not entirely unexpected, given the circumstances. But that's got to be a blow to both VH1 and to 51Minds. That is almost two full series that have been shot and paid for, that now cannot be aired.

I assume VH1 will package together some clips from the shows for a special on the whole sordid and tragic story, maybe some time next year, around when "I Love Money 3" was to air.

What's more interesting is this bit of information from the People article:

A former contestant on one of the shows tells PEOPLE that if producers knew Jenkins had any criminal background, they would not have put him on the show.

"We did give them lots of extensive background information," says the former contestant, who did not want to be identified. "They wanted to know my criminal history, social security numbers, multiple different times, and drivers' license numbers. They did a pretty thorough check on me and I've got to assume they did it for everybody else."

Emphasis added because, well, that doesn't really sound like such a thorough check to me. Maybe I'm misreading this, but he seems to be saying they asked him for his criminal history. Then they got his social security number(s? what?) "multiple different times" (again, What?), and driver's license number(s).

For the criminal history, he could say whatever he wanted.

For the social security numbers- do they even have those in Canada? And what would that check, anyway? His credit?

And what good would driver's license numbers do them? Could they check his traffic history?

I'm just a naive layman, so for all I know, they might have been able to use such information to do a thorough check on someone. Of course, they missed Jenkins' assault conviction.

Did Ryan Jenkins's background check consist of little more than asking him if he had a criminal history?

UPDATE @ 1:30 PM PST: Thanks to shampoo for alerting me to this in the comments. The casting director for "Megan Wants a Millionaire" stated that she cast Ryan because he hit on her. Radar online has video of her appearance on "Larry King Live," and you can watch it here, to get an even better idea of Jenkins's taste in women. (Warning: The Radar online site has an irritating red and white stripe pattern that might cause dizzyness.)

Stuart Brazell said Jenkins "was the ideal contestant for these shows. You want a big personality. You want loud. You want someone that's entertaining and that's going to cause conflict in the house. That's exactly what I looked for and that's what he was."

Brazell said she met Jenkins, a Canadian millionaire, on an escalator at the Venetian Hotel in Las Vegas, where she was casting for the dating show, Megan Wants A Millionaire. The show aimed at matchmaking "trophy wife" Megan Hauserman to one in a group of more than a dozen wealthy bachelors.

Brazell said of Jenkins: "First person comes over, baby, baby, baby. He hit on me."

So, does Stuart Brazell work for 51Minds, or the "outside company" that did the background checks for them? If she's with 51 Minds, then, did she collect his social security etc numbers and pass them along to this "outside company," or did she get his contact information and pass it along to the "outside company"?

Was this appearance intended to clarify 51Minds' position? Did someone think that this would make them look better?

Pic source.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Real Chance of Love 2 Episode 4: Too Soon?

Last week, it was implied that Aloha was a little bit unstable. This seems quaint now, in light of the story of Ryan Jenkins. Shouldn’t producers do a better job screening their contestants, one wonders. If indeed this woman who likes to eat raw salmon is insane, why was she allowed to appear on the show? Why was she locked away in a house with all of those other, seemingly stable women?

Today’s episode begins with something even more unsettling. Blonde Baller receives a phone call from her "girl friend Cat" telling her “Courtney from the shop- got shot, dude.”

Blonde Baller: “Die?” (sic?)

“That’s- what- I was told.”

This “Courtney from the shop” is the man who the other competitors for Real’s and Chance’s affections called her “boyfriend.” So Blonde Baller says.

She interviews: “I’m just really upset that… he died.” She is crying on the phone, but she speaks as if she could be ordering the chicken dish in the interview.

She continues, “I miss everyone back home and I can’t even call them because of all the drama that’s going on in the Chance house.”

In light of what happened to Megan Wants a Millionaire contestant Ryan Jenkins, this week's "did Blonde Baller's friend actually die" subplot was a bit much.

Then leave, Blonde Baller. Leave the Chance house. No one would blame you. After all, your best friend was killed.

She returns to the other women, and seeks comfort from Junk, who asks where the murder occurred. Blonde Baller tells her that it was in Michigan. But Blonde Baller had told her in the last episode that all her friends were in Florida. “My friends are from Florida,” she’d said.

Junk interviews: “How did he fly to Michigan that fast and die? I don’t get it.”

At this point, I will admit that I am starting to wonder if maybe VH1 and 51Minds should have waited perhaps a week before airing this particular episode. Given what happened with Ryan Jenkins.

Junk asks Blonde Baller the question that shouldn’t even need to be asked: “Do you think you actually need to be here? If, like, that’s like your best friend, seriously?”

Blonde Baller: “No, ‘cause his funeral’s in Michigan, so I can’t go.”

Junk interviews: “If my best friend had died, I would definitely be packing my bags.”

