Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Real Chance of Love 2 Episode 6: Really, Who Cares?

Last week, out of respect for Labor Day, the women of Real Chance 2 were given time off to spend with their families, doing bikini grilling and watching that bulls hit “Policewomen of Broward County” marathon. This week, however, they were back in action, doing whatever is necessary to "win their man."

The controversy is now over Mamacita. Real snatched that woman right out from under his brother, and Chance is clearly irritated. “Hey, girl, you done turned on me!” Chance calls out, with a note of tender pain in his voice. “Mama-mamacita!”

Classy: “You definitely made the right choice. If you’re looking for, like, someone who’s genuine and real, then you definitely wanna be with Real.” That makes sense. Real is the real one. You’d be taking a chance on Chance.

But Mamacita’s confused. She interviews: “I’m on Real’s team. And I feel kinda odd.”

Wait a minute- NOW you feel odd, Mamacita?

She continues: “I feel outta place. It’s just that- I feel I don’t belong.”

Moving from one sibling to another is bound to cause some psychic discomfiture. Trust me, you get over it really quick if the sex is good.

Mamacita is worried because she thinks Real doesn’t like “big boobies.” He explains that he gave her the chain because he wants to get to know her. And, her enormous breasts. It’s a touching scene, but unfortunately there’s no actual touching.

“Thank you Real, you’re such a sweetheart.”

Real, do you not like my large, supple breasts?

Now, in the kitchen, PS is flirting with Chance. She’s a flip-flopper, according to Sassy. PS is so bitter she chases Sassy outside to shout at her, and blow cigarette smoke in her face. When Real comes out to comfort her, she tells him, “I just can’t deal with ghetto-ass people like that. If that’s what you want, go get it!”

Real: “Listen to me. Don’t let anyone make you go outside your own character.”

Where has Real been? PS is an obnoxious loudmouth ghetto-ass jerk. She comes from a rich family, and doesn’t usually have to put with such nonsense. As she walks away from Real, she glances over her shoulder and tells him to “straighten [Sassy’s] little ghetto-ass out.”

Is PS the one to help Sassy get over her "ghetto" tendencies? Or is it PS who needs the etiquette lessons?

Real and his hair stylist Jovana created a hair care system called Real Silk. Do you get it? He’s called “Real,” and his hair is long and silky.

Chance has something called Pure Chance moisturizer. Did you get that? His name is Chance, and his product is, well, uh, PURE. Real says they want a woman who’s going to support their business ventures (no matter how hair-brained), and be a part of their success (even if it does turn out to be just pure chance). So the challenge is for the women to create an infomercial. Real Women vs Chance Women.

We get it, Real. You have great hair. There's no need to rub your nose in it.

Perhaps one of these women could become Billy Mays’s replacement on the second season of Pitchmen?

Blonde Baller is worried about her team. They only have an hour which is, she claims, “not enough time when you’re working with brain-dead strippers.” And one of them does mention something about Chance’s cream having “no artificial insemination,” although I couldn’t catch which one it was.

The Real Women are actually making some effort to target an urban audience, and divvying up their tasks appropriately. Unfortunately, they are taking it so seriously that Mamacita just isn’t having any fun, so she wanders off to take a nap.

PS is still confident when the teams make it to the studio. “It’s the strippers versus the professionals, so, we got this,” she interviews. I am unclear on this point: Is she saying her team is a bunch of prostitutes?

Hot Wings, who has been appointed host of the Chance infomercial, interviews: “Trying to read and host is like trying to be the president of the United States.” According to some people, she’s not that far off. Someone should get her a teleprompter.

Classy and Mamacita act as cohosts, and it puts Hot Wings to shame. Mamacita, you will remember, told Real and Chance (jokingly, of course) that she was only on the show because she wanted to be on TV- not for love.

The judge is Tony Little, that irritating little man with long curly hair who berates people from athletic equipment.


Yeah, that guy.

Tony Little Geico fake-out commercial.

Hot Wings makes a command decision to “be more like him.” Loud and obnoxious. Doll thinks the same thing, but the term she uses is “energy.” Tony Little wants “energy.”

Chance is impressed: “Hot Wings has a mouth piece on her,” he interviews.

The Real Women get to watch from the green room. Should give them an unfair advantage. But then, Mamacita takes a few moments to remember her name during the introductions.

She is still feeling confused over the fact that she was a Chance Woman, and is now with Real. She just can’t remember her own identity anymore. Plus, I think she might be a little touched in the head.

