Thursday, April 28, 2011

England's got bigger problems than that whole "royal" wedding thing

For some reason, American press outlets and internet destinations have been trying to get us interested in the "royal" wedding of that large-toothed balding young scion of privilege and unearned wealth to that young, attractive "non-aristocratic" but still wealthy woman. Oh, how romantic. Will their love survive?

What dress will she wear?
Congratulations, Kate Middleton, for keeping your wedding dress the royal wedding's biggest mystery and talking point.

With just two days to go, the world still knows next to nothing about what Prince William's bride will wear to mark her transition from commoner to princess.
Complaining about using terms like "commoner" and "princess" when describing a human being is like complaining about the number of people at Disneyland. So I won't do it. In England, they have a "royal family" that lives off the largesse of the citizens and owns a great deal of land. Queen Elizabeth is possibly the wealthiest person on earth.
Queen Elizabeth II, head of state of the United Kingdom and of 31 other states and territories, is the legal owner of about 6,600 million acres of land, one sixth of the earth’s non ocean surface.

She is the only person on earth who owns whole countries, and who owns countries that are not her own domestic territory. This land ownership is separate from her role as head of state and is different from other monarchies where no such claim is made – Norway, Belgium, Denmark etc.

The value of her land holding. £17,600,000,000,000 (approx).

This makes her the richest individual on earth.
If that is the case, then one might understand why the wedding of her grandson might be a subject of such interest. In fact, I'll bet her family's every move is newsworthy, correct?
Photographs of Prince William playing a game of soccer with friends two days before the royal wedding have reopened a privacy debate that dates back to the death of his mother, Princess Diana.

Ever since Diana was killed in a car accident in 1997 after being chased by a paparazzi pack, British newspapers have shied away from publishing pictures of William and his brother, Harry, aside from official occasions.

However, the Daily Telegraph printed a grainy image in its Thursday edition of William taking part in a relaxed soccer match in London’s Battersea Park. The Sun also includes shots of the Prince playing and leaving the park.

The source of the images is unclear -- they appear to be taken with a long lens -- but the real issue is that the papers printed printed them at all. The British press has had countless intimate photos of the royals in its keeping in recent years, but has refrained from publishing them in keeping with an agreement struck with the Royal Family in the wake of Diana’s death.
The grandchildren of the largest landowner in the world are off-limits to the press? These are grown men who live off these holdings, and British taxpayers. And the press has a deal with them that they're not to be touched? Holy crap is England in trouble.

Public figures who stand to inherit "one sixth of the earth’s non ocean surface" are untouchable by the press? Come on.

As for Ms. Middleton, at least one palace guard has a low opinion of her, which he expressed in a semi-literate rant on facebook.
Reilly reportedly wrote, "hur and william drove past me on friday n all a got was a sh*tty wave while she looked the opposite way from me, stupid stuck up cow am a not good enough for them! posh b**** am totally with u on this 1 who reely gives a f*** about hur".
It seems a bit daft for a young man to be so hurt and offended over the lack of enthusiasm of Ms. Middleton's wave. But then again, this is a country in which people can be arrested for performing a classic disco song.
A PUB singer is set to be quizzed by cops tonight after he was accused of "racism" for belting out the chart hit Kung Fu Fighting as two Chinese people walked past.
Simon said: "We were performing Kung Fu Fighting, as we do during all our sets. People of all races were loving it. Chinese people have never been offended by it before.

"But this lad walking past with his mum called us w*****s and did the hand sign before taking a picture on his mobile phone.

"We hadn't even seen them when we started the song. He must have phoned the police.

"They phoned me when I was in a Chinese restaurant that night. They arranged to meet me and I was arrested.

"I thought it was a joke but they were serious. They seemed pretty amazed but said the law is the law and it was their duty. It's political correctness gone potty."
(Link via reason.)

If you can be arrested for performing a classic song in a pub, then it's no wonder that a 19 year old man might be offended by the slightness of Ms. Middleton's wave. In fact, Ms. Middleton should probably approach each member of the palace guard each time she sees them, and address them, by name, with pleasantries. Everyone must take care to avoid causing even the slightest perception of offense to everyone else, no matter how sensitive.

As for that suspended palace guard, he also made some anti-Semitic and racist comments on his facebook page. Real racist comments, not a performing "Kung Fu Fighting" in a pub type of thing.

But anyway, seriously, what do you think Kate Middleton's dress will look like?

I hope she wears this to her wedding.

Photo via this site, which notes,
[T]he total bill for the royal wedding on Friday is somewhere in the neighborhood of $34 million dollars. Yikes!
$32 million of that is apparently for security. Congratulations, England -- it's like a fairy tale come to life!

UPDATE @ 12:30 PM PST: I can't believe I forgot to embed the song:

My bad.


A.Jaye said...

I can't believe you forgot to mention that the British taxpayer is footing this big fat gypsy wedding.

Still no mention of where the worldwide TV revenue is going.

shampoo said...

i can tell you because you are my friend.. i am sewing kate's dress on my singer now!!! it will be so beautiful!! oops, got to get the singer to the jet because i need to get to england to check the hem right away. p.s. it is beautiful. it is white and stuff. if she waves at me, i will let you know!!


Ricky Sprague said...

A.Jaye: Yeah, I did not cover this as thoroughly as I would have liked.

Sorry you had to help pay for that nonsense.

Shampoo: Thanks for the exclusive! I hope you got lots of that delightful British taxpayer money for your trouble.

shampoo said...

They gave me five pounds! They told me that was lots! They also gave me a scone! :)