I would, too. Perhaps Blonde Baller is just unsentimental. She has her memories of this “best friend,” but he’s gone now. She is still alive, and moving on with her life. Looking for love. She might not get another chance at Chance.

This is all mildly distasteful. I realize that Real Chance of Love is a different show from Megan Wants a Millionaire, but they’re both VH1 reality shows. Did they really need to air the “my best friend got murdered (well, maybe)” episode less than a week after one of Megan’s contestants (allegedly) murdered his wife, and then took his own life?

Junk interviews: “I don’t really want to call Blonde Baller a liar, but I can tell that something’s not right with that story.”

Junk is skeptical of Blonde Baller's story. But is she skeptical of Bigfoot?

The next day, Apple says “I woke up this morning feeling like a survivor.”

Again, it’s hard to separate this out from the Ryan Jenkins story. Was Real Chance filmed in the same house as Megan’s show?

And when the women are taken driven into the woods to go on a manhunt, of sorts, it gets even more surreal. No, they’re not hunting a fugitive from the law.

They are hunting “Bigfoot.” Real and Chance put their younger brother Micah in a “yeti suit.” Real says something about Micah having been on enough yeti hunts with them to know how to act like a yeti. But maybe I misheard that.

No, I did not. Real and Chance love Bigfoot.

Chance: “Man, we love Bigfoot, man.”

Real: “We are obsessed with Harry.”

Chance: “We always went huntin’ for him man, you know what I mean, and always just had a – flash of a – glimpse of a – ‘I think I see him!’”

Sassy wins my affection when she interviews: “I would never tell this to Real, but I don’t believe in no damn Bigfoot.”

That is because Bigfoot does not exist, Sassy.

Supposedly, this is an image of Bigfoot. Seriously, this is considered evidence of Bigfoot's existence. Don't believe me? Click here for more "evidence."

But Micah in a yeti suit does exist, and to that end, the women are divided into three teams. First team to find him wins a date with Real and Chance. As it often does, the manhunt goes on too long. One of the teams finds entrails supposedly left by the yeti. Some fur. Footprints. DNA evidence. Finally, Blonde Baller, still mourning the death of her best friend, makes the capture. For that, her team of herself, Junk, Baker, PS, and Doll get to accompany “their boys” on dates. Doll and Baker have been so quiet that they get a first date that night, because Real and Chance want to see their souls.

Their date includes meeting “Ms. Basil, Psychic of the Sole.”

Toni Basil - Hey Mickey

I couldn't find an image of "Ms. Basil," so here's the video for Toni Basil's song "Hey Mickey."

So this episode is covering the paranormal and the murdered friend. Could it really get any worse?

Ms. Basil is a “foot psychic.” She gives “spiritual foot readings.”

Baker’s foot reading causes her to cry. The foot psychic knows her so well. Baker has the foot of a woman who has difficulty trusting men.

Before her foot reading, Doll says “I don’t really believe in psychics so I’m a little skeptical right now.”

Which earns her a place of affection, along with Sassy. Foot psychics are bulls hit.

Doll starts crying because the psychic tells her that she’s had pain in the past (who hasn’t?), and Doll confides that her parents died when she was younger.

Next day, to “get her man,” Apple makes a “sexy breakfast” for Real, who is very impressed. But can she fit into his lifestyle? She won’t answer the question. She’s a sweet girl, she’s a smart girl, and she can cook. But can she hang?

Junk, PS, and Blonde Baller accompany Real and Chance to the LA Zoo, which seems to have completed its construction since the last time I was there. Which, come to think of it, was about four years ago. Or, maybe the producers touched it up for the cameras.

Junk is suspicious, because Blonde Baller seems less than upset about the murder of her friend. The lunch degenerates into namecalling. Neither Blonde Baller nor Junk is there for Chance. Also, Sassy wore red lipstick to the last elimination. That one I didn’t get.

Back at the house, Blonde Baller and Junk get into a shouting match. Of course, on the first episode two contestants were sent home for fighting and instigating. Will these two follow?

Junk goes to Chance’s room to try to do damage control.

Chance interviews: “Junk is good, man, she knows how to sink information in your head and stab it in there.” Yes, Chance said that Junk stabs information. Again I wonder, should VH1 have waited to air this episode? Stabbing?

Blonde Baller goes to Chance’s room to make her own case. Chance interviews: “Blonde Baller, man, you keep tellin’ me you don’t have a boyfriend an’ this an’ that – (sigh) I’m still on the cuttin’ edge about that.”

The cutting edge.

Real eliminates Apple. I would never eliminate someone who made me breakfast in bed. I guess that’s how people can tell us apart.

Chance eliminates no one, because he doesn’t know if he wants to eliminate Junk or Blonde Baller.

Next episode, the women wrestle. My heart isn’t in it.

Blonde Baller pic source.
Junk pic source.
Bigfoot pic source.