Chance: “I think Real’s girls- they’re great. Oh, no they’re not, they’re terrible. I’m trippin’.” Real can only purse his lips and roll his eyes. He has no argument in their favor. His women are doing a terrible job.


Until Doll came out and talked about how great the product was for preventing frizz or something.

But otherwise, “Your pitch had your boys sleepin’,” as Real interviews. No question that the Chance Women were declared the winners.

PS can’t let it go. “It was two totally different,” she says. She refers to her rivals’ presentation as “ghetto,” while referring to the Real Women’s presentation as “more like ‘The View.’”

For me, I will take “ghetto” over “The View” any day. I would have eliminated her on the spot. But Real doesn’t play it like that. He’s more of a gentleman than I.

Anyway, the Chance Women win a date with both Real and Chance. I’m not sure why it is that Chance would want his woman-steeling brother rolling with him and his women on their date to the club- the only club in LA where they play Stallionaire music.

If you had a date with several hot women, would you bring your brother along?

Hot Wings, who had been so excited about finally winning a date, stands in the corner and mopes.

Back at the house, Mamacita wants to be a Chance Woman again- but she is afraid Real and Chance might see her as a skank if she goes back to Chance. That is one of the most touching sentiments ever expressed on this show.

Don’t worry, Mamacita. No one thinks you’re a skank. We all know you’re only there because you want to be on TV.

PS interviews that she has had enough of Sassy. “Either she stays, or I go; there’s no two-ways about it.”

I’m still trying to parse that sentence. She implies there are two choices. Either (1) Sassy stays in the house, or (2) PS leaves the house. PS seems to be saying she wants Sassy to stay, while she herself leaves. Unless I am just so overwhelmed by PS’s mystery logic, and she’s working on some other level completely, like Stephen Hawking, I just don’t understand what the hell kind of point she’s trying to make.

I might be too “ghetto” to figure it out.

Chance brings his tattoo guy to tattoo “his women.” Baker gets the word “Stallionette” tattooed under her right arm, in letters that seem to measure about three inches high. It is terrible and sad. Spanish Fly gets a tattoo of a horseshoe, and spends some interview time rationalizing it. “I’m just getting that much closer to being with Chance,” she says.

Blonde Baller doesn’t fall for any of it. No doubt remembering Heather from Rock of Love, she thinks it’s “stupid.” And she’s right.

Baker's "Stallionette" tattoo. Couldn't she have shown her devotion by purchasing their hair and skin care products?

But what other reminders of their television experience are they going to have? Burning sensations when they urinate?

Chance whines like a baby while getting his tat, and Mamacita distracts him by flirting with him, much to Real’s chagrin. Later, Sassy reveals to Real that PS was flirty with Chance in the kitchen. Real is of course hurt by this.

Real goes to PS- she wants out; she can’t handle the stress. Usually, she doesn’t put herself in stressful situations. And she doesn’t like Sassy.

“Either she goes, or I go,” PS says, which makes more sense than, “Either she stays, or I go; there’s no two-ways about it.”

During the elimination, PS tells Real she wants she leave. The house is making her into something she’s not. I certainly hope so. I hope that’s the case with every single one of these people. I hope they’re all reasonable, intelligent, and capable of genuine feeling.

Real tells her that he didn’t have a chain for her anyway. He says that she offended him with her repeated use of the term “ghetto.”

With that over, Real “gives” Mamacita back to his brother. “How can I deprive the heart from where the heart lies,” he reasons. “Mamacita, go home.”

Not sure how much more of this I can take.

Pic sources.


A.Jaye said...

Your doing a great job.

Poor Mamacita - aint she the bird who had her stripper pimp rob her of her dollar dollar bills?

Chance would be too drunk to do that.

shampoo said...

stuart brassel was just on "issues with jane velez-mitchell" on hln. they were talking about ryan jenkins (which stuart was not blamed for casting) and the shows in general. she said vh1's top five shows all had "love" in the title, otherwise her usual bs. I hope she hasn't become the go-to person for interviews about reality shows.

Ricky Sprague said...

shampoo, thanks for the head's up. Stuart Brazell is probably the perfect choice as a to-to for these shows- she's telegenic and venal.

I'll have to take a look at the transcript of this thing. This is the first I've ever heard of "issues with jane velez-mitchell".

AJaye, thanks for the encouragement. To be honest, this was a real chore this week.

shampoo said...

good point about stuart. maybe this "issues with jane velez-mitchell" is a new show? it features much confused yelling.

shampoo said...

btw, the screencap of real sniffing his hair is hilarious.