Wednesday, December 15, 2010

TIME magazine Person of the Year: Mark Zuckerberg

Over at When Falls the Coliseum, I wrote an hilarious (if I do say so myself) parody of TIME magazine's Mark Zuckerberg "Person of the Year" essay. You know who Mark Zuckerberg is, right? He's the founder of Facebook.

And TIME chose him as their "Person of the Year." For 2010. How old is Facebook, exactly?

Anyway, here is a sample:

TIME magazine recently announced its selection of Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg as its “Person of the Year.” Below is the complete text from their essay on Zuckerberg and why they chose him:

Many years ago, perhaps as many as 100 years ago, a dead white person made an astute observation about human nature. That observation was vague enough that it could be applied to anything, and I am applying it, now, to TIME’s “Person of the Year” selection, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg.

Today is a period of transition. Of evolution. Of transitionary evolution and of evolutionary transition. Take, for example, the ways in which human beings connect with one another. This, too, has evolved. Where once there were “telephones,” now you have “cell phones.” Some of those “cell phones” have “cameras” with which anyone can snap a photo to send to friends. If something happens directly in front of you, you can immediately take the picture. Snap. Just like that, with the speed of thought. Even quicker than the speed of thought, because thoughts can’t be transmitted electronically the way images can.

Or, perhaps you are in the mood to communicate with written words? Where once you might send a letter to someone, now you can send an “electronic letter,” or, if you prefer to use the vernacular of today’s youth, an “email.” If you’re in too great a hurry, if the need is too immediate to commit to the composition of a full “email,” you might send a “text  message,” or “txt.” In this way you can immediately connect with the person you have chosen to receive what it is you have to say. You can even add an “emoticon” to ensure that the receiver knows whether you are happy [;)], or sad [:(].

Then, there is “the internet.” This amazing device allows “users” (such as those who might have been referenced in the aforementioned dead white person’s observations) to “log on” and get the latest bread recipes, or catch up on the latest weather updates, read a selection from a public domain work of literature, and, if you are so inclined, watch a few minutes of a pornographic motion picture. In our must have it now culture, the internet is both a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing because you must not necessarily wait for your gratification. It is a curse because, as an older person who remembers what it was like to have to wait for gratification, I can clearly tell that instant gratification is changing our children, and we don’t yet know if it is changing them for the better, or for the worse, or if the terms “better” and “worse” even apply anymore in the modern world. It is changing their attitudes, is the internet.

You may read the rest here, if you're so inclined.

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