Poodle Bitch is Unimpressed by the "Provocative" Katy Perry and Her Giant Tube of Lipstick

Poodle Bitch is happy to announce that she has her own blog, which can be found here. You are encouraged to check her out, if you are so inclined.

Poodle Bitch was completely immune to last year's "song of the summer" "I Kissed a Girl," that supposedly edgy examination of one attractive human woman's exploration of her sexuality, and the liberating feeling it gave her. To Poodle Bitch, it seemed to be little more than a coldly calculated attempt to make frustrated human men pant. A cursory examination of the lyrics (which is honestly all that Poodle Bitch can stand) bears out this thesis:

Just wanna try you on
I'm curious for you
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Us girls we are so magical
Soft skin, red lips, so kissable
Hard to resist so touchable
Too good to deny it
Ain't no big deal, it's innocent

She hopes her boyfriend doesn't mind, indeed. She just wants to try this "girl" on- whatever that might mean (Poodle Bitch is mostly unfamiliar with the mechanics of how humans engage in the act of romantic physical connection). So kissable. Oh, and by the way, it's no big deal.

Poodle Bitch has to ask, If it's no big deal, then why even write a song about it?

But the reason for Poodle Bitch's present musings on the calculated Katy Perry is that her eyes were assaulted by the sight of Ms. Perry at a concert, holding a giant inflatable tube of lipstick as if it were a very large sexual floatation device.

Poodle Bitch wonders if humans really find a semi-attractive young woman in pink hot pants and a beaded bustiere, carrying a giant inflatable lipstick tube at roughly her crotch area, all the while singing about how she hopes her boyfriend doesn't mind that she has made out with a cherry-chapsticked curious "girl" attractive. Is the lipstick tube supposed to be a phallus? A suppository?

Did anyone in the audience wish they were the giant inflatable tube of lipstick?

Perhaps. Poodle Bitch notes that the inflatable tube of lipstick does not have ears.

Or perhaps Poodle Bitch is all wrong about Ms. Perry, and she's merely beginning her new career as a "prop comic," a la Carrot Top?

Katy Perry picture source.
Carrot Top picture source.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Ryan Jenkins is Apparently no Longer on the Run

TMZ is reporting that "Megan Wants a Millionaire" contestant Ryan Jenkins killed himself in a motel room in Hope, B.C.

VH1's blog has a statement.

There’s not really much to add to that by way of commentary. Tragedy begets tragedy. Of course, our sympathy goes out to the friends and families of Jasmine Fiore and Ryan Jenkins, as it has for the past several days.

I actually don't have very much to add to that, myself- it's a decent enough statement for the VH1 blog for now. So here's a snapshot of a couple of that entry's comments:

UPDATE MONDAY around 11:00 AM PST: AJaye over at Thrill Fiction has a sober and well-written and researched examination of the case.

UPDATE MONDAY around 11:30 AM PST: The AP has a story in which the owner of the motel where Jenkins was found claims that a "mystery woman" checked him in.

Kevin Walker, who manages the Thunderbird Motel, said Jenkins and the mystery woman arrived Thursday in a Chrysler PT Cruiser with tinted windows and license plates from Alberta, Jenkins' home province. He stayed in the car while the woman checked them in, he said.

She was blonde, in her early 20s and "naturally pretty, one of those wholesome little ladies," he said.

Walker said the woman paid cash — 140 Canadian dollars ($130) — for three nights' stay.

"He stayed in the car far, far away from the front of the office," Walker said. "I didn't think nothing of it because it's just a couple checking in."

Walker said he never saw the woman or the car again.

First of all, $130 isn't much for three nights, and you've got to admire the way he worked their rates into the story.

Second, who was the "mystery woman"? The charismatic and charming man doubtless knew many women in the US and Canada, who might be willing to help him, for any reason. Perhaps she was a relative, or an ex girlfriend who was helping him to find a spot to clear his head, before he finally gave himself up, to clear up the whole misunderstanding.

Of course, we still do not know that Ryan Jenkins is guilty of the crime of which he's been accused. Perhaps he was an innocent man hounded to suicide by the police and the media. We can't say for sure yet.

Does Dog the Bounty Hunter Read My Blog? And, Why is He Just Giving Away His Fugitive Search Strategy?

Thanks to the ever-vigilant AJaye over at the indispensable Thrill Fiction blog for giving me the head's up about this story, from The Edmonton Sun. As the headline and subhead put it,

Dog the Bounty Hunter ready to join manhunt
Celebrity manhunter would track Ryan Jenkins on foot

Of course I suggested this in an entry on this very blog on Thursday.

But back to the Edmonton Sun:

The case of a celebrity fugitive wanted for murder has captured the attention of television's most famous bounty hunter who is ready and willing to join the manhunt.

