Sunday, September 6, 2009

How The Shakespeare Fanboys Are Much Worse than the Comic Book Fanboys

Nay, I will; that's flat:
He said he would not ransom Mortimer;
Forbad my tongue to speak of Mortimer;
But I will find him when he lies asleep,
And in his ear I'll holla 'Mortimer!'
I'll have a starling shall be taught to speak
Nothing but 'Mortimer,' and give it him
To keep his anger still in motion.

Henry IV, part 1 Act 1, Scene 3

When you read the poetry quoted above, are you in any way inspired? Do you look at that and think, Damn, that is some fine poetry right there! What a way to illustrate your deep desire to inspire annoyance. By teaching a starling to repeat the irritating and verboten name, over and over again. "Mortimer" is the irritating rightful heir. "Mortimer" spoken by a starling- that will drive one over the edge!

According to this article from the AP, that passage quoted above inspired some group of Shakespeare-loving boobs to release 100 starlings in Central Park in "the early 1890s" (that's some good reporting right there) because they were

a group dedicated to bringing to America every bird ever mentioned by Shakespeare.

Starlings are a menace.

Do you ever come into contact with "Trekkers"? How about "Star Wars" fanatics? Comic book fanboys? Rotten Tomatobots? Do you ever listen to them pontificate on the occupation of Bajor, or how Jar Jar Binks just ruined "The Phantom Menace" and probably the entire series, or argue about how much of the pre-Crisis universe is apocryphal, or how if a film critic hates the latest "Star Trek" film he should be executed, and think, "Come on, buddy, why not get some perspective and stop being so insane about your love of [whatever it is]?"

Well, now you can replace that thought with, "At least they're not as bad as those Shakespeare zealots who released starlings in Central Park."

Because the starlings have done more damage than any extended message board argument over whether the Marvel Universe is better than the DC Universe ever did.

Some 200 million shiny black European starlings crowd North America, from the cool climes of Alaska to the balmy reaches of Mexico's Baja peninsula. The enormous flocks endanger air travel, mob cattle operations, chase off native songbirds, roost on city blocks, leaving behind corrosive, foul-smelling droppings and hundreds of millions of dollars of damage each year.

Shakespeare fans are the real menace! Out, damned Shakespeare fans- make room for the fanboys!

marvel vs dc Pictures, Images and Photos
Starlings have done more damage than all the "DC vs Marvel" arguments combined.

Starlings pic source.
Marvel Vs DC pic source.

1 comment:

A.Jaye said...

Why is She-Hulk squaring off to Wonder Woman in that picture? Wonder Woman would kill her.

Especially if she was played by Megan Fox.