Thursday, April 15, 2010

A Poem About Lindsay Lohan's Nipple Slips

Did you know that April is national poetry month? No? I don't blame you. Poetry, apparently, needs all the help it can get. But you know what people do know about? Lindsay Lohan nipple slips. I can tell you this for a fact because I get thousands of visitors to this blog who have done google searches for "Lindsay Lohan nipple slip" (or, alternatively, "lindsay lohan nipple slips" or "lindsay lohan nip slip" or "lindsay lohan boobs" or "lindsay lohan breast" or "lindsay lohan nipple" or "nipple slips" or "nip slip" or "celebrity nipple slip"). My hope with this post is to trick those visitors looking for photos of the attractive young Ms. Lohan's nipples into reading an actual poem, in honor of national poetry month.

So, I ripped off Robert Herrick's poem "Upon the Nipples of Julia's Breast," and wrote my own masterpiece.

Upon the Nipple Slip of Lindsay’s Breast
By Ricky Sprague, after Robert Herrick

Have ye beheld (on your computer dear)
A red rose peeking through a fabric sheer?
Think ye she knew (when she was dressing)
Those pink pointies would grant such blessing?
The creamy, freckled skin milk white
Surrounding firm glazed strawberry delight?
Exposed to all with an uncaring blush,
Leading to an internet search gush?
So much like other breasts ‘tis true,
Belonging not to Lindsay, but all of you.

I could devote an entire blog to Ms. Lohan's nipple slips. I could have run dozens if not hundreds of photos here-- but why bother, when you can just do a google search yourself if you're really interested.

It's not just Ms. Lohan who is so careless about letting her nipples slip, by the way. There are plenty of others (link NSFW).

Anyway, is it too much to hope that one day I'll get some visitors to my blog who have done a google search for "poem about nipple slips"?

Portrait of a Woman Revealing her Breasts by Tintoretto pic source.
First Lohan nipple slip pic source.
Second Lindsay Lohan nipple slip pic source.