Why Does Ellen DeGeneres Care About My Colon?

I got an email from something called "Healthier Colon" (HealthierColonyo@interestpromo-deals.com) that has me a bit confused.



Does Ellen DeGeneres really care about the cleanliness of my colon? What happened to her American Express endorsement? Has she moved from credit cards to colon cleansing?

With a winning smile like hers, you can bet she's got a clean colon.

I do like that warning, though. It's only for use if you're serious about feeling healthier and losing weight. Luckily, I care about neither of those things, so it's deleted.

Oh, and also: Why do I have to send snail mail to unsubscribe? Really- you people want me to waste a postage stamp and give you my home address just to take my name off your annoying spam email list? Will I at least get an autographed photo of Ellen DeGeneres for my trouble?

This does give me an excuse to plug ("plug" I know being a poor choice of word when there's a "colon" involved) my other blog, the one about the hilariously demented novel that I, um, translated- Arsole Fantüme, Gentleman Immoralist. Since it's about enemas and all.