Thursday, September 9, 2010

106 Years Young, and Never Done You-Know-What

A Scottish woman called Isabella Blyth recently celebrated her 106th birthday. Good on her! I hope I make it to 106, too. Except. She made it that far without engaging in the enjoyable (in my opinion) act of coitus.
Isabella Blyth, from Gorgie, has revealed that the secret to her long life is not an aversion to alcohol or fatty foods - it is down to the fact that she has never been romantically involved with anybody.

The plucky pensioner, who celebrates her birthday tomorrow, has no regrets about living a life of abstinence and in fact believes it has made her physically and mentally strong.
I went just over 18 years as a virgin. Most of those years were okay, I suppose, but I certainly wasn't "physically and mentally strong" during the last, oh, two and a half years or so. I was pretty useless.

I was consumed with the desire to engage in the procreative act. It distracted me. It made me silly. I was miserable and pretty much no good to anyone and for crying out loud I couldn't imagine going through that for -- what is 16 minus 106? That many years, whatever it is.

But that's me. Clearly, Ms. Blyth had her own course to chart. Like I said, good on her. Lady GaGa has said that she worries that someone might take her creativity by putting their wiener in her oven, so maybe Ms. Blyth has a point.

Besides, Ms. Blyth had plenty to occupy her time, according to her niece Sheena Campbell:
"She was wrapped up in her church and she loved her choir and flower club. She never had time to be sad because if she wasn't caring for friends and family she was gardening or enjoying a little bit of golf. I'm not sure if anyone ever tried it on but they never got anywhere."
Oh, that does not sound like fun to me. Unless "gardening" is a euphemism for "having sex" (flowers look kind of vaginal sometimes, right?), then I don't think it's a good trade-off.

Sometimes flowers just make me think of plucking.

"She was a very caring, church-going lady and she had no complaints about a lack of romance. She did like the odd sherry though, as a treat."
Again, unless "sherry" is a euphemism for "nookie with someone named Sherry," don't sign me up.

But still I say Good on her. Here's to another 106!

Bonus: Somewhat related, but not really, Warren Zevon performing one of my favorite of his songs, "Splendid Isolation." Because I was thinking of Georgia O'Keeffe:

"Don't want to wake up with no one beside me,
Don't want to take up with nobody new,
Don't want nobody coming by without calling first,
Don't want nothing to do with you."

Georgia O'Keeffe Black Iris pic source.

No comments: