Saturday, April 17, 2010

Megan Hauserman Arrested for DUI-- Is the Bottle Her Only Real Friend?

Megan Hauserman, the star of "Megan Wants a Millionaire," has been arrested for DUI. TMZ (of course) has it:
Hauserman -- whose dating show "Megan Wants a Millionaire" was canceled after one of the contestants, Ryan Jenkins, allegedly killed his wife and then himself -- was busted as she made her way to a strip club where she is currently employed.

Law enforcement tells TMZ cops observed Hauserman in a black 2008 BMW, weaving between lanes. She then accelerated to 75MPH (in a 55MPH zone) so cops pulled her over.

Cops say she had bloodshot, watery eyes, a strong odor of alcohol, and slurred speech. She told cops she had been "filming a TV show and was tired." She blew a .102 on her Breathalyzer test and was taken into custody.
There's a lot going on in those three brief paragraphs. First of all, Ms. Hauserman is currently employed at a strip club.

Does she strip there? Does she strip completely naked, or does she, as she was so often photographed, simply strip down to her bra and panties and sort of pretend to be just... about... to... take... her... bottoms... off...

Typical Megan Hauserman pose.

Ms. Hauserman was on no fewer than four reality shows ("Beauty and the Geek," "Rock of Love," "Rock of Love Charm School," and "Megan Wants a Millionaire"). Is "stripper" the best gig she could get?

Maybe. Her best friend Brandi C makes pornography now, so maybe. (And no, I am not knocking pornography. Go for it if that's what you want to do. My point is that Ms. Hauserman has made a lot of television-- can't she get some other work like that?)

Anyway, she's driving a 2008 BMW, so things can't be too bad. Unless, of course, she bought that 2008 BMW new when she was still a VH1 reality star, and now she's having to take stripping jobs to make the payments. Maybe she should trade it in for a '98 Nissan Altima or something.

Also in the second paragraph, she was weaving between lanes, but wasn't pulled over until she accelerated to 75 MPH. So let that be a lesson: If you're in your 2008 BMW and you're driving drunk, don't accelerate to 75 in a 55 zone.

Third paragraph is the most heartening. She claims she was filming a television show. Could this be the new show that Ms. Hauserman was promised by VH1 to "buy her silence"?
"VH1 is giving Megan her own reality show,” a source confirms. When the show was abruptly cancelled “they promised Megan her own show...that’s how they bought her silence.”
Pure, irresponsible speculation on my part, but I wonder if Ms. Hauserman isn't drinking because of the trauma of being the center of a dating show that featured a man who would later (allegedly) murder his wife? Many believe that Ryan Jenkins was the winner of Megan's show, or at least the runner up (so, so close).

Thanks to her contract(s), she can't talk to anyone. VH1 might be keeping her employed just so they can keep her under contract indefinitely (she's filming a show, yet she's also working at a strip club?), so that she cannot speak to anyone, ever, about anything she's been through on any of her shows. Specifically, "Megan Wants a Millionaire."

Not even a therapist.

The bottle is her only consolation.

Her life as she knew it, as she expected it, is over. She's poison now. She could have gone on making reality shows indefinitely, but everything changed when Ryan Jenkins-- a contestant on her show-- (allegedly) killed his wife and then (allegedly) himself. VH1 has "evolved" now. They're doing "classier" shows. As those old "celebreality" programs fade from memory, those contestants who used to make money just for showing up at bars for "personal appearances," or to "DJ," are now having to find other ways to make money.

Think about that.

Megan's show, indirectly, ruined an entire subgenre. Almost brought down an entire network. Her planned revenue stream is gone. She might have been shallow and vacuous, but she had a future that was relatively secure. Coast for the next few years on reality show notoriety, making the odd television or personal appearance, then finally settle down with some wealthy, elderly man who would supply her every need (including, no doubt, a steady diet of younger men to sleep with even as she used her husband's money to purchase them expensive gifts) well into her old age.

In a flash, and thanks to horrible circumstances well beyond her control, she lost it all. And now she's being strung along by the network that enabled her downfall. Stripping is the best she can do, giving any man with a few bucks a look at that body she was saving for just the right rock star or actor.

And all she's got to show for it is a BMW she can't pay for. And a mug shot.

UPDATE 4/20/2010 @3:05 PST: As AJaye points out in the comments, I completely forgot, for some reason, to mention Megan Hauserman's best show, "I Love Money 2." This is a major and unforgivable oversight. You can and should read all about that show here.


Nikolai said...

That's crazy shit. Not that she ever gives me any boners but now she really doesn't give me any boners EVER. Nice writings.

Ricky Sprague said...

Thank you Nikolai.

I bet if she made a movie with Mel Gibson she would give you boners.

shampoo said...

vh1 needs to let megan talk. there's not much she could say to make the situation any worse for them. but, it could help her... they OWE everyone they ran through these shows with no consideration for their safety, but especially megan and her girl friends from mwam.

I wasn't that crazy about megan on charm school, but it did seem as though they were positioning her for multiple series. which I would have watched if not for jasmine's death. those were fun shows up until we learned 51 minds didn't care one single bit about the safety and sanity of the cast.

before mwam, megan advertised on her webpage about personal club appearances of various kinds. so, maybe she is still doing that? the photo showed her in lingere which seems like it'd fit in with a strip club more or less.

A.Jaye said...

How come you didn't mention 'I Love Money'? Are you insane? You could have linked to my posts!

Ricky Sprague said...

Not insane. Just, um, forgetful.

Corrected in the post.

A.Jaye said...

Ricky man I was joking.

In related news Megan's show did more than ruin an entire subgenre - it ruined the original premise of Thrill Fiction. I've had to drop celebreality altogether. Build my audience from scratch. I've seen Basketball Wives and what not. I'm not blogging about that crap. It's not classy. It's not aspirational. It's animal farm without the satire.

Don't Bravo already do that?