Thursday, October 22, 2009

Um, Yeah-- David Letterman Sex Tape (Question Mark?)

The National Enquirer is reporting that there might be a David Letterman "sex tape," of a sort-- captured by a surveillance camera in the Ed Sullivan Theater, where Letterman's "Late Show" films.

A studio surveillance tape reportedly caught the 62-year-old star and a much-younger female co-worker in a compromising position - and it could shatter Letterman's already troubled marriage, say sources.

You will recall that Letterman supposedly has a secret love nest inside the theater. I do not understand. Did he not realize there were security cameras in his secret bedroom? Or could he just not wait to get his co-worker into the secret bedroom? Was his ardor that undeniably strong?

Overwhelming ardor: Was an uncontrollable desire for the taste of female flesh to blame for David Letterman's (allegedly) being caught on surveillance tape engaged in amorous activities? Short answer: Probably.

In answer to my first question, the Enquirer's source said:

"Dave apparently didn't know the location of the security cameras at his Late Show studio."

I guess so! The source also said:

"It's one thing for him to have publicly admitted to having had sexual relations with some women on his staff. It's another to see him in the throes of passion with one of those women."

I for one am not interested in seeing any celebrity sex tapes. There are plenty of non-celebrity sex tapes available on the internet for easy perusal. Actually, if there were a Flannery O'Connor sex film, I would probably watch that. Back in college, I had a strange crush on her. I might check out a Samuel Johnson sex tape, as well. (No, I never had a crush on him, I'm just curious about how they had sex during the mid to late 1700s. Did they do it the same way? Have the same moves? Aren't you even a little bit curious about that?) Obviously, the chances of those happening hinge on the theoretically impossible concept of time travel, but I'm digressing here.

I actually wouldn't mind hearing an audio of David Letterman's amorous adventures. What is his "dirty talk" like? "As is so often the case, I would like to, uh, yeah, put it to you, if you don't mind having some goon put it to you... Oh, you would, would you? I am delighted to hear you say that. My response to that is, It warms my heart to hear you say that."

Or something. I'm just guessing. Interestingly, and as Mediaite has pointed out, this story from the Enquirer has made it to the front page of the Huffington Post. After all, they were right about for presidential candidate and motherf*cker John Edwards:

David Letterman appears to be reaping the rewards of the [National Enquirer]’s newfound respect — or perhaps fear factor is a better way to phrase it. No one wants to miss a story as big as John Edwards ever again, because they’ve mistakenly relegated the Enquirer to the supermarket tabloid pile.

Here is the link to the Huffington Post link to the Enquirer article. The comments at the Huffington Post are rather amusing-- most of them are of the "I-don't-care" variety. I always find it funny when someone bothers to log in and type a comment expressing their lack of interest in a story.

I find it ironic.

My former literary crush: I've gotten over it, but I had a pretty serious crush on Flannery O'Connor when I was a kid. Seriously, who wouldn't want some of that action?

Letterman pic source.
Flannery O'Connor pic source.


shampoo said...

I don't get the caught on tape thing, celebrities or otherwise. granted, I am one of the few non-pr0n users on the internets. but there are plenty of pr0n options with willing (well, that's debatable, so let's say paid) participants. they've probably even done some that mimic the candid/caught unawares type.

there are people I don't ever, ever want to see in the "throes of passion" and letterman is one of them. gag. would it have killed someone to have discreetly let him know he was getting filmed? how many filmed incidents would his wife's lawyers even want or need (if she's divorcing him)?

as long as the other participant was of legal age, gave consent, and was not coerced this whole thing seems to concern only a very few people's personal lives. even if he hooked up with mary carey or jenna jameson, those women are allowed personal lives.

Anonymous said...

Samuel Johnson sex tape. Ha!