Saturday, May 1, 2010

Obama Cheating Scandal!

The National Enquirer is reporting, in a piece entitled OBAMA CHEATING SCANDAL: SHOCKING NEW REPORTS, that... um, well, I can't really tell exactly what they're reporting.
UPDATED: Reports out of Washington, DC: PRESIDENT OBAMA in a shocking cheating scandal after being caught in a Washington, DC Hotel with a former campaign aide.
Okay, that sounds pretty damning, and they've gotten my attention with that attention-getting opener. So what have they got?
A confidential investigation has learned that Obama first became close to gorgeous 35 year-old VERA BAKER in 2004 when she worked tirelessly to get him elected to the US Senate, raising millions in campaign contributions.
A politician and a campaign worker have an affair. Not exactly unprecedented. But this is the sitting president we're talking about. So, what have they got?
While Baker has insisted in the past that "nothing happened" between them, reports reveal that top anti-Obama operatives are offering more than $1 million to witnesses to reveal what they know about the alleged hush-hush affair.
That's what they've got? "Top anti-Obama operatives are offering more than $1 million" for information about an affair that might have happened in 2004? That's what the reports are about?

That "anti-Obama operatives" are trying to find out if Barack Obama, a politician, had an affair with a campaign worker? That's what their "reports reveal"? For crying out loud, politicians have affairs with campaign workers. Because, you know, they spend so much time together, and the politicians are just so caring and they just don't get to spend as much time with their families and they need to feel that connection and one thing leads to another and it's just so beautiful, you know. Because they care so much. That's why they're in politics, and that's why you're working so hard to help him raise money.

The real story would be if a politician didn't sleep with a campaign worker.

I expect more from the Enquirer. They're the outlet that broke the John Edwards cheating story, when the "legitimate" news organizations were ignoring it. So I ask again, Enquirer, what have you got?
Among those being offered money is a limo driver who says in 2004 that he took Vera to a secret hotel rendezvous in where Obama was staying.

An ENQUIRER reporter has confirmed the limo driver's account of the secret 2004 rendezvous.
Okay. So the Enquirer has something. They confirmed the story of a limo driver who took said campaign worker to a "secret rendezvous" with the politician in question.

But, I need to ask again because that seems pretty flimsy-- what else have you got?
What does that mean, "Developing story"? That you've got more to come? That you're working on the story and you hope something pans out? You've got another lead besides the limo driver?

I'll say this for the Enquirer, they illustrated their big shocking story with a photo of an appropriately sheepish-looking president looking, well, nonplussed.

He looks genuinely stumped in this picture. But what's Vera Baker, the alleged mistress, look like? A google image search reveals--

--not a lot, actually. I did manage to find a website that claims to have a picture of her:

Well, she certainly is an attractive campaign worker. And Mr. Obama is a politician. And the Enquirer was right about Edwards.

However, it's too early to state with certainty that Mr. Obama, a politician, had an affair with Ms. Baker, an attractive campaign worker. Even though that's what politicians do, and the Enquirer was right about this in the past. So I will not state that Mr. Obama had an affair with Vera Baker, his campaign worker. That wouldn't be fair.

It's a developing story. So develop it, Enquirer!


A.Jaye said...

Don't they have gay politicians in America? That's the kind of scandal the UK press froth at the mouth over.

Ricky Sprague said...

As a matter of fact, we do have gay politicians. And we have straight politicians. And we have straight politicians posing as gay to get votes:

We have it all covered here.