Thursday, September 17, 2009

Project Runway 6 Episode 5: Utterly Preposterous Spewing of Fiction

Tonight’s episode of Project Runway took Poodle Bitch back to her days as a Poodle Pup, living in that small apartment on beautiful Cahuenga Blvd. She did not care to go for walks in the evening, and so she was paper-trained. Tonight, the designers had to create garments using newspaper.

Poodle Bitch finds that a bit silly- the paper is for dog dirt, not for high fashion.

But before the designers were given their rather silly assignment, the poodle companion Irina, Poodle Bitch’s unabashed favorite, perfectly expressed Poodle Bitch’s sentiments regarding Althea’s questionably winning garment from last week. “I was in utter shock,” she said. (Poodle Bitch would like to tell Irina that she should not be shocked by anything the judges decide, given the fact that Mitchell lasted into the third episode.) “I’ll be the first one to congratulate anyone that wins, if I feel like it was well-earned. And that wasn’t.”

Is it any wonder that Poodle Bitch loves the poodle companion Irina?

Poodle Bitch could not agree more. Irina’s, Louise’s, and Epperson’s garments were all far superior.

Nicolas however is incurring Poodle Bitch’s ire by interviewing that Irina is “slowly creeping up [his] list” of unworthies, along with Johnny.

Nicolas: Poodle Bitch cannot remember a single garment you’ve designed. Your opinion is as irrelevant as you are.

Do you have a poodle, Nicolas? Then Poodle Bitch would like to respectfully suggest that you lick yourself.

The delightful Tim Gunn takes the designers to the Los Angeles Times, that coupon distribution pamphlet that Poodle Bitch remembers so fondly from her days in the Cahuenga apartment. He leads them to the printing press, where they are introduced to Booth Moore, LA Times Fashion critic. She tells the designers they will use actual newspaper pages in the creation of their garments.

Poodle Bitch supposes that, given the declining circulation numbers for printed newspapers, this is a rather desperate grab at sales.

Nicolas interviews that he is “speechless” at the prospect of using newspapers for fabric. Poodle Bitch would like to ask him why he could not have been “speechless” when he was expressing his pathetic opinion of her favorite designer Irina, and, she would further like to ask him what he expected from “Project Runway”?

These types of “challenges” are typical. If you’re rendered “speechless” before you’ve even begun creating your garment, then maybe you should sew your mouth shut regarding the other designers.

It is only too bad that no one bit Nicolas during the three minutes the designers were given to gather newspaper. Only Poodle Bitch’s favorite designer, Irina, remains calm and cool. “What are you guys doing?” she wonders. “You’re dressing a human, not an elephant.”

Poodle Bitch again finds herself in agreement, although she does wish that the designers had to create something for a poodle. Specifically, a Poodle Bitch.

Back at the Fashion Institute, Mr. Gunn gives the viewers a helpful history of paper clothing. Poodle Bitch was unaware that the first paper dress was created in 1968. She also didn’t realize that it caused, in Mr. Gunn’s inimitable phrasing, “quite a fervor.”

Althea says that working with paper is like “starting at the bottom.” Given Althea’s previous design efforts, Poodle Bitch would tend to agree with her.

Nicolas fears he will be going home. “I seriously have no idea what I’m doing,” he interviews. Again, Poodle Bitch agrees. He hasn’t had much in the way of ideas all season long.

Irina, true to her nature, is cool and collected. “I’m going to mix materials, and colors, and sort of really make it look like fabric,” she says, sensibly. “It doesn’t have to look like newspaper.”

The others could learn from her.

Shirin shellacks. This apparently causes the others consternation. She’s also quite loquacious and expressive, and if Poodle Bitch didn’t already back Irina, she would happily back this charming young woman.

Poodle Bitch very much likes the fun, whimsical and just-kooky-enough-to-be-charming-but-not-enough-to-be-annoying Shirin.

Giordana wants to create a political statement, but Poodle Bitch is happy to see Mr. Gunn provide her with his usual sensible and insightful encouragement. There is no need to be quite so glum, and quite so stern, despite her accent.

Mr. Gunn tells Althea he is “disappointed” in what she’s creating. Poodle Bitch wonders how he could be disappointed in someone who consistently creates sloppy and unmemorable garments.

Johnny’s “craft project gone awry” makes Mr. Gunn “woeful.” To Poodle Bitch, this is just further evidence that no one on television is more insightful, nor more clever, nor is blessed with a better vocabulary, than Mr. Gunn. She could listen to him expound on any topic, at any time.

Poodle Bitch would love to hear him tell her bedtime stories. She would not even crawl under the bed until he was finished.

“It looks like a bunch of kindergartners did it,” Mr. Gunn concludes. Johnny crumples his dress and starts over.

Mr. Gunn is such a gentleman that he does not even kick Nicolas in the shin when advising him. He tells him that he thinks Nicolas has a great trajectory going. Poodle Bitch would point out that trajectory means nothing if the ultimate destination is… whatever Nicolas is designing.

