Monday, July 9, 2012

The Dark Knight Rises: Is it panic time?

The Dark Knight Rises won't "batwing" its way into theaters until July 20th -- I can't wait, I have already got my ticket for the 12:01 AM showing, the 3:45 AM showing, the 7:00 AM showing, the 9:00 AM showing, the 9:45 AM showing, the 9:50 AM showing, the 9:52 AM showing, the 10:23 AM showing, the 11:47 AM showing, the 12:01 PM showing, the 12:02 PM showing, the 12:13 PM showing, the 1:29 PM showing, the 1:46 PM showing, the 2:31 PM showing, the 4:23 PM showing (I'm planning on eating and using the bathroom), the 5:01 PM showing, the 5:62 PM showing, the 6:34 PM showing, the 6:35 PM showing, the 6:36:18 PM showing, the 7:41 PM showing, the 7:59 PM showing, the 8:01:34.6 PM showing, the 8:12:34 PM showing, the 36-24-36 PM showing, the 8:56 PM showing, the 9:05 PM showing, the 9:87 PM showing, the 10:43 PM showing, the 11:02 PM showing, and the 11:23 PM showing! -- but already there are signs that the film might be in trouble.

For one thing, Nikki Finke over at Deadline Hollywood is reporting that projector issues caused the cancellation of a press screening on Friday.
The movie started promptly at 7 PM. But at about 8:15 PM, as a new reel began, the dialogue between Christian Bale and Michael Caine was clearly out of sync - with a full 5- to 10-second lip-flap after lines were spoken. After a few minutes the crowd shouted for a projectionist. The movie was stopped and the lights went up. A 40-year employee of IMAX said that this has never ever happened to him before.
This is the first time this has happened in 40 years. In other words, this is as unprecedented as the film itself.

We all know that The Dark Knight Rises is the greatest film of all time, at least since The Avengers, which was the greatest film of all time. But I have to wonder now if maybe we should start to begin the process of mindlessly panicking about the film's artistic and commercial prospects.

In 40 years, no other IMAX screening has ever been halted because the projection machine refused to play the film. And yet, it has happened with DKR. Obviously, this raises the following question:

Is The Dark Knight Rises so bad that even the projector rebelled against showing it?


But, if that is the case, then why did the projector wait over an hour to start sabotaging the screening? Well, bear with me a moment:

This news follows hard on the "batheels" of the speculation that the kid from "Third Rock from the Sun" might be portraying a version of Batman's kid sidekick, Robin the Boy Wonder. As Scott Johnson over at comicbook.com points out, there are at least five reasons to believe that Robin will make an appearance:
During one of the first Dark Knight Rises trailers, the Robin logo appeared in the stands at a Gotham Rogues game.
 ...
Sure the Gotham Rogues player with Ward on the back of his jersey was actually former Pittsburgh Steeler Hines Ward, but Ward was also the last name of Burt Ward who played Robin on the sixties Batman TV show.
...
During one of the trailers, there is a chalk symbol drawn that was first thought to be a bat symbol, but Forbes writer Mark Hughes claimed it looked more like Nightwing’s symbol. Of course, Nightwing is the superhero identity that Dick Grayson adopted after Robin.
There are other, even more compelling reasons given in the post, but I'll let the reader click over for him- or herself, if s/he so desires. The important thing is, if Robin appears in DKR, as Johnson's impressive scholarship suggests, then it will be bad, because Robin is a kid character who has ruined every tv show and movie he's been in. Think about it. If Robin hadn't been in the 1960s TV show, it would have been AWESOME, instead of a total violation of the Batman mythos. And, in the 80s and 90s, the first two Tim Burton Batman films were exceptional, but then Tim Burton left and Joel Schumacher introduced Robin into the movies, and they all stunk.

Don't get me wrong. Robin is an awesome comic book character, and he would be awesome in his own film. But he will ruin any Batman film he is in, because he has always ruined every Batman film he is in.

My theory is that about an hour and ten minutes into the movie, we start to learn that the "John Blake" character played by the kid from "Third Rock from the Sun" is really Robin in disguise. The projection machine, sensing the total ruination of Christopher Nolan's masterpiece trilogy, attempted to destroy the print rather than let the screening go on. It's suspicious, for instance, that we're told that the screening couldn't go on because of lip syncing issues during a scene involving dialogue between Christian Bale and Michael Caine, yet we're not told what they were talking about during the scene.

Why is that? Answer: Because they were talking about Robin. There is no other explanation. Here is what I believe is in the dialogue in question:

BATMAN:
Alfred, where is that kid from "Third Rock from the Sun"?


ALFRED:
He is out running around fighting crime in his alter ego as Robin, the Boy Wonder.


BATMAN:
That's right. I forgot that I recruited him to be my sidekick after his parents were killed by gangsters, when they were working as trapeze artists at the circus. I gave him a little green leotard with a red tunic and a yellow cape to run around in.


ALFRED:
That was right after you had me put the name "WARD" on the back of that football player's jersey, as a secret code.

Sensing trouble, the projection machine began shutting itself down.

All of this is coming after another report at Deadline Hollywood that secret information about the film had been leaked on the official DKR website:
Warner Bros has done everything possible to keep a lid on the details of the upcoming The Dark Knight Rises. So it’s a shocker that today the studio posted a 49-page document filled with production notes – including a synopsis a well as some dialogue and several interviews with the main actors and other behind-the-scenes intel –on the ‘About The Film’ section of the official website.
If you're interested in having the film spoiled, you can follow the link above and get a look at the pdf of the leaked information. If, however, you truly care about art in general, and Batman in particular, you will remain on this blog and continue reading this post:

Clearly, no one would willingly leak this important information about the film. As Deadline points out, "Warner Bros has done everything possible to keep a lid on details of the" film. I believe that this is another example of a machine, in this case, a computer at Warner Bros, sensing that something isn't quite right about the film, and therefore attempting to sabotage it by uploading "spoilers" to the website, in an attempt to get people less interested in seeing the film.

I have not read any of the information that was posted on the website, but I suspect at least some of it reads as follows:

Batman meets that kid from "Third Rock from the Sun." Batman recruits him to play his sidekick, Robin. The rest of the movie then stinks.

And I haven't even mentioned the fact that last year set photos were leaked which showed Christian Bale in full Batman regalia with a big smile on his face. Everyone knows the Dark Knight Detective is a grim fighter for justice. Batman does not smile, not ever. He doesn't have time to smile, when there is danger to be crushed.

Then there's the fact that Anne Hathaway's nude scenes are making people sick. When she appears in the film as Catwoman, will audiences go running for the bathrooms?

Obviously, I can't say for sure that The Dark Knight Rises is a disastrous film until I've actually seen it. Until then, all I can say for certain is that it will be the greatest, most epic film of all time. But if it isn't, and it turns out to be as bad as it appears it will be, then I hope that people don't forget that I sounded the alarm early.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

nice posting.. thanks for sharing.