Duane Chapman, better known as Dog the Bounty Hunter who tracks down bad guys on his hit TV show, said if asked by Canadian authorities, he would join the search for Calgary realtor turned reality show contestant Ryan Jenkins, who is wanted for the murder of his wife, model Jasmine Fiore.

"If he is across the border and I am asked by legal law enforcement agencies to help out ... Dog and A&E are on their way," Chapman said yesterday.

This proves two things. The first thing is that I have my finger firmly on the pulse of the zeitgeist. The second thing is that Dog the Bounty Hunter doesn't mind using a reality show related tragedy to get his name in the headlines. No, I am not being judgmental; I don't blame him in the least. After all, I used his name in my blog entry on the subject.

But I will tsk-tsk Dog for giving away his search strategy:

Chapman said if he was on the hunt, he would go on foot to where Jenkins was last seen at the same time of day and ask passing cars who drive the route every day if they saw him.

Dog, come on- they're not going to call you if they can just read what you would do in a newspaper. And in a newspaper published in the very country to which the subject of the manhunt has escaped! If you're going to say these things, tell an Australian newspaper.

But Dog doesn't stop there:

Chapman suspects because Jenkins is well educated and wealthy, he is likely laying low in someone's home or a barn, and has the capability of disguising himself while on the run.

Dog, you're talking yourself out of an A&E special event. Really, now the Canadian police know to search homes and barns for someone who might be in disguise.

And, when they find Ryan Jenkins in a home or a barn, and disguised, you will have to call reporters to take your share of credit. Do you really think the Canadian police will acknowledge your help?

You'd think Dog would be more media savvy than to give away his fugitive search strategy the way he did.

Dog pic source.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

RE: Ryan Jenkins Look-A-like Arrested at Airport and TMZ's Posting of His Picture

TMZ has been all over the disturbing story of "Megan Wants a Millionaire" contestant Ryan Jenkins, and I've referenced a lot of their reporting in my own posts on the story. They've posted some pretty breathless stuff, but today they went bonkers. At least for awhile.

First, they reported that Ryan Jenkins might have "partied on the run" with another "Megan Wants a Millionaire" contestant, David Cohen.

On August 18 at 3:36 PM, three days after Jenkins' wife, Jasmine Fiore, was discovered mutilated in a suitcase and thrown in a dumpster, one of Jenkins' friends -- David Cohen -- posted on his wall: "my brother we looked good last night."

His "wall," of course, refers to Ryan Jenkins' facebook page. TMZ apparently is inferring, and then implying, that Ryan and David spent August 17th yucking it up, hitting the town, and generally behaving boorishly. Now, I do not care one iota about the reputation of Ryan Jenkins.

But did David Cohen need to be dragged down in the mud? TMZ goes on:

So the question -- was Cohen with Jenkins on the August 17? We got a tip -- that we have not confirmed -- that David Cohen is the screen name of someone who appeared with Jenkins on "Megan Wants a Millionaire." That week's episode, however, aired on August 16 and it appears Cohen is referring to August 17.

Well, David might have been referring to the episode of "Megan Wants a Millionaire" in which both David and Ryan were on the same team (remember, this was the episode in which Ryan, David, and Joe created the organic dog food together), and not to "partying" together?

But TMZ protests: That week's episode, however, aired on August 16 and it appears Cohen is referring to August 17.

TMZ, those episodes run all the freaking time. Every night, it seems. Besides that, TMZ, you really don't know to what "last night" David is referring.

But that's not nearly as bad as what TMZ did next. In fact, what TMZ did next is so bad that even they seem to have thought better of it, and took it down.

They reported that Ryan Jenkins had not been arrested at an airport in Toronto.

Buena Park Detective Lieutenant Steve Holiday tells TMZ that the U.S. Marshal's office informed his department the man arrested tonight at a Toronto airport was not Ryan Jenkins.

Authorities boarded a plane and arrested a man they believed to be Ryan Jenkins, but authorities tell us it was not him.

Jenkins is still on the loose. The man taken into custody in Toronto tonight reportedly has been released.

I know what you're thinking. That's not so bad. I mean, they just reported that someone who looked like Ryan Jenkins was taken into police custody briefly, then released. An inconvenience for the look-alike, but otherwise, no harm no foul.

Except. For awhile, they had a story up in which appeared a photograph of the look-alike. And I know this, because WeSmirch, a gossip website news aggregator, picked up TMZ's story. The thumbnail for which showed an image of the man who had the misfortune to resemble Ryan Jenkins. That thumbnail is still up, and I took a snapshot of it.

Of course, I blotted out the man's face.

"This guy is not wanted reality star Ryan Jenkins- but he was arrested anyway last night cause he looked like him."

Thanks, TMZ, for that bit of information.

When you click on the link, you get redirected to the main TMZ page. But not before you see this image, ever so briefly:

Apparently, someone at TMZ felt bad for posting a "Pic of Ryan Jenkins Look-a-Like Getting Cuffed," and so it was taken down. Or the man's lawyer called. Or something.

