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Poodle Bitch today knows true happiness, and the satisfaction that can only come from seeing true justice served on a reality television competition. This week’s seventh episode of “Project Runway” has truly given Poodle Bitch something to smile about.
She will resist the temptation to spoil the episode upfront, and will instead plow into her description of the episode.
It begins with Gordana inaccurately stating that all remaining designers deserve to be here. The irony, of course, is that Gordana herself does not deserve to be there. In Poodle Bitch’s estimation it is the poodle companion Irina, the whimsical Shirin, and the dignified Epperson who most deserve to be there. Beyond those three, Poodle Bitch has seen little to excite her.
Logan moves in with Nicolas, Christopher, and Epperson, and “the four boys” make a pact to try to get rid of “the girls." Talentless Nicolas jokes that they’re targeting Shirin. Poodle Bitch does not believe that Shirin has anything to fear from Nicolas.
Unfortunately, Nicolas has immunity this week, after his undeserved “win” last week.
This week, Althea designed something for the trampy businesswoman who wants easy access for a quick nooner during her lunch break. Poodle Bitch is appalled.
Martine Reardon, from Macy’s, tells the designers that their challenge is to create two designs that will be appropriate for the Macy’s “Inc” line. The winner will be commissioned by Macy’s to create a holiday dress that will be sold by Macy’s online.
Mr. Gunn tells the designers that they will be working in teams of two- each designer will get 15 minutes to create a pitch for Ms. Reardon. Her choices for five best will be team leaders, and will choose from the also-rans who will work under them.
Carol Hannah, who in the first episode claimed to create fashions for woodland sprites, interviews that she feels she has a good chance of winning this challenge because she’s so “down to earth about fashion.” She understands the typical Macy’s shopper, she “can see what they’re looking for.”
Poodle Bitch has only once been to Macy’s, when she was temping for a seeing eye dog, but if Carol Hannah is in touch with the typical Macy’s shopper, Poodle Bitch has little incentive to return.
Louise is surprised by how subdued the Inc line is. Her plan of creating something more outrageous will have to wait.
Ms. Reardon displays good taste by selecting poodle companion Irina as the first team captain. No surprise that Irina created the best pitch, and got the first selection.
With her second choice, Ms. Reardon displays an erratic nature, by choosing Irina’s nemesis, the lackluster and dull Althea. Althea interviews how wonderful it is for her to be chosen as “the boss” for yet another team challenge. Poodle Bitch would advise her not to let it go to her head; she is still a terrible designer.
Ms. Reardon’s third choice shows her to be almost worrisomely bizarre, when she selects the woodland sprite girl Carol Hannah. Apparently she is in touch with the typical Macy’s shopper.
Ms. Reardon seems to be on firmer ground, to Poodle Bitch’s estimation, with her fourth choice, Christopher.
Christopher's "disco pumpkin." Poodle Bitch can easily imagine that phrase entering the vernacular of the club scene. She hears that the Scissor Sisters are already working on a song with that title.
Fifth is Louise. That gets a “wow” out of Mr. Gunn. Poodle Bitch wonders if the comment was for Louise specifically, or for the fact that only one of the four team captains was truly worthy of the honor bestowed upon them?
Althea selects Logan; Christopher takes Epperson; Louise suffers a lapse in judgment and selects Nicolas,; Irina, troublingly, cannot decide between Gordana and Shirin, and asks them to decide. Being no dummy, Gordana says, “I like (to) work with you,” and a team is formed; Carol Hannah is therefore left with Shirin. There is no way that Shirin should have been chosen last. Poodle Bitch has a hard time believing that Shirin did not also present one of the five best designs. Poodle Bitch wonders about Ms. Reardon’s eye.
Poodle Bitch must say she is disappointed by Irina’s indecision. At mood, she seems to let Gordana get the best of her, while the partner she should have had, Shirin, is footloose and fancy free with the woodland sprite girl.
At least she didn’t forget her money and drawing, as Louise did.
Woodland sprite girl is worried about delegating the work. Along those same lines, Irina interviews that team challenges are aggravating, because she has to do her portion of the work, and look over the other person’s shoulder. Poodle Bitch is starting to worry that the show is being edited in such a way as to prepare for an Irina exit.
Nicolas complains to Althea about Louise’s design. But he does like her bird noises. Louise seems to have waited until very late in the game, or the producers decided to wait until now to show us, just how “quirky” she really is. Yes, Louise makes bird noises when she works, along with a few others that Poodle Bitch found indecipherable. Perhaps she was mimicking the sounds of a disappointed sewing machine- one that is not employed in the creation of garments by the lovely poodle companion Irina?
Epperson tells Christopher that, unlike his previous team challenge, he actually respects his partner. Christopher is incorporating Epperson’s ideas into the design. “It’s us,” he says. Now, of course, Poodle Bitch is starting to worry about Christopher and Epperson.
