After two episodes of both “Megan Wants a Millionaire” and “Real Chance of Love 2,” it’s astonishing that Real Chance has turned out to be the better show. Or, if not better then more entertaining, which is the same thing. I did not anticipate this.
This season, Real and Chance are not dividing the contestants into “Real Girls” and “Chance Girls.” Each of the hosts will have their pick from among all the women, as the women will have their pick from the two of them. This creates a better dynamic, and gives the female contestants more power. As we reach the later episodes, we might expect to see more fighting between Real and Chance, and also between the women. Who will switch their allegiance in order to remain on the show? If too many women are there for Real, will one of them pretend to want Chance, just so that she can stay and be close to Real? Would Real go after one of the women who is after Chance? All is fair in love and competitive dating shows.
Also, Real and Chance won’t tolerate fighting, which is why what’s-her-name, the orange glow woman, got sent home for punching Vegas. And they won’t tolerate instigators, so Vegas got sent home. Real and Chance are looking for love, not a bodyguard.
Are Real and Chance that confident about their appeal, that they’re willing to throw out the instigators? Are the producers so confident that they’re willing to actually let them? Other shows have thrown out people for actually hitting someone, but the “instigators”? And on the first episode? Come on- this is VH1.
Anyway, on to the second episode:
Wiggly is weird. She tells her rivals she will let a horse (“stallion”) kick her in the head for a date (with a “Stallionaire”).
“Ding Dong” challenge. The women have to sell themselves like door-to-door saleswomen. If Real and Chance like their pitches, they’ll listen to the whole thing. If not, they will slam the door in their faces. It’s wrong, especially in this economy, to encourage door-to-door salesmanship. The most irritating thing that can interrupt your day is having someone come to your door and try to sell you something.
Real's and Chance's door. They should not be encouraging this door-to-door stuff. Why not a peepshow challenge?
They’re looking for: Personality, creativity, sexiness.
Winners get a date with Real and Chance.
The women have one hour to create their pitches. Most seem to be concentrating on their physical attributes, which is not a bad strategy. Except Real and Chance are looking for romance.
First up is Lady, who brings a hula hoop, to show her skill. She’s the real OG, but the door is slammed in her face. As Chance says, “Lady, you trippin’.” Real replies, “So you all need to step it up.”
Mamacita is proud of her Mexican heritage, so she brings a bottle of tequila and two shots. Two shots that she spills before the door is even open. As Chance says, she “sounds like a llama.” Llamas are clumsy. Then the door won’t open. She looks good, but she’s “a mess, bra,” as Real says.
“This is concernin’ me and disappointin’ me,” Chance interviews.
Apple writes them haiku. She reads:
“I’m not going to
Chase. I don’t believe in games
Apple reading her haiku. She's almost attractive enough to make you forget she didn't use the proper format.
To which Real asks, “That’s a poem?” Truly, as charming as Real is, he’s a philistine. But he does have a point- I thought a haiku was three lines, with five syllables in the first line, seven in the second, and five in the third, for a total of 17 syllables. Unless I misheard Apple’s effort, it contains 18 syllables. Maybe she threw in an apostrophe somewhere.
PS likes ties, wears ties, and ties ties.
“So you’re here sellin’ us ties?” Real asks.
Classy says she’s there to offer “a Bachelor’s of Science with two minors.” That sounds a bit illegal, but she’s holding a homemade diploma, so I guess it has some kind of college connection?
Flirty stumbles, but she displays quite a bit of impressive décolletage.
Then, Junk shows up in a cheerleading outfit. “The girl looks good and she got it goin’ on,” as Real says. It is impossible to disagree with his assessment, once she turns her back to them and starts jumping.
“Damn! Damn! Damn!” Chance calls out. Then he interviews, “Not only does she have a lot of junk, she has a lot of spirit.”
Junk, displaying her spirit.
Blonde Baller stretches and bends back ward.
Doll wears an ugly dress and says something I didn’t catch.
Spanish Fly gives them a calendar containing provocative photos of herself. “She is so smokin’ hot, man, she has got steam comin’ all up off her,” as Chance says.
Hot Wings plays football. Chance: “I would like to tackle Hot Wings so bad right now.”
Baker made a sign with glue and glitter that apparently showed sexual toys. It was so childish, in the manner of something a third grader might create, as to be downright chilling. Maybe she and Classy should have done a joint presentation. She also wore a shirt with what looked like a banana split and the words “I prefer to be on top” written across it.
Chance: “I love how crazy these girls are, but they need to calm down on the sexual side. We’re looking for real connections, you know, tryin’ to start buildin’ real relationship type thing.” You will note that he expressed this sentiment after gratefully accepting Spanish Fly’s nude calendar.
Pocahontas made Real a rosary, because she just prayed that “God send me a godly man.” The men are unduly impressed by this, but Chance is jealous that Real got the rosary, and he closed the door. When Chance asks them if they hear him, Real replies, “We don’t; we in our own world.” Chance slams the door on both of them.
Pocahontas with her rosary. I'm not necessarily opposed to religion per se, but I certainly don't want to see it on a VH1 reality show. Unless they could somehow get Kirk Cameron to agree to appear on one of these shows.