Imagine looking like Ryan Jenkins- that's bad enough. You're pulled off your plane and dragged to the police station in handcuffs. All the way you're telling people, "That's not me. Look at my ID. That guy is not me. I never even met Megan Hauserman!" That would be terrifying. What if they don't believe you and extradite you back to America? How far would this go?

Finally, you're let go. You've missed your flight. You've been rattled and shaken.

You're thinking, "Whew. I'm glad that's over."

Then a few hours later, the punchline: A picture of you, in handcuffs, appears on a popular gossip website, for millions of people to see.

And, who at TMZ thought that a photo of a man who looks like Ryan Jenkins was newsworthy?

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Poodle Bitch is Delighted by the Return of Project Runway

Poodle Bitch is most excited for the return of her favorite reality competition, “Project Runway.”

Of course Poodle Bitch was delighted to see that the new season is taking place in her beloved Los Angeles, and she was filled with anticipation as each of the lovely characters was introduced. There was the eccentric one word named man, the former addict, the woman who designs dresses for woodland fairies, the vintage girl, the androgyne, the woman from a harsh Eastern European country, the woman who speaks to fabric and makes clothes with water purification systems. Oh, how Poodle Bitch was atingle with anticipation over this year’s fashion potential.

Alas, none of the characters was standing out to Poodle Bitch, until she saw the long-legged Irina Shabayeva make her appearance. The beautiful 26 year old woman creates a line of leather totes inspired by her own poodle bitch. Unfortunately, Irina has named her bitch Princess, but Poodle Bitch is pleased that Irina has the taste, refinement, and decorum to keep a poodle bitch as a companion. Poodle Bitch is even more impressed that Ms. Shabayeva designs totes for the carrying of her bitch. That is true and necessary dedication that Poodle Bitch wishes more humans would do the same.

Poodle Bitch's favorite Project Runway contestant is the poodle companion Irina Shabayeva.

Poodle Bitch does not appreciate Ms. Shabayeva’s joking that her Princess is a “lazy little girl,” and fully understands why Princess would growl upon hearing such a thing. Poodle Bitch does not believe that a human should call her bitch “lazy” on national television, even in jest. Regardless, Poodle Bitch can take a joke.

Poodle Bitch does not usually bother to commit to memory the names of any Project Runway contestants until at least three episodes into the season. But she is making a most delightful exception in this case. Irina Shabayeva.

Poodle Bitch will admit that seeing Tim Gunn explain the first challenge to the designer contestants made her pant like a dog. Which of course is what Poodle Bitch is. The challenge seemed to be a good one, from her point of view. Let the contestants do what they want, and show exactly what they can do. No “create a dress from items found in a grocery store” this time.

Poodle Bitch was still so excited, ten minutes into the show, that she failed to become irritated by the antics of the “free spirited” woman who speaks to fabric. She does not sketch, apparently, but does her designing by doing handstands against the wall.

But once the shopping was finished at mood (and one of the contestants, the uniquely named Qristyl) and the designers returned to the Fashion Institute to begin creating their clothes, Poodle Bitch will confess to some confusion as to the behavior of West Hollywood resident Johnny, the former meth addict. Is he having some kind of relapse, Poodle Bitch wonders? Have any contestants ever wanted to “throw in the towel” a mere couple of hours into the season? It can’t be homesickness. He’s home.

Poodle Bitch hopes that the ever elegant Tim Gunn will be able to provide Johnny with the support he needs. Poor Johnny doesn’t want to fail. He doesn’t feel ready. It’s so hard. But then, why try out for the show, Poodle Bitch wonders.

She also wonders what it would be like to have Tim Gunn, her favorite reality show personality, give her a pep talk. Poodle Bitch has a feeling that after a mere two minutes of Mr. Gunn’s wise counsel, she could take on any challenge. Especially if he gave her a tomato slice.

Poodle Bitch wonders if perhaps Mr. Gunn shouldn’t give a talk- a much more stern talk- to the androgyne Malvin, who claims there is as yet no vocabulary to describe his designs. Poodle Bitch has yet to see the design, but she does have one word to describe Malvin: Pretentious.

Poodle Bitch is unimpressed with the limited vocabulary of androgynous Malvin, who doesn't recognize different colors of carpets.

Oh, poor Christopher who did not attend fashion school, doesn’t even know what the word “smocking” means. Nor does he know another word that Poodle Bitch will admit she did not know herself. ("Godet.") But Poodle Bitch is a dog. She does not have to know such things. Although, even she had heard of smocking.

Again, Poodle Bitch was so delighted to watch Mr. Gunn do his walk-through, to see the designer’s works in process. This is one of Poodle Bitch’s favorite parts of every episode. Poodle Bitch firmly believes that Mr. Gunn is one of the most tasteful, refined, and eminently polite human beings on television. Seeing him provide his encouragement of designs that frankly seem- to Poodle Bitch’s untrained eye- appalling, is a real pleasure. A pleasure that Poodle Bitch has sorely missed for a year.

