Poodle Bitch was completely immune to last year's "song of the summer" "I Kissed a Girl," that supposedly edgy examination of one attractive human woman's exploration of her sexuality, and the liberating feeling it gave her. To Poodle Bitch, it seemed to be little more than a coldly calculated attempt to make frustrated human men pant. A cursory examination of the lyrics (which is honestly all that Poodle Bitch can stand) bears out this thesis:
Just wanna try you on
I'm curious for you
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Us girls we are so magical
Soft skin, red lips, so kissable
Hard to resist so touchable
Too good to deny it
Ain't no big deal, it's innocent
She hopes her boyfriend doesn't mind, indeed. She just wants to try this "girl" on- whatever that might mean (Poodle Bitch is mostly unfamiliar with the mechanics of how humans engage in the act of romantic physical connection). So kissable. Oh, and by the way, it's no big deal.
Poodle Bitch has to ask, If it's no big deal, then why even write a song about it?
But the reason for Poodle Bitch's present musings on the calculated Katy Perry is that her eyes were assaulted by the sight of Ms. Perry at a concert, holding a giant inflatable tube of lipstick as if it were a very large sexual floatation device.
Poodle Bitch wonders if humans really find a semi-attractive young woman in pink hot pants and a beaded bustiere, carrying a giant inflatable lipstick tube at roughly her crotch area, all the while singing about how she hopes her boyfriend doesn't mind that she has made out with a cherry-chapsticked curious "girl" attractive. Is the lipstick tube supposed to be a phallus? A suppository?
Did anyone in the audience wish they were the giant inflatable tube of lipstick?
Perhaps. Poodle Bitch notes that the inflatable tube of lipstick does not have ears.
Or perhaps Poodle Bitch is all wrong about Ms. Perry, and she's merely beginning her new career as a "prop comic," a la Carrot Top?
Katy Perry picture source.
Carrot Top picture source.