I also parsed his sleazy "apology."
I think I did a pretty thorough job, myself. But the author of the original column doesn't think so. In an interview with Poynter Online, he says as much.
"I vehemently believe I wasn't insensitive about the fact that she was kidnapped," he said Wednesday evening while at his son's soccer practice. "I never made light about the fact that this woman was abducted. I don't think anyone can cite anything in the column that says I did."
Here's a couple of lines for you, you motherf*cker:
She was not allowed to spike a volleyball. Or pitch a softball. Or smack a forehand down the line. Or run in a 5-footer for double bogey.
Now, that's deprivation.
That is from your original column. You say, in a mere 30 words, that Jaycee Dugard, who was kidnapped and held for 18 years, and repeatedly raped by abductor, was truly deprived by not getting to "run in a 5-footer for double bogey."
If you cannot see how that "makes light of the fact that this woman was abducted," then there is no hope for you.
"I tried to incorporate some humor," Whicker said, "but I certainly don't think I mocked that woman."
Your lack of judgment makes me think you should not have a column. Why would anyone read the ramblings of such an insensitive motherf*cker? "Now that's deprivation" was his way of injecting humor into his sports column about kidnapping and rape victim ("that woman"); he wasn't mocking her.
What was he mocking? Her situation?
Oh, but Mr. Whicker the motherf*cker gets even more tone deaf:
"I'm a little saddened by the tone of some of the responses because I think it says a lot about what's out there in computer-land," Whicker said. "I've had some e-mailers say, 'Why don't you write about 9/11 while you're at it?' Another person said, 'Why don't you write about the Holocaust next?' I think that's a really obscene thing to say."
Ah, the world-weary sports columnist for a major newspaper who was only trying to write a friendly little column to help a girl who was kidnapped and raped for 18 years has been victimized by those "obscene" commenters and emailers.
It "saddens" him. Because it's the responses to his helpful column that display the true obscenity of the world. A world that is being overrun by these damned internets!
At least Whicker never mentioned 9/11 or the Holocaust.
That's how out of touch this motherf*cker is. And in case there's any confusion on the point, he drives it home for you himself:
He added that more than anything, the piece was intended to celebrate -- not mock -- Dugard's return home. "The troubling thing for me is whether this means I'm out of touch," he said. "I realize what a horrific thing [the kidnapping] was, but I thought the fact that they found her alive was good news."
Gosh, am I out of touch that I think it's a good thing that a kidnap victim has been found? After all, I'm just a weary and saddened sports columnist trying to make sense of an internet world that's just moving so darn fast these days. Maybe these young kids think it's a bad thing that this poor girl was rescued.
He can't really believe that, can he? He can't really be that big a motherf*cker.
But what I was really curious about was, Where was the editor? You know how important editors are- it's why the newspapers are so much better than just somebody in his or her pajamas blogging.
This is the really important part of the story.
Assistant Sports Editor Todd Harmonson said in a phone interview Wednesday that someone else filled in for him in editing the column because he was off, though he declined to say who. The column went through both a content and copy edit.
The assistant sports editor was off work (I believe it was Labor Day weekend, and the news, including the sports news, stops Labor Day weekend), so some mystery person filled in. The column was then subjected to a rigorous content and copy edit.
That is two edits!
It doesn't say if these two edits were done by the same person, or two different people- it doesn't say even if these "edits" were done by anyone other than Mark Whicker himself. Read the paragraph again. The assistant sports editor begins by disavowing any responsibility for the column. He then offers a non-sequitur about two different edits.
In other words, we still don't know anything about how the column actually got out.
Except that the author, Mark Whicker, is still a motherf*cker.