Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Dear Domino's: Fire Whoever is Doing Your Commercials, and Hire Me

Domino's has a new commercial out in which they show people complaining about how bad their pizza used to be, and how they've listened, changed their pizza, and everything is great again.

For a pizza joint, it’s a bold move to tell customers your crust tasted like cardboard and your sauce was like ketchup.

But that’s just what Domino’s Pizza Inc. has been saying since last month in untraditional ads about the recipes it abandoned when it launched its reformulated pizza.

As industry observers scratch their heads, the company’s incoming CEO said the chain had no choice but to be honest about its old recipe pizza if it had any hope of winning back customers.

The long version of that ad can be found here:

Fine, points for honesty, I guess. But come on-- this is Domino's Pizza. These are the guys whose advertising brought us one of the great, creepy commercial characters of all time...

The Noid.

I expect more from them in their commercials. Especially when they're trying to "reboot" themselves. Here is what they should have done. Create a sequel to this commercial from circa 1987:

In this new commercial, the Noid would actually break through that "dome of quality," and pee all over the pizza, thus causing the crust to taste of cardboard and the sauce to taste of ketchup. I have photoshopped up a proof of concept:

This goes on for maybe twenty years, or for however long Domino's is supposed to have been terrible, with the Noid peeing on Domino's pizzas just as they leave the store. This would be a way of acknowledging that their pizza was terrible, while at the same time relieving them of some of the responsibility. But at the same time, at least subconsciously, the viewer would know that Domino's actually created the Noid, so they do in fact bear some responsibility.

It would be very PoMo.

Maybe the camera could pan across this sort of dystopian nightmare world with burned out buildings and stripped cars. Domino's delivery driver's fear to make deliveries. Then finally the new Domino's CEO comes in and stomps all over the Noid, crushing him. And he says something like, "The Noid is gone forever! Our pizza is once again delicious!"

And then a rainbow appears in the sky. See that could have been their commercial. I bet they're really kicking themselves right now.

Original Noid pic source.
Original pizza slice pic source.


shampoo said...

I was wondering why dominos commercials suddenly started featuring chefs... so, a new ceo... hm...

oh well, there's no dominos near me anyway.

A.Jaye said...

How's this for an advert?

They deliver to a bunch of Avatars on their naff planet?

Fat Avatars.

Ricky Sprague said...

Ah, but AJaye, Avatar has a deal with McDonald's.

But how much more interesting would that movie have been if, instead of marines destroying their planet, it had been an army of Noids?

shampoo said...

noids could bring the avatars some only o.k. if you're really hungry pizza.