Poodle Bitch is at a loss as to understand exactly what were the problems for the designer who sent out “the naked model,” Mitchell. If your model is five inches taller than expected, you “make it work.” That is what you do on this show, and Poodle Bitch does not have sympathy. She knows there are thousands of people who would do anything to be on this show.

And how appalled was Poodle Bitch to see that Lindsay Lohan was a guest judge. If Poodle Bitch had designed anything that Lindsay liked, she would wonder what she did wrong.

Poodle Bitch wonders what possessed the producers of Project Runway to select this woman as this week's guest judge. Did they need ratings that badly? It's Project Runway- not some tawdry VH1 show.

On the plus side, Poodle Bitch has to think that someone like Lindsay Lohan would appreciate Mitchell’s “naked” dress.

Poodle Bitch was happy to say that Irina’s champagne gown was the most beautiful. Clearly, this woman has taste in both animals and in design.

The designs of the woodland creature woman, and the handstander appalled her. Naked Mitchell’s was silly.

Why Irina’s dress was not chosen as one of the best is beyond her. But, again, the tasteless Lindsay Lohan was likely throwing off the judging.

Poodle Bitch was delighted to hear the handstanding designer say that her dress was for the VMAs circa 2080, and to pick up a Nobel Peace Prize on the same night. She hopes that handstander is kept around for a few more episodes.

Poodle Bitch did find it ironic to hear Lindsay Lohan say “there’s got to be an awareness to what’s acceptable and what’s appropriate and what’s… too out there.” She had to stop the DVR and replay it, to make sure she’d heard it correctly.

Regarding Mitchell’s dress, Poodle Bitch would tend to disagree with Michael Kors’s assessment that it should not be worn outside the house. Poodle Bitch can most definitely imagine Lindsay Lohan wearing it in public, quite possibly two or three days in a row. But Poodle Bitch is not a judge. If she were, the poodle loving Irina would have won this episode.

Not “I’ve-Never-heard-of-Smocking” Christopher, even though Poodle Bitch definitely liked his dress.

However, Poodle Bitch does not agree with the judges’ decision to send home the handstander. That makes no sense to her. Aren’t you interested in what she would have done with the “design a dress from garbage” challenge? At least she finished her design. Mitchell did not.

Poodle Bitch hopes that the headstander takes solace from the fact that she was eliminated by a judging panel that included Lindsay Lohan. That could be considered a badge of honor.

Poodle Bitch is disappointed that she will not get to see more handstands from the handstanding woman, whose real name escapes her at the moment.

Irina pic source.
Malvin pic source.
Lindsay Lohan pic source.
Ari pic source.

Send in Dog the Bounty Hunter to Find Ryan Jenkins- Also: The Production Company's Sleazy Statement

TMZ is now reporting that "Megan Wants a Millionaire" contestant Ryan Jenkins is officially a suspect in the murder of his wife, Jasmine Fiore. There is now an arrest warrant:

"Count 1: On or about August 14, 2009, in violation of Section 187(a) of the Penal Code (MURDER), a FELONY, RYAN ALEXANDER JENKINS did unlawfully and with malice aforethought kill JASMINE FIORE, a human being."

TMZ covered the police press conference where some grisly facts were revealed. Apparently, the victim's teeth and fingers were removed. The police also think he made it to Canada, and might be running to daddy in Honduras.

Jenkins' dad, Dan -- an architect -- helped develop a resort on the island of Roatan. He's credited as the "developer, president and architect" of the project. A rep from SOSA Airline in Honduras tells us Dan owns a 19-seat private jet.

You know who wouldn't let him get away?

Dog the Bounty Hunter.

Remember, he went to Mexico and got convicted rapist Andrew Luster, and brought him back to the US when no one in the US or Mexican government could or would do anything about it.

Turn Dog loose, and let the cameras follow him.

Dog the Bounty Hunter isn't exactly my favorite person in the world, but do you really think he'd let Ryan get away?

Oh, and by the way- how did Ryan Jenkins, who'd been convicted of assaulting a girlfriend back in 2005- get past the production company's vetting process? TMZ (again!) has their statement:

51Minds was not aware of Ryan Jenkins' record when it cast him on "Megan Wants a Millionaire." Obviously, if the company had been given a full picture of his background, he would never have been allowed on the show.

The company did have in place what it thought was a thorough vetting process that involved complete background checks by an outside company for all contestants on its shows. Clearly, the process did not work properly in this case.

(emphasis added)

Clearly, the process did not work properly in this case is the reality show understatement of the year. Do you think, 51Minds? Really?

