Friday, January 28, 2011

I am pretty sure that Charlie Sheen is living the life I was meant to lead

The evidence for this is overwhelming. First of all, he was born into a famous Hollywood acting family. Second of all, he has been in a bunch of films and television shows. Third of all, he appears on a popular television show. Fourth of all, he makes gobs and gobs of money for appearing on said show.

Fifth of all, he parties. A lot. With lots of women. Sometimes five at a time. Sixth, the drugs. Sometimes, briefcases full. Seventh, when he's rushed to the hospital, it's over something relatively trivial, like a hiatal hernia. Also, he got name-checked in a Warren Zevon song.



And now I learn that the man who has it all, who lives the life that I just know that I was meant to live*, has even the very same aspirations that I myself harbor.

He wants to create a "Porn Family."

Charlie Sheen wants to be the patriarch of a HUGE "porn family" -- composed of his favorite adult stars -- and he wants them all to live in a mansion down the street from his own house ... TMZ has learned.  
Sources connected to Charlie tell us ... during the infancy stages of Sheen's most recent bender Tuesday night, the actor brought his realtor and some of his XXX lady friends to dinner with his neighbor George Santo Pietro -- Vanna White's ex-husband.

We're told the meal was served in the wine cellar at George's home -- located just two miles from Sheen's place -- and Charlie drank ... A LOT.

During the boozefest, Charlie agreed to rent out George's giant estate for four months -- at the rate of $250k per month -- while George goes away on an upcoming trip to Thailand.

And why does Sheen need an extra mansion? Charlie explained that he wants to start a "porn family" -- and he wants the "actresses" to all live in the same house. One big, smutty family.
A brilliant plan. A visionary plan. Unfortunately, Mr. Sheen has surrounded himself with people who don't appreciate his vision.
The next morning, Sheen's people found out about the deal and were "furious" -- and immediately put a stop to the plans.
If Charlie Sheen's "people" had been Thomas Edison's "people," we'd all be blogging by candlelight.

Genius.*

*Except for the 9/11 Truther stuff. That's just nuts.

2 comments:

Melissa said...

Charlie Sheen is one of the greatest visionaries of our time.

A.Jaye said...

Charlie Sheen had the vision to marry It's Complicated.