Thursday, September 24, 2009

John Edwards: Not a Hero. A Motherf*cker.

Politicians are corrupt. That is just the way they are. The system in which they operate is corrupt; they have to be corrupt, too.

But John Edwards, the hair-obsessed former presidential candidate might be the worst of them all. Remember when he was running for president, and he crafted one of the most immodest campaign ads of all time? It's worth revisiting, in light of what we now know about his infamous behavior:



The transcript is priceless:


If you're looking for heroes, don't look to me. Don't look to Elizabeth. We have support. We have health care. We have the American people behind us.

Look to them. They are the ones who we speak for. They are the ones that we stand up for.

And Elizabeth and I decided, in the quiet of a hospital room, after 12 hours of tests and after getting very bad news, what we were going to spend our lives doing, for all those that have no voice.

We're not going to quietly go away. Instead we're going to go out and fight for what it is we believe in.

It is time for our party, the Democratic Party, to show a little backbone, to have a little guts. To stand up for working men and women. If we are not their voice they will never have a voice.

I'm John Edwards and I approve this message.



Not John Edwards. FYI.

Okay, Mr. Edwards. If you insist, I won't look to you in my search for "heroes." (By the way, what do you call someone who "stands up" for "heroes," as Mr. Edwards claims to do in the sixth through eighth sentences? That's even better than being a hero!) A "hero" wouldn't exploit his wife's cancer in such a cynical way. Especially when he was having an affair with another woman.

Former U.S. Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards on Friday admitted that he had an extramarital affair.
...
Edwards, whose wife Elizabeth is suffering from incurable cancer, denied during his unsuccessful campaign for the Democratic nomination this year that he had an affair.

"You cannot beat me up more than I have already beaten up myself," the former U.S. senator from North Carolina and failed 2004 vice presidential candidate said in a statement.

It's pretty sleazy to have an affair when your wife has cancer. But the man who isn't a hero says that any judgment I make about him isn't nearly so harsh as the judgment he's made about himself. He's "beaten up" himself over it.

If you're looking for heroes, don't look to me.

Still, the affair and how it's dealt with really isn't my concern. That's a private family matter. Except that he ran for president. And lied about the affair during his run. A lot of people voted for him, thinking he was someone else.

It got worse for Mr. Edwards.

The married ex-senator from North Carolina - whose wife Elizabeth continues to battle cancer -- met with his mistress, blonde divorcée Rielle Hunter, at the Beverly Hilton on Monday night, July 21 - and the NATIONAL ENQUIRER was there! He didn't leave until early the next morning.
...
Senior NATIONAL ENQUIRER Reporter Alexander Hitchen asked Edwards why he was visiting Rielle and whether he was ready to confirm that he was the father of her baby.

Shocked to see a reporter, and without saying anything, Edwards ran up the stairs leading from the hotel basement to the lobby. But, spotting a photographer, he doubled back into the basement. As he emerged from the stairwell, reporter Butterfield questioned him about his hookup with Rielle.

Edwards did not answer and then ran into a nearby restroom. He stayed inside for about 15 minutes, refusing to answer questions from the NATIONAL ENQUIRER about what he was doing in the hotel. A group of hotel security men eventually escorted him from the men's room, while preventing the NATIONAL ENQUIRER reporters from following him out of the hotel.

If you're looking for heroes, don't look to me.

"Heroes" don't run into the bathroom when confronted by an uncomfortable situation. They bow their heads, keep walking, and say "No comment."


Rielle Hunter and child. John Edwards claims to not be a "hero," but if that kid starts flying and lifting cars above her head, no paternity test will be necessary.

He even talked a campaign operative into claiming to be the father of Rielle Hunter's child.

Former Democratic presidential hopeful John Edwards talked a campaign aide into claiming he fathered a child born to Edwards' onetime mistress, sources familiar with the issue said Monday.

Edwards admitted to his affair with Rielle Hunter in August 2008 after months of denials, but said he could not have been the father of Hunter's daughter, who was born the previous February. Former Edwards staffer Andrew Young has said he was the girl's father -- but has recanted and says he made it because he believed in Edwards, lawyers and others familiar with the matter told CNN.

Young was married with children when he claimed to have fathered Hunter's child. He never signed any affidavits or legal papers, however, and reversed his claim after Edwards, as one of the sources put it, dropped Young "like a hot potato.