And they're now saying that some other, outside company, did their background checks for them! Obviously, if this other company had done it's job, we wouldn't have let this guy on our show- and we're just as shocked- shocked, I tell you!- as anyone that this happened! To be honest, we didn't even know who he was until someone at TMZ asked us for a statement.

That is at best stupid and at worst negligent. Really, if you're a production company that doing show after show in which you keep recycling the same "real people," don't you check them out yourself? They apparently did two shows with this guy.

I could understand if maybe you do only show with him. Maybe he only lasts an episode, like say Donald the movie producer. But seriously, you don't bother to check out a guy that gets recast in another of your shows?

Again: Really?

This is a guy you sent to Mexico to live in a house with maybe twenty other reality show contestants, and you don't go to the outside company that's doing your background checks and ask, So, can we take a look at his file?... Now, are you sure you got everything on him? Did you get all his criminal history?

Oh, you asked him about it, and he said he didn't have a criminal history? Well, did you check that for yourself?

Oh, you don't think he was lying about that, because he's got an honest face?

51Minds' statement is even more slippery than VH1's. You will of course remember that VH1, in their statement, pushed the blame to 51Minds.

Soon enough, the company that did background checks for 51Minds will be releasing a statement.

We, the company that did background checks for 51Minds, outsourced our background checking services to an outside temp agency. We believed the temps were doing a thorough job of vetting the show's contestants, but obviously there was a breakdown. Our hearts go out to the victim and her family.

And then where will the blame be shifted?

Dog the Bounty Hunter pic source.

The TMZbots Come out in Force to Attack the Victim

The tragic victim, being attacked by TMZ commenters.

I have been closely following events in the tragic story of the doomed Jasmine Fiore and her highly questionable and loathsome reality star husband, Ryan Jenkins. TMZ has been all over the story, as can be expected. This is their forte, after all, and they've had some pretty good information on the case. Including this story, about a possibly important text message. Apparently, Fiore had been in contact with her ex boyfriend, Robert Hasman, while Jenkins was in Mexico filming "I Love Money 3." Jenkins did not like this.

We're told Fiore texted Hasman on Friday night, saying she was going to travel to Las Vegas to see him.

Later that same evening, we're told Hasman received another text from Fiore's phone that just said, "suck it."

Police are exploring a theory that Jenkins may have seen the text Fiore sent to Hasman and then fired off the "suck it" message out of anger.

The story is tragic for all involved. But the comments from TMZ readers add another layer of tragedy:

Possible jurors in the trial of Jasmine Fiore's killer, giving the defense attorneys a strategy for attacking the victim.

What would motivate someone to insult the looks and background of a woman who was just murdered? Apparently, the murder isn't enough. These comments are just bizarre. I want to believe they're motivated by a need to stand out from the crowd, or that maybe they're a strange form of performance art. There can't be any sincere feeling behind "Is it only me that finds it humorous that this white trash stripper was found in a dumpster where trash should be?" can there?

I guess TMZ has its own TMZbots, just Rotten Tomatoes has the Rotten Tomatobots. And to the TMZbots I say, "Suck it."

But that is an interesting question: Which is worse: Wishing someone dead because he wrote a negative review of a film you liked, or making jokes about a woman who was just killed?

Not sure why I'm so surprised. As William Carlos Williams supposedly said, "There's a lot of bastards out there!"

Jasmine Fiore pic source.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Did Ryan from "Megan Wants a Millionaire" Murder a Swimsuit Model?

Is this man a real "ladykiller"?

Thanks to shampoo for the head's up on this story, in the comments for my hard-hitting "Garth didn't write Sex Mode" post from yesterday.

Ryan Jenkins, who is clearly one of Megan's favorites on "Megan Wants a Millionaire," is, according to TMZ, a "person of interest" in the murder of a Playboy representative.

Law enforcement tells us they now have a person of interest in the murder of a Playboy representative who was found dead and stuffed in a suitcase in Orange County. The man is Ryan Alexander Jenkins, who was a contestant on a VH1 reality show.

Jasmine Fiore was found in a trash bin in Buena Park last Saturday morning. She was first reported missing by Jenkins on Saturday night. We're told the Buena Park PD has been trying unsuccessfully to contact him and fear he may be on the run. A police official told us they fear the 32-year-old Jenkins, a resident of Calgary, may be fleeing to Canada. As the official put it, "It's suspicious."

I've often wondered when the serial killers were going to get their own reality show, a la "Man Bites Dog." Maybe this is the ice-breaker that's needed.

Apparently, the show's only screening process was to check the contestants' net worth. We know (well, we don't know, but we can guess) that VH1 reality shows don't screen for psychopaths.

After "Megan Wants a Millionaire," can we expect "Megan's Looking for a Ladykiller"? How about "Megan Provides an Alibi"? Or, "How Do We Get Rid of Megan's Corpse"?

