Thursday, September 9, 2010

The First Time I've Ever Been Disappointed in Lindsay Lohan

Can having a baby make you "straighten up and fly right," or do they get in the way of your fabulous, footloose and fancy free lifestyle? Do they solve your problems, or do they create a whole new set?

I wouldn't know. I've avoided having them.

Apparently Lindsay Lohan thinks having a baby is just what she needs to help her get her act together. Maybe. That is according to one report in InTouch online. Is it true? I don't know. Did it make me laugh out loud when I read it? Yes.
Lindsay Lohan wants to be a mom! The star has confided to a pal that she’s determined to stay sober and thinks the best way for her to achieve that goal is to get pregnant.
Oh boy. If you want to get sober (why oh why would you want to do that?) then get sober. If you want to have a child, and you're a lush or a junkie then for crying out loud get sober first. Saying you want to get pregnant because you think it might help you get sober is like taking out a second mortgage to pay for the first one.

Maybe. That might not be a good simile. My point is, it's a bad idea that don't make no sense.
According to the pal, Lindsay, 24, hates being alone and thinks a baby would make the perfect companion.
You hate being alone? You're Lindsay Freaking Lohan. You are surrounded by people all the time. Aren't you?

You can't get a dog? At least Paris Hilton got a dog.
“She needs to be around someone nearly 24 hours a day,” the pal says. “She thinks having a baby could straighten out her life.”
Ms. Lohan, seriously, let me give you my number. Call me. I will help you straighten out your life.

Actually, scratch that. I'm pretty venal. We probably shouldn't hang out. I would just use you.

But then, so would a baby. Babies are not real people. They are little humanlike creatures that suck all your energy, your money, your spirit. They cry and defecate on you and spit up and they whine and treat you badly. In other words, they are just like the people you already hang out with.

You know, the "pals" who go to media outlets like InTouch and sell them stories about every offhand remark you make. Here's how the "I want a baby" conversation went:

LL: Gawd, I am so needy. I need someone around me all the time.
Pal: Ha, ha.
LL: Ha, ha! Maybe I should have a baby.
Pal: Ha, ha. Totally.
LL: I should totally have a baby. I swear, that's the only thing that's going to keep me sober! Ha, ha!
Pal: Ha, ha! You crack me up!
LL: The judge wants me to be sober, doesn't she? Well, I'll show her! I'll have a baby! Ha, ha!

Pal then went to InTouch and sold the story. LINDSAY LOHAN WANTS A BABY! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT???

Even as a joke, Ms. Lohan, this isn't funny. Please don't ruin your life in this way; there are so many other, better things you can be doing. I changed my mind. Go ahead and call me. I'm here to help.

 Do you think she would breastfeed?

Lindsay Lohan pic source.

1 comment:

A.Jaye said...

Women call me 'baby' all the time.