Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Beach Heat: Miami -- Amazing Power Over Women, and the Triumphant Return of Megan Hauserman

Somehow, and I am not in the least bit proud of myself about this, a new show on Showtime has completely escaped my attention. Beach Heat: Miami is, well, it's sort of like Baywatch meets Nip/Tuck, apparently:
"It's a show about lifeguards similar to 'Baywatch,'" says director Bill Fisher. "However, we show more skin, and have a real storyline like 'Nip/Tuck.'"
That sounds appealing to me not in the least. There is nothing more boring than "soft core" pornography, especially today when actual, for-real "hard core" porn is so easily accessible (thank you, internet). And soft core porn that aspires to combine the virtues of Baywatch and Nip/Tuck? More like Crapwatch and Nip/Yuck, am I right? However, there is one aspect of the show that I'm not too proud to admit I find compelling:
"Beach Heat Miami" stars Megan Hauserman as she is finally attempting to get her life together. After getting arrested in Miami for DUI, Megan has now landed a real acting job, pinning down a leading role in a new series on cable giant Showtime.
Yes, Megan Hauserman, of "I Love Money" and "Megan Wants a Millionaire," among others, is back on television. And in a "real acting job," too.

Megan Hauserman's back! Hooray! Megan Hauserman's front! Hooray!

And then there is the fact that the creator of the show, Bill Fisher, apparently tricked the female stars into appearing on it.
A coalition of Beach Heat: Miami's female talent — including its best-known star, reality show Z-lister Megan Hauserman — is revolting against the director, claiming Fisher tricked them into acting in smut.
They're considering filing suit to halt the show, says Christina Galioto, the dark-haired beauty who plays Brooke. Her character has four sex scenes in the first season, including the tryst with her boss, and now the 24-year-old actress fears she'll be pigeonholed into erotica. She's "mortified" that her family might see an episode.
"You watch movies about this sort of thing: The young girl goes to Hollywood and is tricked into making a porn," says Galioto, who lives in Buffalo but came to South Beach for filming. "You never think it will happen to you."
"If I had known the show would be so disgusting, I would have never done it," says another actress, who asked that her name not be used. She's a tutor, she explains, and can't afford to be associated with porn. "I can lose my job. I can be forbidden from working with children ever again."
Bill Fisher must have used some kind of amazing spellcasting to trick these women, if the description of a scene from an upcoming episode can be believed:
Suddenly, lesbian sex breaks out ... An impressionable lifeguard named Brooke has come to ask her vivacious boss, Melanie, if she can borrow some money, and now they're naked and their faces are in each other's crotches. The scene is strategically obscured by lifted thighs but seems to stretch painfully longer than a few minutes.
Did the scripts not have episode titles? According to Showtime's official website, for instance, the first episode was called "Virgin Meat on the Beach."

Where is the "trickery" supposed to come in? Did they think they were simulating lesbian sex for some obscure arthouse movie? Did Mr. Fisher tell the women he was actually Michael Winterbottom? Did someone else insert completely new footage, a la the classic Caligula? Did none of these women realize that Megan Hauserman was involved in the show?

Anyway, if this promotional video is to be believed, none of these women are exactly Dames Judi Dench:

And, hell, if even I haven't heard of this show until now, that tutor's job is probably safe.

Then again, maybe the lawsuit is just some big promotional gimmick? Who can tell anymore?


shampoo said...

didn't someone derisively call megan an actress on one of the shows she was on? well, now she is. good for her? (i haven't seen this show, so idk if it's a good thing or not.)

A.Jaye said...

What a load of crap. Not enough Megan in the promo.