What if Ryan is the winner, and he had to "break up" with Ms. Fiore? SPOILER ALERT: According to TMZ, he is one of the show's final contestants:

Ryan Jenkins was a contestant on "Megan Wants a Millionaire," which airs on VH1. We're told he was among the final contestants. The winner has not been announced on the show, which is currently airing.

And, the Sun adds:

According to US reports Jenkins may have met Miss Fiore in a Las Vegas strip club days after leaving the show.

The pair reportedly may also have married.

Could he have won the show, gone to Vegas to celebrate, got drunk and married poor Jasmine?

Terrible conspiracy theory: Remember when Megan was attacked by Sharon Osbourne during the "Charm School" reunion episode? There were rumors that Megan was given her own show so she wouldn't sue VH1. Maybe producers cast this highly suspicious character as a form of punishment for Megan?

Disclaimer: Of course, it's important to emphasize that Mr. Jenkins is a person of interest, not officially a suspect yet, and even if he were a suspect, he's innocent until proven guilty.

But come on- the guy appeared on "Megan Wants a Millionaire" for crying out loud!

The unfortunate Jasmine Fiore.

UPDATE, around 1 PM PST: Megan Wants a Millionaire's wikipedia page is saying that

Contestant Ryan Alexander Jenkins is now wanted for the questioning as a "person of interest" in the murder of Jasmine Fiore, a 28-year-old swimsuit model who had recently moved to Los Angeles from Las Vegas. Fiore was found dead in dumpster in Buena Park, CA. As a result VH1 has removed his profile and the show episodes from their official website as well as deleting any threads or comments pertaining to the case on VH1's message boards.[6] [7] At the moment the show's site and forum on VH1 redirects to an error page that says "Page not found". VH1 is deciding whether or not this show may not air.

Indeed, I just took a picture of the show list on the VH1 website. You will note one particular program is missing:

And the Los Angeles Times article on the subject has the following rather cryptic and unsettling statement:

[Fiore's mother, Lisa] Lapore said Jenkins had been working on another reality show that was being shot at his home. She said she was unaware of any problems between Jenkins and her daughter.

Which means he either came in second place and was given his own show, a la Daisy de la Hoya and New York, or he won and he and Megan were filming a show. That seems a bit improbable, since he was apparently married to the victim. But, this whole story is just twisty and appalling.

UPDATE around 2:20 PST: TMZ says that Ryan Jenkins was convicted of assaulting a girlfriend back in 2005.

VH1's official statement:

Ryan Jenkins was a contestant on Megan Wants A Millionaire, an outside production, produced and owned by 51 Minds, that is licensed to VH1. The show completed production at the end of March. Given the unfortunate circumstances, VH1 has postponed any future airings. This is a tragic situation and our thoughts go out to the victim’s family.

It's 51 Minds' fault- VH1 had nothing to do with this. They barely even knew the show existed! (Wait- what was it called? "Megan Wants a Whatnow"?) Also, they feel for the victim's family.

That covers Megan Wants a Millionaire. But what about...

...I Love Money 3? Apparently, Ryan Jenkins was a contestant on that show, as well. From The Hollywood Gossip:

Interestingly, Jenkins had reportedly been bragging that he won a boatload of money on a reality show after his stint on VH1's Megan Wants a Millionaire.

Ryan Alexander Jenkins appeared on I Love Money Season 3, which has not yet aired, after his stint on Megan Wants a Millionaire. He married Jasmine Fiore in March after meeting her in a Las Vegas strip club ... two days earlier.

Ryan told several people who have spoken out since he went MIA that he was the I Love Money 3 winner, pulling in $250,000. VH1 has not confirmed this.

The Hollywood Gossip story also has some information about some text messages between the "person of interest" and the victim. She might have been planning to travel back to Las Vegas to meet with an ex boyfriend.

What an appalling story.

But think about this- Brittanya from Rock of Love Bus and Charm School had an assault charge, for which she was facing prison time (and referenced often on Charm School). She spat at Ambre on Rock of Love Bus.

Saaphyri from Flavor of Love, Charm School, and I Love Money 2 is in prison right now for identity theft.

VH1- excuse me, 51 Minds- casts volatile people in these shows. They cast people who are at the very least obnoxious and- in at least two circumstances I can think of off the top of my head- criminal. Was this "only a matter of time"? How many bullets were dodged in the filming of these shows?

Bearing in mind that Ryan Jenkins is only a "person of interest," he's not even yet an official suspect. He is on the run, which looks suspicious, but still, we don't know why he's running. Or, for that matter, if he even is running. We don't know what he's doing. But suppose he turns out to be more than just a "person of interest" in this case?

How safe would you feel if you were cast on one of these shows? How clean would you feel even watching them, anymore? Would it change your mind about their value as entertainment?

I don't know.

Ryan Jenkins pic source.
Jasmine Fiore pic source.