“The nineties… the millennium version of punk rock,” Nicolas says. Poodle Bitch is already bored with his design. “Punk rock”? Really?

Johnny apparently took Mr. Gunn’s advice so hard that he has given up and is doing crossword puzzles. An iron sputtered and ruined his garment, he claims. No one believes him. Poodle Bitch remembers that this is the same man who threatened to quit on the first episode.

Ironically, he interviews, “I don’t really care what the other designers think of me. I don’t give a damn. Get over it.” Poodle Bitch would give him the same advice. Stop doing crossword puzzles and “get over it.”

And how ridiculous is Althea? “I can’t tell if Irina’s is good or not,” she confides to Ra’mon. Poodle Bitch cares not for people who need to be told what to think. Should she like it? Should she not? Is it good? Ra’mon, what do you think?

Once again, Michael Kors is absent. This week, in his place is Tommy Hilfiger. Zoe Glassner from Marie Claire is filling in for Nina Garcia, and Eva Longoria Parker, who is an actress on a show that Poodle Bitch does not watch.

Ra’mon’s design is very good. Shirin’s is whimsical and fun. Christopher’s was impressive. And of course, Irina’s crinkle trenchcoat is fashionable, couture, and simple in a pleasing way. Once again, she is Poodle Bitch’s favorite. The rest were unimpressive.

Althea’s unmoving design is chosen as a favorite. The judges are blind- that is the only way that Poodle Bitch can explain their love of Althea’s work.

Happily, Irina’s coat is selected as a favorite. Finally, Irina takes her rightful place at the top. Tommy Hilfiger pays her the ultimate compliment when he tells her it is “the new alternative to fur- newspaper.”

Poodle Bitch says that should get Irina the win right there.

Johnny makes excuses for his pathetic dress, then says “I’m not making excuses.” Again, with the sputtering iron. “The other dress was hardcore… it was Dior.”

“It was a red mess,” Nicolas says. Poodle Bitch agrees with Nicolas, as much as it pains her to admit.

The judges say that Nicolas’s dress looks like an insect.

The judges love Christopher’s creative, sexy, glamorous dress. “If you squint, it looks like feathers,” says Eva Longoria etc. Poodle Bitch wonders why you would want to squint when looking at a nice dress.

Poodle Bitch is very happy that Irina’s “originality and risk-taking” (according to Ms. Heidi Klum herself) earned her a win. Finally, the judges have removed their blinders and seen for themselves what Poodle Bitch is happy to say she’s seen from the beginning—

That the poodle companion Irina is the designer to beat this season. She has the taste and refinement that only a poodle companion can possess. She has the skill to give life to that taste and refinement. She has the creativity to match the skill.

“I finally won; it’s past due, I feel like,” she interviews.

Poodle Bitch agrees, and congratulates her on her well-deserved win.

She says so long to Johnny and his sputtering iron. Poodle Bitch does not believe he wanted to be there, anyway.

But she must say that she is astonished to hear Mr. Gunn call Johnny out on his "sputtering iron."

"I am incredulous at that utterly preposterous spewing of fiction that Johnny did on the runway. It was ridiculous."

Poodle Bitch cannot imagine what it would be like to be called out in such a way by the elegant and gentlemanly Tim Gunn. But she must admit that Johnny deserved it.

Poodle Bitch believes that no one should lie in the presence of the honest gentleman Tim Gunn, a man of rare integrity.

Poodle Bitch's blog can be found here.

Shirin picture source.
Irina picture source.
Tim Gunn picture source.


shampoo said...

I was surprised giordana's dress rated as low as it did. when tara walked, the ruffles moved.

I didn't like nicholas's and johhny's dresses, but johnny was the person who deserved to be cut. what with his silly lies and the fact he can't stay on task... he didn't need to be there any more.

I thought poodle bitch would be quite pleased that irina won. :)

I think the people who became annoyed with shirin were mostly angry that she was moving along with her plan while they still had no idea what to do. why they would blame her for that, I have no idea.

Poodle Bitch said...

Poodle Bitch is surprised- although she is not sure exactly why- at the level of petty jealousy exhibited by some of the designers. This was exacerbated by the fact that they seemed to be completely befuddled by the concept of the challenge.

Poodle Bitch felt it was a bit on the silly side, but she must admit that is one of the reasons she so enjoys the program.

This episode had two absolutely delightful moments for Poodle Bitch. Of course she was happy that Irina got a well-deserved victory. But she was also shocked to the point of nervous giggles over the gentleman Tim Gunn's reaction to Johnny's "I'm not making excuses" excuses.

To Poodle Bitch, this was the best episode of the season- it was the television equivalent of a tomato slice before bedtime.

shampoo said...

the pettiness surprises me, too. what purpose does it serve? of course, they have just started one day challenges, so maybe it's due to lack of sleep.

if I was going on project runway, i'd practice before I went to film the show by doing past challenges. so when the inevitable "sewing a fabric substitute" challenge came along, i'd have some idea where to begin. I think some of the designers on the season christian won had done that.

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