Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Yes, Virginia, There is a St. Patrick

I have a new piece up at When Falls the Coliseum, entitled "Yes Virginia, there is a St. Patrick." It is hilarious, I hope. Sample:
Dear When Falls the Coliseum,

I am 8 years old and a cute, innocent little girl. My friends told me that there is no such thing as St. Patrick, and that St. Patrick’s Day was just an excuse to let grownups get drunk. Are my friends right?

Sincerely,

Virginia

Dear Virginia,

As I sit here at my computer savoring my fourth Irish coffee of the morning (top o’ the morning to you!), I can’t help but to feel melancholic about your question. In a word, your friends who have been saying these things you asked about are spreading vicious lies to hurt your feelings and confuse you, or they are retarded, one or the other. Are your friends retarded, Virginia? It’s okay if they are, but you can do better. Maybe your parents are overprotective. I am SO SICK OF PAREnnts that treat there kids with kidgloves! Letm e tell you, my my parents didn’t’ tprotect me from ANYTHING< and I turned out to be a REALLY COOL GUY with a pretty bad headache rightnow and I’m pretty sure I feel another blackout comingexkmnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn nnnnnnnnnnnnn

It gets funny from there!

No comments: