Monday, March 8, 2010

Perverted Movie Classic: The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer

I have always had a taste for the more-- shall we say-- spicy entertainments. And as I've aged, this taste has only intensified. Now, as a chronological adult, I find that only the most perverted films can fully capture my attention.

I am happy to say that tomorrow at 4 pm, Turner Classic Movies will be screening just such a perverted classic. The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer.

This wonderful piece of perversion features the very dapper and charming Cary Grant as an artist who gives a lecture at a high school in Los Angeles where Shirley Temple is a student. As you might expect, the 17 year old Ms. Temple falls head over heels for Mr. Grant, who's at least twice as old as her, probably even more. He is really old. But dapper. No one would blame a dreamy young thing like Ms. Temple for her feelings. Mr. Grant is flattered, but he wants no part of her.

So far, it's not very perverted. But I'm not finished describing it yet.

The irresistibly charming Cary Grant-- an almost flawless specimen of masculine charm, style, sophistication, and wit.

Ms. Temple has an uncle who's a psychiatrist -- Ray Collins, who played the inept policeman Lt. Tragg on "Perry Mason" -- who thinks it would be wise for Mr. Grant to play along with Ms. Temple until she gets over him. Let me tell you, only a blind and mentally challenged person would come up with a plan like that, and expect it to work. Cary Grant is Cary Grant, after all, and there are few men in screen history who were more physically attractive than he. And he's just about as charming and talented as he is good-looking. Ms. Temple only falls deeper in love with him. So she sneaks out of her home and breaks into Mr. Grant's apartment one night.

As you can see, the movie is getting a little more perverted. But it's about to get even more pervy. To the point of making even someone like me, a jaundiced jerk, feel a little bit squeamish.

Mr. Grant is thrown in jail, because he had a 17 year-old girl in his apartment. Everyone knows he's innocent, that he had no intention of corrupting the minor Ms. Temple, no matter how adorable she is (and she is adorable in this movie, but adorable in a little-girl sort of way). Nevertheless, the judge in his case throws the book at him.

The judge sentences Mr. Grant to spend even more time with Ms. Temple. The judge believes that forcing the two to go out on dates will show Ms. Temple that she and Mr. Grant have nothing in common, and she'll outgrow her crush, lose interest, and go back to her other boyfriend, Rudy Vallee.

Yes, forcing the very much older (but still quite charming) Cary Grant to spend time with the very adorable 17 year-old Shirley Temple is a great idea.  They're certain to lose interest in each other!

That's pretty pervy, but I still haven't even told you the best part yet. (By "best," I mean, "perviest.") The judge -- the one sentences Mr. Grant to date Ms. Temple -- is Ms. Temple's older sister.

Do you see how perverted this film is? Ms. Temple's older sister forces her to date Cary Grant. Because she believes that if they spend a lot of time together, they will lose interest in each other. The dreamy 17 year-old, fresh-faced, nubile girl, and the much older artist. Will lose interest in each other. If they go out on dates. Because you know how artists are about younger women. And you know how younger women are about artists.


The best part of all is that the older sister/judge is played by one of the most spectacularly attractive women in movie history, Myrna Loy. Myrna Loy, with her smoldering bedroom eyes, her bowed mouth with those supple, pursed lips that promise so much, her perfectly-sculpted form, her wry intelligence and her skills in both comedic and dramatic roles is the absolute ideal. The fact that it's her, the beautiful and sultry object of desire, consigning her little sister to such a fate is what pushes "The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer" into perverted dreamtime.

One look that smolders like ice. A painfully erotic glance; was there ever a more attractive woman in film?

Sweet Ms. Loy--
You've lit a fire in
the loins of this boy!

Tender Myrna--
Let me take a turn-a
with you!

It is rare that I am moved to compose lines of erotic longing directed at film stars, but Ms. Loy does that to me.

Flixster - Share Movies
Myrna Loy lounging in a bath in a film called "The Barbarian." Oh, she needs someone to wash her back!

The movie's screenplay was penned by Sidney Sheldon, who would go on to create a perverted television classic I Dream of Jeannie, and went on to become a massively popular writer of bestselling crime/perverted novels in the 1980s. Definitely an idol of mine.

And, not that it means anything, but the screenplay won an Academy Award for best of 1947. That was back when Hollywood knew how to properly reward excellent perversion.

Cary Grant pic source.
Cary Grant and Shirley Temple pic source.
Myrna Loy in a bath pic source.
Myrna Loy smoldering ice pic source.

1 comment:

shampoo said...

miss myrna loy, the queen of hollywood!

i just don't understand why no one in this movie recommended bundling? that was really all that was missing.