He’s better off. What kind of gift is a rosary? Does she want to guilt them? Really, the only thing worse than door-to-door salespeople are door-to-door religious recruiters. Pocahontas has combined the worst of two worlds.
Sassy brings Real a riding crop. “This represents how uninhibited we could get, if we got to know each other better.”
“That’s a nice gift for you to use,” Chance says, gentlemanly. Why are so many of these women after Real? Is it the hair?
“I can see the demon in your eyes, which means you can get animal- istic,” as Real says.
She is allowed to enter their room. “Don’t scratch this Bentley,” Sassy tells him, as she bends over. Real gives her a couple of solid slaps.
Next is Wiggly, who has loved Real for awhile. She is so nervous that she appears frail and sad. She reads a long and heartfelt love poem that she must have spent months writing. Real and Chance pretend to fall asleep. Wiggly then says she thinks she did a good job.
A gentleman does not fall asleep on a lady. But Real was only pretending, so it's okay.
“There is something off about Wiggly,” as one of them will say, later.
Five women get dates with them: Junk, Pocahontas, Blonde Baller, Sassy, and Spanish Fly.
Hot Wings is especially upset that Spanish Fly won. She thought the calendar was low and beneath their dignity. Not that it matters, but Hot Wings got her nickname for working at Hooters.
The date is a “Stallionaire Prom,” and everyone’s going, including the women not chosen as winners. That’s as it should be- “winners” mingling with “losers”, feeling resentment that someone else is with their date of choice.
But all is not what it seems. First sign: Losers get ugly dresses, winners get hot dresses.
Real and Chance interview that they never had a prom of their own, which is both sad and difficult to believe. Were they not in school? Were they turned down by all possible partners? Let us hear the story, Real and Chance.
Second sign all is not what it seems: We learn that the losers are going to be stuck at the “prom” at the house- with plenty of alcohol, of course, while the winners are taken in a stretch Hummer to the “real” prom.
Apparently, the women took Real’s and Chance’s admonitions against fighting and instigating to heart, because there is no footage of what went on at the fake prom. None at all. Instead, we go straight to t he real prom, “Love is in the Stallionaire” or something like that, where Real and Chance spend a little too much time dancing together.
Pocahontas and Sassy concentrate on Real. Junk and Spanish Fly go after Chance. Chance thinks Spanish Fly might be “all body no brains, but that is okay because she is so smokin’ hot man.”
Blonde Baller: also doesn’t appreciate Spanish Fly, or her boobs: “This is not ‘Rock of Love,’ you don’t need 50 pounds of boobs to get these guys’ attention.” (Ordinarily, this brilliant insight would be the quote of the episode, but Chance is about to top it.) She goes after Chance herself. As Chance says, “She smells good.”
“Is this slut fest or the prom?” Junk wonders. Maybe she's never been to a prom, either.
At this point, Chance, in a pause during a makeout session with Blonde Baller, utters the quote of the episode, and one of the most romantic things I’ve ever heard in my life: “You got good- great hygiene; like, so good.”
In the context of a VH1 reality show, this is the highest form of praise.
Or, in other words, “Thanks for helping me get the taste of Spanish Fly out of my mouth.”
Back at the house, Wiggly comes into Real’s and Chance’s bedroom wearing a bra and thong, and carrying bottles of champagne. This is part of her plan to show them that she’s “actually a smart, down to earth girl, and if they would get to know me they would know that.” Unfortunately, she is merely displaying her desperation. This is not a John Hughes movie, Wiggly.
But Real is moved to apologize for his boorish behavior earlier in the episode, when he pretended to fall asleep during her heartfelt recitation. Wiggly confides that it actually made her cry “a little bit.”
“But I felt your poem, it was strong and it was deep,” Real says.
“And it rhymed,” Wiggly adds.
Unlike that “haiku” nonsense.
Then, Wiggly pushes too hard by trying to kiss him. Coming on a little too strong. Then, she lingers.
Poor Wiggly, trying too hard.
Next day, Real and Chance spend time with the women. Lady confides to Real that she has dated women in the past. This is a fine thing to tell a man. First of all, he appreciates the image you’ve just put in his head. Then, he wonders if you might leave him for another woman.
Mamacita comes up to their room to try to salvage her disastrous Ding Dong challenge performance. When asked if she is there for love, or just to be on tv, she replies, jokingly, “All of the above- no! I’m just kidding!”
“There’s truth in every joke,” Real observes.
“This is not a game show,” Real says. They’re there to find true love. For the second time. On television.
Mamacita, the “bucket of fun,” gets another chance. Wiggly is sent home. Real and Chance keep the woman who truthfully joked that she’s there just for the cameras, and sent away the woman who was genuinely there for Real. Let that be a lesson to you, Wiggly.
But does she get it? No. During her exit interview she states that if she had to do it all over again she would have been all up in Real’s ass, or words to that effect.
Mamacita interviews that she’s not there just for tv. “I’m scared of cameras,” she says. Then adds, laughing, “Yeah right I’m not.”
In honor of Apple, I’ve composed my own haiku. Unlike Apple’s, it contains the proper number of syllables. And, it rhymes:
Pining for you Real, or Chance
Even if she’s hot.
Mamacita isn't really scared of cameras.
Episode 2 pics source.