Hot potato Andrew Young. Manipulated by the unheroic John Edwards into taking responsibility for fathering the child of Edwards' mistress.

And now the story has moved from The National Enquirer to the New York Times, and it's only getting worse for Mr. Edwards.

But a federal grand jury in nearby Raleigh is investigating whether any crimes were committed in connection with campaign laws in an effort to conceal his extramarital affair with a woman named Rielle Hunter. At the same time, Mr. Edwards is moving toward an abrupt reversal in his public posture; associates said in interviews that he is considering declaring that he is the father of Ms. Hunter’s 19-month-old daughter, something that he once flatly asserted in a television interview was not possible.
...
According to people familiar with the grand jury investigation, prosecutors are considering a complicated and novel legal issue: whether payments to a candidate’s mistress to ensure her silence (and thus maintain the candidate’s viability) should be considered campaign donations and thus whether they should be reported. When Mr. Edwards was running for president, and later when he still held out hope of a cabinet position in the Obama administration, two of his wealthy patrons, through a once-trusted Edwards aide, quietly provided Ms. Hunter with large financial benefits, including a new BMW and lodging, that were used to keep her out of public view.

Mr. Edwards had to use that campaign money silencing the woman with whom he was having an affair so that he could speak for those who have no voice. That is what you call ironic. Almost heroically so.

If you're looking for heroes, don't look to me.

Again- if you say so, Mr. Edwards. But it's kind of hard not to, when the man you convinced to claim paternity of your mistress's child alleges this:

Investigators are examining the benefits Ms. Hunter received from the two Edwards supporters, Fred Baron, a wealthy trial lawyer from Dallas who has since died, and Rachel Mellon, known as Bunny, a 99-year-old heiress to the Mellon fortune. Before his death, Mr. Baron said in a statement that he paid Ms. Hunter and helped move her and Mr. Young to California and other places on his own initiative, without informing Mr. Edwards. Mr. Edwards has asserted that he knew nothing of the benefits provided to Ms. Hunter by Mr. Baron or Mrs. Mellon.

In his book proposal, however, Mr. Young depicts Mr. Baron as going to great lengths to help a knowing and eager Mr. Edwards conceal from the public both his affair with Ms. Hunter and his paternity of her daughter. At one point, Mr. Young wrote, Mr. Edwards asked Mr. Baron if he could find a doctor who would falsify a DNA report.

Maybe a hero would try to falsify a DNA report, if it meant he could speak for the voiceless. That is the kind of sacrifice that heroes make. Because as you remember, Mr. Edwards was "beating up" himself over the affair. He probably "beat up" himself over this, too.

But then there's this:

In the [book] proposal, which The New York Times examined, Mr. Young says that he assisted the affair by setting up private meetings between Mr. Edwards and Ms. Hunter. He wrote that Mr. Edwards once calmed an anxious Ms. Hunter by promising her that after his wife died, he would marry her in a rooftop ceremony in New York with an appearance by the Dave Matthews Band.

If you're looking for heroes, don't look to me.

Ah, but if you're looking for a really cool guy, who's hip to what the young people are listening to (when he's not "beating up" himself), then you can look to Mr. Edwards.

Because Mr. Edwards has absolutely no credibility, and has been shown to be a lying motherf*cker at every turn, it's impossible not to believe every thing that Mr. Young says about him. There is no doubt in my mind that Mr. Edwards told Ms. Hunter that they'd be together in a beautiful rooftop ceremony with the Dave Matthews Band for crying out loud once his wife finally kicked off.

This is the guy who got his campaign aide to claim paternity of his mistress's child. The guy who ran into a bathroom and stayed there for 15 minutes while National Enquirer editors and photographers peppered him with questions from outside the door. The guy who funneled hush money from his presidential campaign fund to his mistress. (Is it possible he ran for president in 2008 for the sole reason of raising money to keep this affair quiet? Why not? I believe it!)

If you're looking for heroes, don't look to me.

You're right, John Edwards. You're not a hero. You're a motherf*cker.


Not a hero. Motherf*cker.

Not a hero pic source.
Hunter and child pic source.
Andrew Young pic source.
Superman pic source.

1 comment:

Miss Malevolent said...

Oh man, Ricky, you are constantly telling home truths...