A Florida woman is in police custody after officers say she caused a two-vehicle car crash trying to shave her private parts while driving.That is just amazing. I mean, on the one hand, I think it's disgusting to put other peoples' lives at risk in such a way. I cannot condone that.
On the other hand, the woman was shaving her pubis while driving. Even though she wrecked the car, you have to admire the skill involved. Mind you, that's not as impressive as if she'd been waxing while driving, but it's still pretty impressive.
It gets better, though:
Barnes told police that she was going to meet her boyfriend in the vacation spot and wanted to be “ready.”That is a dedicated girlfriend. Again, my respect for this woman is rising. She is willing to do anything to make her boyfriend happy. He likes a clean-shaved pubic area, apparently, and she isn't going to let the fact that she's running a little late prevent her from giving him what he wants.
If only we could all be so dedicated to those we love.
But it gets even better:
What makes the case all the more bizarre is that her ex-husband was in the car as well, holding the steering wheel from the passenger seat for her while she attempted to shave.Now the story has taken a serious wrong turn. I don't care how close you are to your ex (and by the way, unless there are kids involved, I don't see any reason why you should be close to your ex), you do not hold the motherf*cking steering wheel for her while she shaves her pubic hair because her new boyfriend likes it.
It makes you look pathetic. She's moved on. She's shaving her pubic area for someone else now. You should, too.
But it gets better:
Barnes' arrest comes the day after she was convicted of driving under the influence and driving with a suspended license.This story is starting to sound "too good to be true." Driving while shaving, ex-husband steering for you, and you with a suspended license for drunk driving. Wow. It's just so baroque.
Her license was supposed to have been revoked for five years and her car, impounded.
My main worry is that some enterprising lawmakers will see this story, decide it's an epidemic, and howl about how there are no laws specifically aimed at preventing shaving while driving. And then call an emergency session of the legislature to deal with it.
The woman who will do anything for her man.
*I say "of course" because Florida is a weird state.
Megan Mariah Barnes pic source.