Mr. Gunn doesn’t like leggings, as he tells team woodland sprite. Yet he concedes that the team’s designs have the potential to knock people’s socks off.
He is concerned about the ruffle on Louise’s dress. He trusts them to catch anything that goes awry.
He likes Althea’s unstereotypical woman’s suit.
He exposes fissures in the team of Irina and Gordana.
He loves Christopher’s shirt dress, except for the textiles. It shows a lot of “potential for reinvention.” Naturally, Christopher and Epperson are over the moon about the compliment.
Irina worries that Gordana’s dress is “sort of a disaster.”
Nicolas complains that “ruffles make me sick.” They were created to hide flaws, he says. Poodle Bitch must grudgingly admit that she agrees with him, to a certain extent. She is not made ill by ruffles, but she is not a designer. Perhaps if she were, she would feel more strongly about them.
She feels very strongly about black olives.
Woodland sprite has a “mini freak out” in her head. She apparently does that every night. Irina says their stuff looks like “it was like bought in a discount store.” Poodle Bitch would not be quite so harsh in her assessment; but, the designs do not compare favorably with Irina’s.
Poodle Bitch is curious as to just how much Shirin did to make Team Woodland Sprite's designs so palatable to her. She finds it difficult to believe that Carol Hannah could have come up with clothing that did not thoroughly irritate Poodle Bitch's sensibilities.
Next day, Irina interviews that she is not nervous. Yet, her dress makes her feel sad, because of the blue.
Gordana is frustrated by what she terms a “lack of direction” from Irina. This is not good. Poodle Bitch is again feeling nervous about Irina’s chances.
Christopher believes his is “the dream team.” Nicolas is glad he has immunity.
Poodle Bitch is quite happy to see that Michael Kors is back. Zanna Roberts, senior fashion editor for Marie Claire magazine is sitting in for the sadly absent Nina Garcia, and Martine Reardon is the last other judge.
Heidi says “one or more will be out.” The contestants give one another ominous, portentous looks. Will two of them be going home? Three? If they sent home everyone who didn’t “deserve to be there,” then, at least according to Gordana, none of them will be going home.
Irina is content, and Gordana confident, with their designs.
Irina's beautiful dress. What is there to say other than, Poodle Bitch wishes she were human, if only for five minutes, so that she could luxuriate in it? As it is, she would be happy to lay upon it, on her pillow under the bed.
Logan’s and Althea’s skirt keeps riding up the model’s legs. It is the first interesting thing that either of them has been involved with on the show.
The rest of the designs are rather unmemorable, Poodle Bitch has to say. At least, she can’t remember any of them.
Irina and Gordana, and Woodland Sprite and Shirin, have the highest scores. Poodle Bitch is relieved and delighted.
Irina tells the judges that she wanted Gordana to come out of her shell more. Gordana is a designer, and she should take Irina’s “lack of direction” as a compliment. Irina did not believe that Gordana needed a lot of direction. Heidi tells Irina that she would wear her dress today. “You actually gave us a pattern,” Michael Kors says.
The judges are complimentary to the team woodland sprite designs as well, but Poodle Bitch is too happy to hear Irina’s compliments to pay them much attention.
As for the lowest scores, Louise and Nicolas leave the judges confused. The ruffles are very overstated. “This looks like a bride’s maid’s dress with a shower loofah rouched up the front of it,” Michael Kors says. “No modern girl wants to wear that dress.”
Heidi tells Nicolas he’s lucky he has immunity.
Heidi is blown away by what Epperson and Christopher put together. This is not a compliment. Part of his dress looks like it has a bib at the top. The shirtdress, the one that Mr. Gunn said had the potential to be reinventive, looks like a librarian’s shirt dress from 1979, according to Mr. Kors. “It looks like a tablecloth.” The other is a “teal, charmuse disco pumpkin… Did you really think they went together? They don’t.”
Christopher starts to cry. But it is too difficult to feel sorry for him, for-
Irina wins! Poodle Bitch could not be happier. Once again, for some reason, the judges made the proper decision. (Could it be because Michael Kors has returned? No- Poodle Bitch seems to recall that he was around during at least one of the weeks when Mitchell was retained.) Poodle Bitch is pleased.
Poodle companion Irina and the dress she designed for Macy's Inc line.
Louise and Christopher are in the bottom two. Heidi informs them “one, or both of you, will be out.” She then witheringly puts them in their place. She uses language that is so brutal that Poodle Bitch is surprised that either of them is able to remain standing.
Unsurprisingly, Louise is out. Also unsurprisingly, Christopher remains to design another day. Did they really think we would fall for that “one or more of you will be out” statement?
Poodle Bitch wonders if Louise's design was so much worse than the stripper chic Althea sent tramping down the runway?
Irina and Inc dress photograph source.
Design photographs source.