Wednesday, April 21, 2010

My beautiful duodenum

This morning I had an invasive procedure done, when a doctor shoved a tube with a camera on the end of it down my throat to snap some pics of my beautiful duodenum.*

This is what my duodenum looks like from the inside. At least the first couple of pics. Just had the pictures taken today in the hopes that we can figure out exactly what's causing my abdominal discomfort.

It was pretty nerve-wracking going in. I've never been sedated before, so I was a bit worried about it. Never been hooked up to an IV before, either. Never really had any medical issues.

Apparently I was in pretty rare form when I came out of the sedation. I was waxing poetical on the moving molecules, in their "dance through the infinite" (the ceiling appeared to be moving in an unusual way). I then explained to my companion that the tube had been "shoved into my throat thusly," at which point I made a circle with the thumb and forefinger of my right hand, and then inserted two fingers of my left hand into that circle.

"That looks a little bit dirty," she said.

"All invasive procedures are a little bit dirty," I am supposed to have replied. At this point I explained that, contrary to what the nurses had told me before the endoscopy, I was suffering from no effects of "amnesia," and had a perfect recollection of everything that had happened to me. For instance, I remembered the nurses flirting with me. I remembered the doctor asking my advice on how to maneuver the camera tube through my intestines. I remember that they had to shove another tube into my rectum to provide more light.

Ha, ha.

There was some other stuff, too. When the nurse came in and asked how I was feeling, I said something like, "Jeremy Amplebottom has never felt better!" Then I thanked my companion for being there by referring to her by the wrong name. I was having fun, you see. Then suddenly I had my shirt on and I couldn't remember putting it on.

Oh what a day it's been.

Anyway I was going to write something that would relate this to the current "health care" "debate" that's been going on lately, but I'm suddenly ready to lay down for a few minutes.

*I don't really think my duodenum is all that beautiful-- I only wrote that in case he's reading this. To trick him, the bastard.


Jessica said...

Up until reading this, I had no idea what a duodenum was or looked like. Not very appealing, I should add. Insides are never appealing.

Ricky Sprague said...

It's interesting because one of the side effects of the knockout medicine they gave me was "impaired decision-making." Which I suppose explains this post written just an hour or so after my procedure.

Melissa said...

This is proof you are a good looking man, inside and out.