Thursday, April 29, 2010

Mistresses Should Try to be Clear and Literate in their Apology Letters to the Wives of the Men with whom they've had Affairs

Should mistresses apologize to the wives of the men with whom they have affairs? This question of etiquette has been much on my mind ever since I read that one of the mistresses of the odious Jesse James sent an apology letter (by fax) to Sandra Bullock's agent.
Jesse James' alleged second mistress Melissa Smith sent an apologetic fax to Sandra Bullock’s agent’s office Sunday, regarding her alleged affair with the Oscar-winner's hubby.
Smith wrapped up the fax providing The Blind Side star with her e-mail address and phone number, saying: "From the bottom of my heart, I hope you accept my apology sincerely. Please contact me if you wish to discuss on the phone or in person."
It's difficult to rate the sincerity of the mistress in a situation such as this. It strains credulity to think that Ms. Smith did not realize that Mr. James was married. His wife is a world-famous actress. But we do not know what Mr. James told Ms. Smith.

She just doesn't understand me.

It's a marriage in name only.

We basically sleep in separate beds.

She won't give me a rusty trombone, which is my favorite position.

Men do say things like that. And a person who is at the mercy of her emotions-- oh, he just seems like such a deep and wonderful man he can't be lying!-- can be susceptible to such lies.

But does she need to apologize to the wife? Here's the letter:

First of all, from a purely aesthetic standpoint, Ms. Smith does herself no favors by beginning the missive "I'm sure you're wondering why I'm writing this letter to you." When a person begins a letter like that it is a sure bet that everything that follows is unworthy of your time.

If you have an apology to make, make it. Don't try to get inside the head of the letter's recipient.

And if you're going to apologize, don't follow up the apology with a sentence about how you know that nothing you say can take away the pain "of your actions." First of all, the grammar is garbled. Doesn't she mean to say "the pain caused by my actions"? (Or is she implying that Mr. James likes his action rough?) Second of all, if you know there's nothing you can do to alleviate the pain, why write to this person?

Then the second paragraph begins with yet another attempt by the author to get inside the head of the recipient. "I know that this message wills [sic] most likely go unanswered," she says, and then concludes the sentence by stating (for the third time in four sentences!) that she's sorry.

She then notes, in a letter of apology, that her actions are unforgivable!

Why would you apologize for something you believe to be unforgivable? And why do you suppose that the wife of the man with whom you cheated cares if you are ever able to forgive yourself?

She then begins the third paragraph by again stating that she knows she can't do anything to alleviate the pain her actions have caused (this time she uses much clearer wording). Then she apologizes again. Only this time, it's from "the bottom of [her] heart." That is like starting your letter with "I'm sure you're wondering why I'm writing this letter to you."

She then offers the wife the chance to call her or meet in person-- to what end? You've already apologized four times in the letter. You've admitted that you don't expect your apologies to do any good. You've stated you can't forgive yourself.

What the hell is there to talk about?

It's only too bad that this apology letter was so poorly executed. This letter should not have been sent to the wife, but to a proofreader, or an editor. She should be apologizing for her use of trite cliches and tautologies. She should be apologizing for her typographical and grammatical errors. She should be apologizing for the semi-literate nature of the letter.

As of now, the question is still open: Should a mistress apologize to the wife of the man with whom she had the affair? Would it make a difference if the husband lied to the mistress about the state of the marriage?

The only image I could find of Ms. Smith was this picture with the irritating Star magazine watermark. You'd think a stripper would have more of a web presence. I mean, Bombshell McGee had hundreds if not thousands of pictures online. I guess Mr. James wanted to be a little more subtle with this one.

Melissa Smith pic source.


Jessica said...

Gosh, been there, letters and all. And the things men say to their mistresses are soooo sad... Like my husband would tell his mistresses that I was a nut case, that I was on a mission to ruin his career and the best one yet, that I couldn't understand his need to be with other women... F-him! And F-them bitches too... Anyway, nothing but the truth here, as always...

A.Jaye said...

Mistresses are the reason married men get laid.

I couldn't resist.

amanda greenberg said...

NOT EVER should they apologize. It is completely ridiculous. When we are regular betrayed women and not celebrities, the purpose of the adulteress whore is to INFLICT pain on the man that she let herself be used by. IT IS DESPICABLE. In so doing (trying to hurt the man who used them) that "affair partner woman" is inflicting pain on a completely unsuspecting wife and thus their innocent children. It is absolutely despicable. I am a victim of this, and many other horrendous acts, by such a person. You can read all about it at yesthisreallydidhappen dot com Any woman who gets letters like these must IMMEDIATELY build a website to display them to the world. also, do enjoy her grammar, spelling, and sentence structure--she was clearly in a rage with no forethought--only intended to cause hurt. SWEETNESS! Pretty sure, with the advent of my website, she is "sorry" now.
IT IS NEVER APPROPRIATE to contact the wife. EVER. The intentions are NEVER pure.

Unknown said...

No, men lie and think with their man parts...that's the reason. They are open to temptation and suggestion with no self with moRals and strong conviction an respect say no or don't allow themselves to be put in those types of situations.

mrs Farmer said...

Well, I have been in a situation like this, I contacted the wife and we ended up being best friends ever since and kicked his ass!! My intentions have been pure and her EQ was high enough to notice that! We both have been a victim of a shallow, narcissistic human being and we know very well!! It's never inappropriate to contact the wife. You do what you have to do because after all, many mistresses are just lead on by the cheater and all his lies...

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